Colleague reading boss's messages.

[SexualFlexual]

I define myself of heteroflexible and am currently in two relationships: one with a male, one with a female. The male relationship is your 'typical' relationship, although he works away a lot, whereas the relationship with the female is more sensual, nurturing and a little bit sexual. She's 40 and I am 28. [Please don't judge me on any of this]

She is a senior partner in a company I do some work for. I hold a long-term contract with them and my terms, payment and working hours are dictated by my work schedule and set out publicly for anyone I work for. So there's no way my relationship could enhance my work or career. I am my own boss. She is one member of the management team. Senior management know, but no one else in the company do. Or at least no one else in the company did until this weekend.

On Saturday I was working elsewhere and responded to a text that was sexual in nature (both the original message and the response). I did not realise she was still in the office. We were away together for Saturday and Sunday night and now looking back I did mention in a jokey kind of way she never responded and she said she didn't receive it, but when she looked later the message was there. Neither of us thought anything else of it.

I got into work yesterday and a colleague asked me how my weekend was and specifically started to ask some quite proving questions which made me feel a little odd. I did realise that one of the words used was an uncommon word that I'd used on the text... I brushed it off.

This morning the colleague (who's very openly gay) asked me out as she "now knows I'm gay; I've seen the evidence". I declined, but questioned why she would think that I was gay and she basically came out and said she'd read the text message after a bit of probing. My partner had had her phone on her desk and she'd read it through the notification screen. Now I don't think she could have read the full thing, but she's clearly read enough.

AIBU to tell my partner (her boss?) that this has happened? She currently has no idea about any of it. I feel pretty uneasy because of the content, but also I feel like it's an invasion of privacy. On the other hand I don't our personal lives dragged into the office, which is why I am wondering if it's just OK to tell my partner, but not make an official complaint?

that woman has been through your boss' phone like a dose of salts.

NO WAY has she just spotted the "caption" on screen...for one the message would still have been there for the intended recipient to read, which it was not, and for two...who (if you are already snooping) would not scroll back and read the whole text thread given the opportunity.

Yes I think your colleague has been through your partner's phone.What happened to the missing message? She knew way too much to have just glanced at the notification.

think she's jealous too otherwise why would she then ask you out if she knew you were involved with some one else.

Definitely tell your partner - total breach of honesty and trust.

Yep, I told her. It's her phone and up to her to decide. Her phone was actually probably unlocked as she'd removed the auto-lock function whilst using an app earlier that day.

I think she was proving a point, and perhaps hoping you'd feel pressured into take her up on her offer. Otherwise why would she come on to someone she knows is seeing the boss? That would a) potentially piss the boss off, and b) make it apparent that she read messages.

Proving a point?

It just seems really stupid, why would she risk it? Why did she even tell me?

I mean, showing you that she knows. And that she now feels she has the right to ask you out, thinks you're promiscuous or like you would have to go.out with her to keep her quiet. Probably a gross overreaction, but something has my hackles up with this scenario.

Ew. That's really creepy that she asked you out on the basis of finding out you were seeing your boss.

Resend the text to your OH and see how much shows. With her not seeing it I think it sounds like the colleague read the message and thats a whole different ball game to innocently catching a glance of an incoming message on a screen.

Do both people you're in relationships with know of each other?

@KungFuEric - Yes.

Yes. Creepy and a totally shitbag thing to do, but one of life's lessons about phones being locked and not on desks in the office. There's CCTV facing towards management offices so it's being checked to see if it's a one off or if it's a regularly occurrence (unlikely)

The polite thing would have been for her to ignore it completely, even if she did happen to catch a glance of it, and certainly not to use that information to ask you out herself! Incredibly creepy.

FWIW I always have my phone out in the office, but then I work in a large museum where I'm not at my desk half the time, so having a phone on me is pretty essential.

I have a mobile provided by work that is on my desk and I would still find it grossly intrusive if a colleague read messages/emails etc on it. I think your colleague is untrustworthy and thinks that she 'has something' on you now. Dangling information she has found out is not the action of a nice person and asking you out seems like a challenge to me.

Tell your boss and make sure that she uses her excellent relationships to manage the situation. Colleague needs to know that she has no leverage

You know what maybe just blithely style it out - she is in the wrong and maybe so nothing and let it slide ? She is a bad un though

What did message say