Do we wait?

[AppleTree92]

Morning everyone, I have NC'd!

DP and I are both 25 and have one DD whose 9 months old. The discussion of another DC keeps cropping up and we're not sure what to do?

As it stands DP is currently an NQT and in his final induction term, starting in a new school in September.

I've just finished my 2nd year of uni with one year to go and then I want to go on to do teacher training for a year. We're also getting married next summer.

Ideally I think we should wait until I'm an NQT with a job so I would qualify for maternity leave. But that is years away!

I do want another DC but want to be a teacher too. Which comes first? I do want DD to be close to her sibling, would 4 years be too much of a gap? There's 7 between my brother and I and we're not close at all.

So what would you do?

Go for the PGCE straight away after uni and wait to have more DC.

Put PGCE off for a few years to enjoy time with DD and have more DC soon?

Don't really have too much advice for you but me and my sister are 3.5 years apart and we have always been close apart from typical squabbling as teens.

I'd do the latter. I like the idea of siblings close in age :-)

No real advice other than I don't think 4 years is a huge gap. My sister is 4 years younger than me and although we squabbled as kids (as most kids do) we got on well and by the teen years we were and remain best friends. My Mum is 10 years younger than her elder sister and they are also best friends, although that only really came about when my Mum married and had kids but still having a family is a lifetime thing not just having toddlers etc.

I have a 10 year gap between my two and I think they are closer because there has been no direct rivalry.

You have to do what is right for you but personally I'd get the education out of the way first.

My dc are 11 months apart becuase that was right for me & dh but me & my brothers are 5 & 10 years apart and we get on just fine and have always been close. So I don't really think age gap with children matters if they are going to be close and get on they will, not all siblings get on regardless of age.

Only you can decide and know what's right for you and your dp but I'd be inclined to get your career started sooner rather than later

Do what's right for you!

Personally, I think doing a NQT with 2 young children will be tough, you'll be counting the year down rather than enjoying it. Don't make life any harder than it has to be.

There's 20 months between me and DB and we aren't close at all...there's 11 years between my best friend and her DB and they're unbelievably close. I nannies for a family who had 23 months between the eldest 2 (who couldn't stand each other) and 8y between the middle and youngest and the elder two are (separately) b close to the youngest and I've nannies for a family who had 3 in 3y and they all adore each other

I genuinely don't believe you should base when to have a child on the hope they'll be close in age so close to each other

Being a nqt with one small child will be hard, doing it with two even harder. I'd wait. Four years is not that big a gap and jealously is likely to be less

We are leaning towards going straight into teaching and waiting for more children (if we're lucky enough). So your reassurances have helped! I just hope my brooding fades!

If you could manage it financially, I would get Uni finished and get married so you can 'draw a line' under those and then TTC. Then do the PGCE after a year with dc2.

If you did a PGCE after number 2, would you also get help with childcare costs then?

I'd do the education first. I think you run a very real risk of never getting back into it after a second child until you're quite a bit older but with no experience - it will be better professionally for you for sure. I also don't think there'll be any detrimental affect to your daughter to have a sibling four years younger, as others say, it's really no guarantee of future relationships.

I have brothers and sisters with a variety of age gaps. I am closest to my sister with the seven year age gap, I would call her my best friend. I get on well with the sister who is a couple of years different but not as well.

I personally think you should establish your careers and wait. You're both students with a child already, at the very least money must be tight.

I think you should finish your degree and then try. I speak as a teacher with no kids. The PGCE will always be available but family is much more important. I hope to have a child soon, wish I had done it years ago. Good luck whatever you choose.

It's a game changer with 2. And way more expensive. Are you 100% sure you want to be a teacher? Have you explored that route thoroughly.
Maternity packages via schools I don't think are great. But yes it isn't nice to have the option of a job to come back too.
My 2 DCs are 2.6 years apart. I wish I had a bigger gap if I'm honest. It's very hard. Sorry. No help whatsoever. I see it from both sides. But choose what YOU want. Not what society dictates you must do. You could get pregnant and have twins. You never know

There is 18 months between my two but they are poles apart. They are pleasant to each other but unless it changes in adulthood they are not going to be best friends close. My DB was 13 years older and incredibly close. There is no perfect gap as personalities differ so much.