to let this grumpy get upset me?

[iwasonlybeingpolite]

Name changed but fear I'm totally outing myself nonethless...

After collecting dd1 from her pre-school classroom, we're (dd1 and me carrying baby dd2) walking back through the enclosed communal play area to the heavy glass door which leads into reception and the front entrance. It is busy as always. I reach the door which is being held open by parent A. The parent and child in front of me walk through it to which parent A says "I was holding it open for the man with the pushchair" and gestures to parent B who has one dc in the pram and is obviously waiting to come through to fetch another dc.

I've seen parent B regularly on the pre-school run and he has always been pleasant. I don't know his name, his kids, don't strike up conversation etc just share the normal everyday niceties.

So when parent A says that about the door, I call dd1 back, smile and say "here you go" to parent B, indicating he can come through the door being held open.

To my astonishment he snapped "Just come on through for God's sake. There's no need. Just come through the door." Parent A walked through the door with me and mine behind, followed by other parents and kids. Parent B is still muttering - loudly - at this point as we all flow through the door and go past him. I apologised (no, i dont why either!) and said "I was only trying to help". He snapped back "well you weren't were you? There's one of me and 20-odd people behind you. I'll wait. You're just causing problems" etc etc and continued to mutter. I was cross at his attitude and was starting to feel embarrassed at being shouted at so I just turned and said "there's no need to be like that. I'm sorry that you're obviously having a bad day" and walked off. He was STILL muttering about me as he finally got through the internal door and walked off to his dc's classroom.

I resisted the urge to go after him (I can't stand mutterers in situatons like that - have the balls say it to my face not under your breath!) and seethed all the way home but then burst into tears when we got in.

I was only trying to be polite. Why am I letting him upset me - AIBU? And can I let the door close in his face the next time he's stood there?

Sorry for the long post.

He was very rude. Like you said to him, obviously having a bad day. Not that it's an excuse to be a dick.
Hopefully he will apologise when he next sees you. Don't upset yourself about it.

He seems like a very rude man.

I think parent A sounds the most grumpy, you don't get to dictate who walks through a door you happen to be holding.

Parent B said what I'd have thought.

Was he muttering at you or parent A?

They were both rude. There are a lot of dicks in the world, OP. Don't take it personally.

It would have been quicker to walk through the door, maybe he was embarrassed with both you and parent A making an unnecessary scene. If he suffers social anxiety that attention could have set him to panic mode. Or maybe he was just irritated by the performance 'helping' and after a bad day it blew his temper.

It would have been quicker for you to walk through the door and no unnecessary attention directed toward him.

Parent A sounds strange. You don't keep a door open and then demand that only the person behind others can go through it!

Next time either of them is walking behind you, major door drop is in order (unless they are with DCs). They both sound like twats.

I would have assumed his initial comment was directed at parent A dictating who should go through the door and holding up other parents. Then because you were the only one who spoke to him you were the one he lashed out at.

Like you said, he obviously was having a bad day, you were pleasant to him and he was an arse. So don't feel bad about it.

And I wouldn't want to hold the door for him in future, or I'd make a point of doing it but not exchanging any pleasantries at all.

I know how you feel op, you were just trying to be polite. Once when serving in a shop I said "yes dear" to thenext customer he rounded on me very nasty and said "I am not your dear" I was so humiliated. I realise now that it`s patronising to call someone dear when serving but was only trying to be friendly. There are a lot of unhappy people in this world so just forget about it.

He was really rude but well done for calling him out about it rather than passively aggressively muttering under your breath back. Personally when someone allows me to go first I consider it a pleasant gesture and it brightens rather than ruins my day. Did he really think it was more sensible for him to wait while twenty people go in the opposite direction or would have been more sensible just for him to go through first. Maybe he likes to be in control of traffic issues.

I'd say Parent A is being just as ridiculous tbh. He's stood there holding a door open but you're meant to mind read and know who for....and obviously not walk through said open door yourself!