Just had a run in with my neighbour

[DandyLionHead]

I'll cut out most of the detail to keep this short. I observed from an upstairs window, a group of boys aged around 6-8 being unkind to my DD(6), essentially ganging up on her and kicking her hat around on the ground. Then one boy picked up a rock and threw it at her.

I went outside and asked where their parents were. None would tell me so I told them not to throw rocks and took DD inside.

Didn't think anything of it until the dad of one of the boys came to my door saying I was not to shout at his kid and come to him next time and his son had come to him crying. He was quite aggressive and caught me off guard so instead of telling him the full story (ie about them kicking her hat around) I just said that I hadn't shouted. He was saying there were stones next to my car, implying that DD had also been throwing rocks, and said it was tit for tat. I have no issue telling DD off if I observe her doing something wrong but on this occasion, I only saw the boys doing anything. I'm crap at confrontation and was taken aback by his stance. He didn't even ask me what had happened. He then left saying do not shout at my son again.

Aibu to think he was out of order? If a neighbour had told my DC off, I'd go round and find out their side of the story and apologise if it turned out they had been in the wrong. I'm pissed off with myself for not standing up to him (and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have spoken to DP like that) but don't want to start a war with my neighbours. What would you do, if anything, in this situation?

Sorry you got yelled at OP. The neighbour doesn't sound like someone worth bothering with from what you've written, but the injustice of it would make me want to say something when everyone's cooled down anyway! What does your DP say?

Thanks for replying Candle.

DP was upset and said he'd go round but I don't want it to escalate as I'm mindful that we'll have to rub along to a degree as we're neighbours. I feel like saying something to his wife though as their son is often stood at their gate giving my DC the bird when we pull into the street. I think the least he could do was find out what happened rather than believe their son who clearly made out it was my DD too but she was being ganged up on and I didn't single any if the boys out, I collectively told them to stop throwing rocks.

I think it's affected me more than it should, partly because I was abused by my XH and I just can't cope with men speaking to me like that, trying to intimidate me and although it's silly, I know he feels like he has the upper hand because I was defensive when I should have stood up to him. And the injustice as you've pointed out. I had to drive past them sat in their garden and I wouldn't let DD play out. I hate the fact that he's made me feel so vulnerable .

Christ, you can see where his son gets it from. I wouldn't go around there again unless there is another incident they needs addressing. I would try and stay distant but firm, I expect he's the sort to jump on any sense of vulnerability so stand your ground but don't give him the satisfaction of seeming bothered. Also 6 years old is surely too young to be out and unattended if they are not outside their home!???

dandyi think you were correct to intervene.
You did nothing wrong.
I've experienced difficulty with a neighbour recently who I now know is totally bonkers.
The first indication I had that I deludedly ignoredwas the anti social behaviour of their dc.

Rude, aggressive dc who obviously are suffering as a result of bad role modeling.

The son flips the bird
I'd keep well clear, don't let your dc out around them they are not nice people and you can't reason with crazy.

He sounds horrible. That's why dc grow up entitled and thinking the world owes them a living and respecting nothing and no one - because of shitty parents like this.

You did nothing wrong. Do you think he'd listen to reason if you tried to speak to him??? Like Fuzzy says, you can't reason with crazy. :(

I'd have a word with his wife if I was you or (as much as you don't want to) get your DP to speak with that man. If those boys continue to do anything towards your daughter, and the parents aren't going to step in, then contact their school.