To think that my dh should manage to organise SOMETHING as a treat for me once in a while?

[clumsymum]

Once again, we are NOT going out for lunch on mother's day because dh didn't think to book until too late. Guess what, we didn't go out for valentines day because he didn't think to book my favourite restaurant until it was fully booked. He didn't even consider the idea of a different restaurant, or just a different evening. No, once the date is passed, that's it, idea over and done with.

He works away mon-fri. I organise his entire life, dealing with his contracting agency, his hotel bookings, making sure his invoices, VAT, PAYE and tax returns are all dealt with on time. I raise our son, and remind him about birthdays etc for his older children my steps (although after 14 years of ingratitude from them, I don't actually get the presents and stuff any more, I make him deal with that).

Every weekend I make sure he has the clothes and stuff he needs for the following week. I'm trying to get quotes to re-mortgage, and regularly check our utility bills to ensure we're on the best tariffs.

DH tells me he has booked the Monday off work for our wedding anniversary, so we can go out somewhere nice on the Sunday night. Do you think he'll do anything about booking a table or organising a baby-sitter? Nope. So unless I do it, he'll have given up a day's pay for us to do nothing.

Don't I deserve better?

Drop extremely heavy hints about an extra special picnic. The whether is supposed to be nice this weekend so pack him off to the supermarket on saturday with strict instructions not to return without extra special picnic food and drink.

clumsymum you sound peed off and no wonder!!

my dh is crap at things like birthdays/anniversaries/mothers day too and I organise the whole bloody lot. I also do the organising re the house you're talking about.

but he is great round the house, does loads. also does loads with the kids, so does make up for lack of romantic gestures!

Is your dh a good hubby apart from the above?

sounds like you could do with a break - book a weekend awy for just you

No Maisy, I don't want to go away on my own, I don't see dh from Monday to Friday anyway, I just want to feel that what I do is appreciated.

Yes generally I guess he is a good husband, and o.k. as a father (altho rather inclined to get impatient with ds. Unfair when he's only here 2 days a week).
I certainly don't have any worries about his fidelity, and he never questions what I spend or do.

I just feel so bl&&dy taken for granted.

I learnt a long time ago - if I want to do something special - I have to organise it myself...

Given up wishing/hoping and being disapointed..

for my birthday I booked a weekend away with DD and DH, told him to book 2 days of work and off we went.. He didn't have to do anything other than drive us down there..

It doesn't stop us having a good time just because he didn't think of it..

I can guarentee he will have organised nothing for mother day so unless I think of somewhere - we won't be doing anything special - although to be honest not that bothered about that...

Learned a long time ago - it doesn't mean that DH doesn't love me if he doesn't think/organise anything - just that it isn't important to him to doesn't understand how I feel..

You never know he may surprise me one day! although not holding my breath and not expecting as have spent too many years in the past being upset over it - no more tears here... do it myself!

Oh and I've booked every holiday we've ever had, including taking him to Barcelona when he was 40, and our cruise we're taking in april.

For my 40th birthday weekend dh managed to collect a speeding ticket on the motorway so spent the whole weekend being *rsey.

ditto clumsymum

orry, I'm getting more riled here.

Apparently dh is a work all week, he has no resources for finding phone numbers and stuff to book meals, without it costing us money.

Somehow, in the scheme of things, I don't think £2 on directory enquiries would break us.

clumsymum, book something gorgeous yourself!

it doesn't sound like money is a problem, thats something to be grateful for.

he sounds a bit of a typical man to me

show him this thread???

sorry - don't have any other useful ideas, but FWIW I don't think you're being unreasonable

No clumsymum I do understand how you feel, especially with him working away. My DH has similar tendencies - ie decided we wouldn't go out to eat on Sunday because everywhere will be busy. Now if we stayed at home and he cooked a nice meal, I would be OK, but he has not cooked a from scratch meal (just reheated stuff I have made) in nine years of marriage so it is not happening this Sunday. I think it will end up being a take away because I have not ordered anything to cook on Sunday in this week's shopping.

Also I did fabric painting on tea towels with the DC for their grandmothers. And DS said "what are we going to do for you, mummy" so I said he would have to talk to Daddy. He considered making cards with them but apparently he "can't be arsed", although fortunately that comment was directed to me, not DS.

Doesn't he work in IT, clumsymum? No access to the internet all week?

introduce him to the World Wide Web - where you can find telephone numbers of restaurants, you can shop for treats and have them delivered or he could even book tickets to anywhere! Imagine he could do it anytime of the day or night!

There is no excuse!!!!

thats mean bozza

my post crossed with Bozza'a, am going to call my DP and bollock him. I am getting riled too now. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

no you're not, wish my dh would do so more often!

Hi Bozza.

Where he working ATM has a VERY secure site, so extremely limited internet access. Apparently his hotel has broken the internet access that was available in the rooms (recently changed hands, the hotel is in chaos. He expects me to have sympathy).

I would imagine there must be an internet cafe somewhere tho'. Actually I know he has found a couple of wifi hotspots in the town.

Just a general 'can't be *rsed-ness' about it.

There is also the rather novel idea of planning it all a week ahead isn't there? Then he could do it from home.

That's just it, he doesn't do forward planning. My birthday comes up the same time every year (surprisingly), and there is always a comment with the present of "I was going to get you xxxx but didn't have time/they couldn't deliver in time"

And now he adds insult to injury.....

Please can I book his car in for it's MOT?

Then he'll take my car for the week, and I'll be the one without a car for 24 hrs (becos our very nice garage man takes it away, makes sure it'll pass, and gets his mate to MOT it, then brings it back)

I could just do with him grovelling a bit. How do I get him to grovell?

At times like this I like to buy myself something nice via the internet using his bank card. Doesn't solve the problem, but makes me feel better. Fraud? Noooo, its justified. He'd want to buy me a present, he just didn't think of it first.

Of course Foxybrown, what a very good idea. I don't even have to do the bankcard bit, Just when I transfer his business expenses into his account, I divert a little into mine instead.

It looks like he has organised something for our anniversary. He's emailed me to tell me I need to ensure we have a baby-sitter for Sunday 25th.

oooh, you'd better use that money to buy yourself something nice to wear

Ooh clumsy - at least he's thinking ahead for Sunday. Yes, you are right to be peed off, but like Heifer I resigned myself to the fact that if I want us to do something nice then I have to organise it myself.
Having said that, a few weeks ago I told him to organise something for Mother's Day, and that he would need to get the kids ready etc for us to go out. I haven't said a word about it since, and nor as he. I am expecting him not to have done anything, although a part of me is hoping I'm wrong.
However I'm honestly not bothered about whether we do something or nor, which I guess is why I'm more curious than anything else to see what happens.