Firstly I will say, I AM grateful...but the point of this thread is, am I being U to feel a little sad that I feel I'm not always being listened to...
Back story is that I've been signed off sick for some months due to injury. (I'm now not claiming anything.. in fact haven't for a couple of weeks, so no money coming in)
About a month ago I had to attend an assessment to see if I was fit for work... I wasn't able to drive then (due to the injury) so best friend offered to take me. She sat in on assessment with me. She constantly butted in even though I was capable of answering for myself, I'm not ill, as I said, it's an injury. She treated it as a joke, making constant small talk with the assessor.
I got asked the perfectly reasonable question about if I accessed the internet, I replied yes, and friend butted in saying 'oh yes she just sends me pictures of cats all day!'
Firstly it's not at all true, and even if it was, it's not something that she should have said!
Fast forward on to last week as I was now able to drive again (shortish distances)- I took her to a tribunal re her benefits and disability (more affects from long term sickness but I don't want to out here). She wanted me to sit in with her. I only spoke when spoken to, to give my name and to say that it was me that drove her there. A few times I bit my tongue rather than say things (which would have been in her favour, I should add) Thankfully we were told there and then, that she had won and would get her benefits reinstated. Relief all round.
A few days ago I get the letter from my assessment saying I had failed it and should go to the job centre asap as I am fit for work. This wasn't a surprise to me but I feel very vulnerable as I worry I'll be sent for jobs I can't do because I'm still recovering from injury. I know from past experience (I've been on JSA a few times in past briefly, following redundancies) that you can't turn work down or will be sanctioned. So I'm trying to find a job off my own back. I'm still in pain and waiting on hopefully starting physio. I'd already been told it could be another 6 months before I am healed, but I do really, really want to work, obviously I have no choice anyway as ESA stopped paying me.
Anyway, one of the things in the report sent to me (about me) states that 'alltoo sits in her chair uploading pictures of cats to the internet'! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I can see the funny side but I'm mortified too! She'd be furious if I'd said similar and it had ended up on her files. I just feel, cringe....
Other issue is, that her and another friend are constantly job hunting for me and tagging me in jobs. I didn't ask for help, I spend a few hours a day doing this and have been for weeks (knowing I would not pass assessment, because no one seems to these days.. they are cutting down on esa) but I am grateful to them (friends, I mean).
At the same time, I feel I am not being listened to.
I've said the certain things I can do, eg data entry/office work, that's mainly what I'm applying for. Cashier, etc. Not too physical unlike my old line of work where I was constantly lifting, unloading, sorting etc.
They know the score.. I cannot use my dominant arm except for light duties. I cannot raise it high, I'm ok to drive now, short distances (though it hurts) but I can't raise it to, say , head height. I can't lift anything heavy. Getting dressed still a struggle, etc.
Yet they keep tagging me, publicly on facebook, for eg waitressing jobs, knowing that I'm having to use my non dom arm which I'm quite wobbly and not very dexterous with. I couldn't carry a tray or a water jug one armed as i'd be likely to drop it. Basically every job they've 'found' for me is one where I'd risk never healing.
Also my old line of work was one of bullying culture (several companies but all the same.. ) One company, I had to cover for 95% of the managers as they were on sick leave with nervous breakdowns. I ended up having one too and left. My best friend went through all of this with me. She knows I could never work in that line of work again, let alone that particular company. Yet yesterday she tagged me in a job for that very company. I felt pretty hurt by this but I appreciate I'm maybe being over sensitive right now.
I just feel I gave her so much support, I listened and it's not being returned.
Obviously it's up to me to find a job (I've just done the rounds and blitzed loads of places with CVs as I got sick of applying on line.. maybe it would give me more of a chance if people saw I was being proactive in person) but I feel I can't tell friends to butt out as that would be rude and ungrateful..
Yes I sound really weak but I am still in pain right now and pretty worried.