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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with in-laws

54 replies

BristolianChick · 04/05/2017 10:15

I want to be called mummy by my DS, I've always called myself this to him and so has my DH and my family (unfortunately we don't get to see my family much as they live so far away)

My in laws call me mam to my DS and my DH has corrected them loads of times but they still do it. (We see them at least once a week so pretty regularly)

They got to chose what they're called (Nanan / Grandma / Granny etc) so why should they decide what me THE MOTHER gets to be called too?

DS is turned 3 last week and now calls me mam. I hate it and I am very cross about it.

I've said to DH that if they persist with this then I'm gonna start calling them grandma and grandad (they wanted to be Nanan and pops Hmm) to which DH says IABU and he will continue to correct them which clearly hasn't worked so far. AIBU?

OP posts:
Batghee · 04/05/2017 11:01

user i agree with you!! My friend started calling me 'mummy' like 'and hows mummy today?' It made my blood boil.... what so i have i just lost my entire identity for you now ive given birth!! In the end i actually had to tell her to stop even though i know she was just trying to be nice in her own way. It made me too angry though. Your identity is battered enough as it is by becoming a mum without other adults stopping using your name!

Pinkheart5917 · 04/05/2017 11:01

A mothers right? What? A mothers right? Is this a mothers right issue?

Maybe your ds prefers saying mam to Mummy? Maybe it's just a phase and if you leave him be instead of correcting him he will start calling your something else? Or maybe in a few years he will call you Mum or mother instead of Mummy anyway or shock horror he might call you your real name as I do my mum.

Your inlaws are from yourkshire so they say mam so when they talk to your ds they talk in there Yorkshire tongue, that haven't forced the child to say mam. His picked it up becuase its different, becuase he likes it?

user1493022461 · 04/05/2017 11:02

If you call yourself mummy all day every day, and they use mam on the one day a week you see them, clearly the child has chosen for themselves which they prefer. It's not the in laws, its the biy.

Original poster
BristolianChick · 04/05/2017 11:02

@QuiteLikely5
It's not a dialect thing, it's a completely different name. Its like calling someone with the name Peter by the name Patrick instead!

I might just try to have to have a quiet word with MIL when she and SILs comes for lunch tomorrow. There will be a lot of kids around though so I hope she doesn't take it badly, she has a slight tendency for the dramatic.

OP posts:
SecretNetter · 04/05/2017 11:03

What does your dh call you to the dc? If he was a teenager when he moved away from the area where 'mam' is more used, I'd imagine that's also fairly natural to him - and that he also calls his own mother 'mam'?

Maybe he's slipped up too and it's not just the IL's influencing it?

SapphireStrange · 04/05/2017 11:05

I would hate to be mam; it's a bit common!

FFS.

But OP, you're not being U. Just lose it next time and shout at them. They clearly can't or won't listen to gentle corrections.

EdmundCleverClogs · 04/05/2017 11:06

Yanbu to a degree, in the early years it's your choice what to be called. However, you say your three year old is being deliberately opposite at the moment, so I wouldn't show stress over it. Just keep on using 'mummy' in the third person, I'm sure in a few weeks it will sort itself out.

However, I would like to add that Oh YANBU. I would hate to be mam; it's a bit common! is a bloody rude thing to say. How the hell is it 'common'? I guess everyone in Ireland, Wales and the North are common then compared to the superior people of the south Hmm.

Original poster
BristolianChick · 04/05/2017 11:09

@SecretNetter
Yeah DH does call his mum mam but he calls me mummy to DS (and the odd slip of the tongue when he's uses my given name)

As well I think I'm going to ignore it when he says mam and just keep saying mummy, he is being a very cheeky monkey at the minute (is this what they call a threenager, lol!) so with any luck he will stop sooner rather than later!

OP posts:
Original poster
BristolianChick · 04/05/2017 11:10

Thanks to everyone for your replies! 😊

OP posts:
Pinkheart5917 · 04/05/2017 11:11

Just lose it next time and shout at them. They clearly can't or won't listen to gentle correction

Why would anyone behave that way about this? The child is 3, 3 year olds have phases and the child is I assume not with his grandparents everyday so if op doesn't make a fuss to the child and continues to call herself Mummy he will go back to it

The in law are from Yorkshire so speak in a Yorkshire tongue and when they talk they use mam like they always have.

