To not know how to prepare my toddler for newborns arrival?

[MermaidsTears]

My toddler is 22 months and baby is due in 8 weeks time, I have read online and asked friend etc but the advice is unrealistic because my DD doesn't talk yet so doesn't understand?
It says to talk about the baby and read big sister books etc but she wouldn't have a clue!
She's had her check up and she's not behind in speaking and no issues etc it just seems like lots of other two year olds talk and hold conversation (if limited, but still), she clearly understand most of what we say and she has just started to put a few words together and can ask for things, like goes to the fridge and says mum narna yum...(wanting me to get a banana for example)
I have been playing with baby dolls alot with her and she cuddles and kisses them and says 'ahhh baby'
But me sitting and telling her theres a baby coming soon, nope!?
I feel really guilty at the thought of her waking up one morning after me being gone for a few days and suddenly there's a screaming baby
Am I being over sensitive?

It's natural to be concerned about how your older child will react to a newborn. I've got a 3yo DD and a 16 day old DS.

We just talked a lot about the baby in mummy's tummy, even if you don't think they'll understand they will pick up on some things.

We also bought this book which DD loved: www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Theres-House-Inside-My-Mummy-Orchard-Picturebooks/1841210684/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493893633&sr=8-1&keywords=there%27s+a+house+inside+my+mummy&tag=mumsnetforum-21

You can talk to her until the cows come home. It won't be real to her until the baby's actually here.
The main things are to include and involve her in caring for baby.
Remind family and friends to make a fuss of her as well.
Get her a huge big sister badge.
Buy her a little token gift from her new baby sister.
Now there are bound to be a few teething problems. You have to be realistic. She's only 2 years old. Just a baby herself. Plus she's had your undivided attention for all that time.

I agree she won't get it until the baby arrives!

My twins were almost three when their little brother was born, I could tell they didn't really believe I had a baby in my tummy and were astonished when I brought him home!

Do lots of baby cuddles with her. Sit her on the couch with the baby, she'll love it.

We got the same book. DS wasn't hugely interested in it or the fact that we were getting a baby etc. DD is now 4 wks old & DS will be 3 in a fortnight. He LOVES her. Once she was here, after a few days of settling & lots of reassurance, it just clicked. We make a big effort to keep his routine the same where possible & spend one on one time with him & it's been really seamless. He is mad about his sister, full of kisses & hugs & seems really happy & secure on himself.

Don't over think it - it'll be fine. Keep talking to her about her baby sister / brother. I vet she understands a lot more than you think. She might just not be that interested yet.

Also, if she visits in hospital, make sure you're not holding the baby when your OH brings her in. Get him to text when on the way.

Also, if she visits in hospital, make sure you're not holding the baby when your OH brings her in

I did that and the first thing my 2 year old dd said was I want to hold my baby sister!

Hi Mermaid,

Congratulations!

When I was expecting DC2 I bought these books:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0859539733/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0859539733/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

I loved them because there are no words, just pictures, so you can make up your own words with your DD, and the "My New Baby" shows the older child "helping" to look after the baby, then saying good night to baby and having some time on their own with mum and dad.

If you are due in 8 weeks, can you help your DD to feel baby moving?

You're right that you need to talk to her about her new sibling before you have the baby - including what will happen if you are having a hospital birth, e.g. who will look after her.

I have 22 months between my older boys. Tbh my first talked really well and had good general understanding at that age but there is still no way of preparing them for the reality of a baby beyond reading the books which you are already doing. We have never done anything more than that and talk about the baby in general and have been lucky enough never to have had any problems.

I have done this a few times - 4 DC with age less than 2 years each time. For the last few weeks of pregnancy I put the baby car seat in the car and got the toddler to pick a teddy or dolly to put in the car seat, when we were going out, to check it was "safe" for the baby. So they got use to seeing the car seat next them in the car and "someone" in it.

We also never stopped the toddler touching the baby but always encouraged them to touch feet and legs rather than heads and faces.

Don't always rush away from the toddler when the baby cries. As someone said to me when having no.2. the baby won't know if it has cried for 30sec or 2min while you say finish filling the toddlers drink but the toddler will know if you have left them at the first cry. Obviously this was for only a minute or so.

We had a baby gate in the living room so I knew I could see and talk to the toddler at all times whilst sitting feeding the baby. And they had toys to play with etc.

We were lucky and never had any troubles when a new baby arrived.

My baby arrived 3 months ago when DS was 2.10 years old, he didn't have a clue. We kept talking about the baby but he didn't understand.. then I disappeared for 4 days and came back with one! We've just carried on giving him lots of attention and trying to involve him. He has accepted him as part of the furniture but there definitely weren't any cutesy older brother holding baby pics!

Thankyou all so much for the advice I have taken on board and I have added the picture books to my Amazon basket and also a baby doll which you can give a bottle to etc for her to play with.
My eldest DD was 9 when her sister arrived so of course I had none of these issues to contend with, I suppose as a PP said the toddler will soon accept the baby as part of the furniture and I'm assuming by the end of the year my DD will not really remember life without her new baby brother and all this will be forgotten.

I guess my worry was trying to get my head around the first night home when my DD suddenly realised that this new baby who I Have to hold and feed etc is not going anywhere! I'm imagining being torn in two over an upset confused toddler and a needy newbie who's u crying all night.

I'm being helped for my pre natal depression and anxiety (something I've never ever suffered with before in any way) and suddenly everything feels like it will be the end of the world

i had my dd when ds was 21 months five years ago.
The best piece of advice i received was to make sure new baby was in her hospital crin when dh took older ds to visit me in hospital......so he could come straight over and cuddle me....it was v helpful as from the outset he didnt feel pushed out.

i had ds no 2 last week and despite my other two now being 7 and 9 i did same thing and think it really helped

good luck....and its a brill age gap. mine are still so close.

sorry crin should say crib!

Mine are a similar age gap. I found drawing a stickman picture of the family with baby in my tummy and then with baby out helped. A big sister t-shirt really helped her get lots of attention at Nursery etc which she lived feeling a proud big sis.

Criss cross- I totally agree. I did that and feel it really helped toddler not feel replaced. Also we bigged up how wonderful a big sister she was and how much the baby loved her, while still allowing toddler to be a baby if she wanted.