Inner voice / internal speech has become to loud

[Whatjusthappenedexactly]

I understand every one has an internal monologue. Mine has been with me for as long as I can remember and it's always been negative ( it more hopeful on a good day) . I remember watching a program in the 90's called Ally McBeal which for the first time to me portrait a person having an inner dialogue as normal and I was both amazed and comforted that it wasn't just me. Until then I honestly thought I was strange.

For all of my life my inner voice has been loud and depressing. It points out my failures before they happen. It's points out my failures afterward. It's a constant battle in my head, me again my inner voice. Me... I can do this ( simple task ), inner voice no you can't.
I have a huge amount on my plate. Two very disabled family members who I never asked to be in charge of but here I am making decisions that are life altering or at least life niggling if I get it wrong. I am making decision about things I know nothing about ( the best electric wheel chair to buy is this weeks dilemma) . My head just keeps saying fail fail fail. It's been the same all my life. This voice in my head is so loud and so negative I wonder how I get out of bed in the morning. The truth is recently, I can't. I've stayed in bed because I'm paralysed by the feeling that what ever I do will be wrong and the narrative that spews forth with comes down on me like a tonne of bricks.

I have a stressful job which ironically make me happy because in the end I am helping people ( even those who don't want to be helped but my inner voice is fine with those few and gives me no grief). Other than that, every decision I make every day from dinner to house work comes loaded with guilt and a really loud shouty voice questioning everyone move I make. Wrong wrong wrong. Could have gone better, why did you do it like that.

I wish I could shut my head up. It even talks me into some very dangerous situations that I have to talk myself out of but even I'm questioning my reasons for carry on in such a dark place.

Ironically, if you knew me I'm doing a great job with life other than the odd cracks that appear that I deal with. DH doesn't know what to do with me on my worst days but I think that's because he doesn't realise how black I've become. My head just won't shut up.

Do you talk back to your inner voice? For example, say "No I can do this"
It's just, when I was in therapy, my counsellor told me never to talk back to an anxiety provoking voice that says things like "You're a failure". It feeds it, and it goes one up on you.
Her advice was to ignore and distract. Distract distract distract. Concentrate on what you can hear, see, touch, smell.
It worked for me. I don't hear mine much at all anymore. Almost like it got bored and gave up. The voice is very, very wrong about you and I hope you know that 💐

Google negative Self-Talk, there are lots of tips on how to deal with it, hope you find something helpful. Otherwise, go and see your GP and ask for help.

No matter what the voice says, You CAN do it and you CAN do it very well

Get yourself to your gp and have a chat. If you're not keen on that mindfulness or cbt could be helpful.

Mindfulness and more mindfulness.

You are doing so well. You have so many plates to spin.
These thoughts are intrusive thoughts. I suffer with them too. But you have to remember that a thought is just a thought. Thought it's insanely hard tell yourself "this isn't the truth. This is just an intrusive thought."

I have this with my OCD - occasionally it wins, sometimes I remind myself that it is just OCD, and sometimes I go with "oh just fuck off OCD" - that seems to work best

Poor thing that must be exhausting I get this sometimes as well but don't have as much on my plate as you do. I find mindfulness helps although sometimes the more I need it the less I'm inclined to practice it. Critical people bring out the worst in me kind of like the inner voice coming from an external voice as well! Am thinking to get more counselling myself oright go to the gp myself soon as well. Best of luck all.

Would recommend a book called "I'm OK, you're OK" about our inner voices. Think the author is Robert Harris but I'm not sure

Hypnotherapy.

Thanks for replies. I've heard of mindfulness but never looked into it properly. Time I did. I'm awake now with my head churning over yesterdays events and how to cope with tomorrow. I've been to my GP a few times over the years but by the time I get there I've usually pulled myself together well enough to appear not to need help. But now I really do or I risk cracking up completely.

Have you asked your GP about CBT? It would be more effective as this is a specific issue, not general stress or anxiety.

I have psychotic depression, I find mindfulness incredibly helpful. I went to a group therapy course initially and now I use the techniques I learned regularly.

Even if you feel pulled together when you see the gp, still tell them how you're feeling. I was very good with the happy mask, but once I started talking to my gp it all just came tumbling out. I was given so much support and help from my local mental health team.

If ever you want to talk please feel free to message me.

Thank you songbird and DJ .

Cbt is really good too. It helped me deal with things I hadn't even realised were a problem.

Maybe you could work actively with positive affirmations?

That dialogue seems to have been going on for quite some time, like when you have an old-fashioned record and playing the same track over and over again, the needle sort of gets stuck and plays the same track over and over again. (Don't think that it'd happen on Spotify though). Speaking of Spotify, a simple search threw up Ray Lewis "Affirmation for greatness". Check it out and listen to it, use it (and similar tracks) to block out that old faulty dialogue of yours.

I also found for you (on Spotify) Deepak Chopra and e.g. the track "Acceptance". I have a faint recollection of having seen books by Deepak Chopra in bookshops for ages and have the impression he's written lots of books that you might be interested in using. He's sort of a 'guru' within the field of self-help I believe, although I have no personal experience from using any material of his.

Also take a look at this thread. Interesting!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/arts_and_crafts/2912513-Does-knitting-for-mental-health-work

Thank you Fifty. Had a look at the thread. I do have a hobby but not knitting. Recently it's just made me more stressed, like one of the posters said. I do need to calm down and get my head to shut up. I've been talking to my self all night. Sometimes, like you said, it's a stuck record. I can literally have the same word or short sentence being repeated over and over.

The advice on here has been similar so it must be the right.