To "lose it and shout" about this you've have to be unhinged

Jux · 04/05/2017 11:13

So, are you going to start referring to yourself more? That's the crux of it, really, there are going to be so many casual people who will get those relationship names wrong, so keep calling yourself 'mummy' and do it far more often. "Mummy says....." lots.

SovietKitsch · 04/05/2017 11:18

Since when is mam Yorkshire?! No one I know from Yorkshire including myself says mam?!

misses point of thread

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2017 11:18

Your name. You get to choose, surely? I'd tell them unequivocally to use the correct title tbh.

FrenchMartiniTime · 04/05/2017 11:20

I can't believe people are seriously suggesting that OP stops her child from seeing his grand parents on a regular basis because of this ridiculous situation.

OP you need to get over yourself, seriously. You sound like a nutter and very PFB.

God only knows how you'll react when he gets older and starts calling you mum.

Biscuit
SecretNetter · 04/05/2017 11:20

Yeah DH does call his mum mam

I wouldn't underestimate the influence this might be having too.

I have two ds's and although I've been the 'main' carer for most of their years they've both gone through the fairly common hero-complex stage where only daddy would do, he was the best and they'd want to copy everything he did and so on...it may well be hearing your dh refer to his own Mam that is impacting just as much.

Pinkheart5917 · 04/05/2017 11:21

Soviet really? All my dh side are from Yorkshire although live down south with us now and they all say mam

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeydays14 · 04/05/2017 11:29

Edmund exactly!! Common welshie calling my Mam just that! 😂 Shame on me!
I used to call her mummy when I was a small child but eventually grew out of it

Just tell them how you feel, they may not realise how much it bothers you.

BarbarianMum · 04/05/2017 11:46
Bluebell9 · 04/05/2017 13:08

My niece started calling her mum by her proper name ie Beth. Like your DS she thought it was funny. But my niece hated being called sweetheart for some reason, so every time she called my sister Beth, my sister called her sweetheart. She soon stopped it!
Could you try calling your DS another name when he doesn't call you mummy. Then when he says its not his name, you can say well I'm not mam, I'm mummy.

OrangeJubbly · 05/05/2017 14:43

You are being ridiculous! This is all to do with Dialect and nothing to do with them being thoughtless!!!

You are turning it into a big issue
Absolutely this. I'm Yorkshire but live in East Anglia.
It's really difficult for me to say 'Mummy' and not feel like I'm pretending to be somebody I'm not. It doesn't feel natural.
My DCs tended to call me Mum because they were born here, and it sounded normal coming from them.
In my childhood 'Mummy' would have sounded a bit wimpy and it's hard to shake that off.
Frankly 'Mummy' sounds silly and forced in my own accent and I don't think I could keep it up. I'd forget.
Now my DCs are grown up they call me Mam. It started off as teasing but now it's stuck. I'm glad.

OrangeJubbly · 05/05/2017 14:49

There will be a lot of kids around though so I hope she doesn't take it badly, she has a slight tendency for the dramatic

Oh the irony Grin

OrangeJubbly · 05/05/2017 14:55

Since when is mam Yorkshire?!

I was born and brought up in Yorkshire and everyone says Mam.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 05/05/2017 15:00

YANBU. You should be called what you want to be called. It's a good lesson for your DS to prepare him for people who despise a particular nickname or abbreviation, or prefer being called Mr. or Mrs. instead of by their first name. Being polite means addressing people as they want to be addressed, unless they are demanding you address them as Grand Duchess or St. Juan Capistrano when they are nothing of the sort.

If your DS calls you 'mam' tell him 'Who is that? There is nobody called Mam here?' and don't do what he wants you to do. Children adapt to get what they want. If calling you 'mam' doesn't get him anything, even much of a reaction, he'll revert back to calling you Mummy.

newmumma2016 · 05/05/2017 17:03

I couldn't care less what my daughter calls me,
My mother and her sisters called my nan 'mam'
My dad used to call my other nan 'mum'

When I was little I used to call mother 'mumma'
I now call her mother as it slightly embarrasses her! Grin

My brother calls her 'christie bum' and my other sisters call her 'mum'

I think there are worse things to worry about really.
He's not going to call you 'mummy' forever.

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