Was IBU to say/do this?

[farmers]

Yesterday I saw a young woman (20ish) walking past me, obviously crying.
I stopped her and asked if she was alright. She nodded (still crying) and I asked if there was anything I could get her (tissues/water).
She said she didn't need anything so I told her I hoped she felt better soon and walked off.

I mentioned this to a friend who said it was very intrusive of me.

WIBU and if I was, what would you like a stranger to do if you were crying in public?

You definitely did the right thing!
It's a sad world if we can't show kindness to a vulnerable human.
Intrusive would have been to push it if she declined, but to know that the offer was there may have made all the difference to her.

I think you did the right thing. If in doubt, we should always choose to be as kind as possible. I have appreciated the help of kind strangers on the rare occasions when I've been in distress in public.

I do this all the time. It's just being kind.

It is sad that most people would walk by. The least I'd do is ask if she was ok & whether she needed a tissue.

Life is so different to how it used to be, people not talking, neighbours keeping themselves to themselves.

I see some threads on here & think in days gone by neighbours would bend over backwards to help. Like I ran out of sugar the other day, I remember my Mum sending me next door for some. You wouldn't do that now.

YWNBU it would have been intrusive to get involved if she didnt want you to but you didnt do that you just offered your help which is a lovely thing to do.
My husband was late picking me up from somewhere last week and i was stood outside in the cold with my baby for a long time. A woman had seen me and came and asked if i were okay and did i need her to call anyone etc.... I just thanked her and said no. I wasnt offended i thought she was a really nice person. If someone had been stranded she couldve really helped them.

Oh no it was lovely and not intrusive. I was crying at a bus stop in the middle of the night about 15 years ago. A couple stopped and asked if I was ok. I said I was thank you (I wasn't), and they gave me a tissue and left me alone. I really appreciated feeling like somebody cared enough to ask even though I wanted to be left alone.

I would ask someone because of that moment but have yet to come across someone crying and alone to pass on the good deed!

You did the right thing by asking. Late last year I burst into tears on the Tube in the middle of a period of acute anxiety. One woman came up to me and put a pack of tissues in my hand, and sort of shielded me off from onlookers. (Another lady, as she got off, told me she would pray for me and hoped that I was feeling well soon - I'm not at all religious but was very moved.)

I would absolutely offer/ask.

YANBU. Your friend was unkind. She was clearly capable of choosing and saying no thank you; you hardly pushed yourself on her.

Even though you didn't 'help' her in any material way, that little bit of contact may well have made her feel a bit better. It was kind of you.

Intrusive? Surely it's caring for fellow human beings.

I think it was a kind thing to do.
When my step dad died very suddenly I had to travel by train alone, immediately after getting the news. I sobbed all the way, it was over an hour travelling, feeling confused, shocked and distressed. I am sad to say, despite being on a busy train nobody asked if I was okay. I wouldn't want a fuss but a bit of kindness would have been appreciated.

You were very kind and probably made that girls day to know some stanger cared enough to ask her if she was ok or needed anything.

There was a thread a few weeks ago about the kindness of strangers and posters remembered people doing things like this for them for years

Tell your friend to jog on, and that you hope she is never needing a bit of help and someone like her walks past her.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect

I can see why some would feel like you were maybe intruding or making them embarrassed, but I'd rather that than pass by someone who genuinely needed help or comforting.

@Farmers I don't think what you did was unreasonable at all, I think it was lovely.

A few months ago I ended up crying in public. I was in a beer garden reading a book in the winter sunshine and the tears just started to flow and flow and flow. I haven't cried in years. A woman came up to me and and would not leave me alone. Even after I had stopped the tears, she kept coming up and trying to talk to me about what was bothering me. Even stating that she had done a counsellors diploma and I needed to talk to someone.

In the end I left, it was hugely embarrassing. I appreciated the initial contact was meant well, but the persistence and continuation of trying to get me to talk to her repeatedly was inappropriate I felt.

I saw a woman crying on a bus recently. She was on the phone talking another language. She kept scrubbing at her eyes with her hand to wipe away tears (this went on for a good 15mins)
I handed her a pack of tissues. Sat down and let her carry on her conversation. She knew where I was if she needed me

She may or may not have appreciated it as some would some wouldn't.

All you done was ask if she was ok, so hardly intrusive.

In short op yanbu

I was in a right state a little while back, was sat in a tiny hospital waiting room as they'd buggered up & lost my notes, had forgotten I was coming & was meant to be given a bed etc, my OH was at work so I was on my own until he got there, I'd been sent home & not had the procedure done the day before, pregnant, hadn't been allowed any food or even water since the night before. I was in a damn mess wailing to myself to be honest!
A visitor of another patient came in to the waiting room & I thought great, now they've added a stranger to the mix when I've been told I'm going to have to get changed into a hospital gown in the bloody waiting room toilets.

But she started talking to me & asking if I was ok, asked about what was happening etc & it made the world of difference actually, she managed to cheer me up for a bit & I was really grateful to her

We had a thread like this not long ago, except in a café. Most people there agreed that it was a kind gesture, and that if the crying woman had been them, they would have appreciated the kind thought and the offer of a tissue.

I still think that too.

I once burst into tears in a supermarket. My father had died a few months previously and I was about 8 months pregnant at the time. Someone just stood by me and then put their hand on my arm. No words were spoken but it was strangely very comforting, and I don't like intrusiveness, or strangers touching me as I'm quite a private person. I will never forget that kind gesture.

What you did was lovely. I would now probably do the same.

I once gave two young women a lift in the pouring rain. I had no children at the time and had come back from working a shift. They were hitchhiking and it turned out they were starving as well, so I brought them back to my home. I gave them beans on toast, a hot cup of tea and then said that I would leave them to their hostel, which was about 30 miles away. They were astonished I would do that but I couldn't just leave them to carry on. I really wanted to see them to their destination safely. They were about 20, I was about 25 at the time. I could well have been robbed looking back, but I didn't feel any danger.

You offered help. She refused. You did the right thing x

YANBU or intrusive. You were kind.

I've offered a sympathetic smile and a tissue several times to girls my dd's age on the train home. Never been rebuffed or told I was being intrusive. One ended up telling me her troubles - she was on a gap year and missed her Mum, poor love.

If your friend wouldn't have acted the same way you did, that's her choice, but I think she was a bit harsh saying you were intrusive.

I was crying at a big train station once. I'd just been helping to give first aid to a man on a train further up on a branch line who was unfortunately unable to be saved, even after paramedics arrived. By the time I'd given a statement to the police I'd missed my appointment I was headed to and got back as far as the big station before it hit me and I broke down.

A passing train conductor stopped, asked if I was ok, provided tissues and a tea from the office whilst waiting for my train.

When my train arrived it turned out he was the new conductor. He put me in first class for my journey home.

It helped to know someone was looking out for me.