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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GPs helping out

28 replies

ExcuseMeButImHavingACrisis · 04/05/2017 20:29

SIL has just had twins before Christmas. She already has a 4yo DD.
Do you think it's U for her to call my ILs at a drop of a hat to help her and to for them to go round every time she needs to pick up DD from school.
I have 2 DCs who don't get to see them as often now as they are tied up. My SIL is quite controlling and asked ILs to buy a more reliable car as their current one is quite old so they can come when she needs them.
AIBU in thinking she is being U?

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 04/05/2017 20:31

I don't think your SILs relationship with her parents is any of your business.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 04/05/2017 20:33

She assumes she is entitled and they enable her.

My ex mil ran round after sil and her dc but never visited mine. We all lived within 3 sts of each other. Some mil have gc preferences. . As shit as it is it's true.

UppityHumpty · 04/05/2017 20:34

She's her mum. I bet your mum does little different for you but you probably just can't see it.

Original poster
ExcuseMeButImHavingACrisis · 04/05/2017 20:40

They're not her parents but her ILs btw

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 04/05/2017 20:44

Both my parents and my IL would come if I needed them. My parents would drop everything (obviously not really important stuff). They'd both happily permanently do the school run if I asked which is not to be sniffed at as it would be about 45-1 hour round trip. It's just the way our dynamic works. I don't think other people's relationships with their parents is anyone else's business for the most part.

DavidPuddy · 04/05/2017 20:52

I would not begrudge a woman with five month old twins asking for support from her parents in law. I would be happy for her that she has that support.

GenerationX2 · 04/05/2017 20:56

this is what happens in my family - but the SIL in question it the daughter - so I suppose that is the difference - but it certainly hurts my DH's feeling when my DS gets pushed aside for SIL's DS. MY MIL swears she does not do that so he can't even talk to her rationally about it.

andadietcoke · 04/05/2017 20:57

Having been a mother of five month old twins I wouldn't begrudge her any help. It's fucking relentless. I can't imagine having to look after them and get myself to school on time to pick up another DC.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 04/05/2017 21:02

YABU, she's got 5 month old twins I'm sure she'll gratefully receive any help she can get. You don't sound like empathy is a strong point.

Winniethepooer · 04/05/2017 21:03

I know its not the point of the thread but I'm feeling envious of all the 'help' others seem to have...Sad

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 04/05/2017 21:07

You don't have a clue what's going on in her life at the moment. Perhaps she's depressed? Perhaps she is so sleep deprived she's on the brink and the only thing keeping her sane is that bit of help? Perhaps her and her dp are having relationship issues? You don't sound like you like her very much, so doubt you are close enough to know these things...😒

BackforGood · 04/05/2017 21:08

YABU.
Twin babies must be hard work.
I can't believe you resent the babies grandparents helping out now and then Shock
You need to give your head a wobble.

Northgate · 04/05/2017 21:11

Given that she has 5 month old twins, I'd be cutting her a bit of slack at the minute TBH.

BestZebbie · 04/05/2017 21:16

If you are upset about your DCs losing some grandparent time - do you think that the amount they used to get is sustainable if your parents give exactly the same amount as they get, to your nieces/nephews? Did you ever get more help when they were babies etc?

putdownyourphone · 04/05/2017 21:16

Come back when you have twins. calls mum and asks for help

harderandharder2breathe · 04/05/2017 21:40

YABU

it's none of your business

You might try being a bit more sympathetic to someone who has twin babies and a 4 year old and who needs a bit of help. Or not. But it's still none of your business what your ILs do with their time.

junebirthdaygirl · 04/05/2017 21:42

If l had twins l would be running up and down the road looking for help. Having twins is not like real life. You need anotber pair of hands. Do you give her any help yourself? My df had twins and she says she didnt come up for air for 2 years.

DirtyChaiLatte · 04/05/2017 21:46

If her ILs don't mind helping then I don't see what the problem is. They're looking after their grandchildren.

YABU

Helloitsme88 · 04/05/2017 21:49

I struggle with 2 kids full stop. Let alone the endless school run with 5 MONTH OLD TWINS. Don't begrudge her the help. If old car isn't reliable then why not suggest a new one. Why don't you offer to help if you want. Maybe get the 4 year old and go over to the ILs and give mum a break

arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2017 21:50

Yabu

Dbsparkles · 04/05/2017 21:52

Having twins plus an older child, I'd say she fully deserves any help she can get. That first year of twins is pretty hell-ish.

SmallBee · 04/05/2017 21:57

She has twins AND another child. Its bloody brilliant her PILs are able to help. Its definitely not unreasonable.
Maybe if you want them to see your DC more you could take them over to SILs and help?

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 04/05/2017 22:53

God I was calling my mum in tears at all hours with ONE colicky dd! If I had double that and a school age child I seriously think I would have had a nervous breakdown!

Crumbs1 · 04/05/2017 23:04

I would think you should be pleased with the support you get from the grandparents rather than critical of their relationship with their other daughter in law. Entirely up to them if they want to help you or her and how much they are prepared to do. Maybe she is grateful and shows pleasure in their efforts.
My in laws provided free childcare to my sister in law, had my children's cousins overnight so parents could go away but never offered any support to us. That's fine - they had their reasons (which may have been about not wanting to look after twins).

RainbowJack · 04/05/2017 23:09

YABU

It's on your ILs to say no to her and see your kids more.

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