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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask for help re severe crippling anxiety particularly health related

15 replies

PissOffAnxiety · 03/05/2017 11:14

Firstly ...sorry to post in aibu...posting for traffic

I have had crippling anxiety on and off since my youngest was born almost 3 years ago...I am pretty certain it was triggered by a health scare (I had a benign breast cyst but the wait to find out all was ok almost gave me a nervous breakdown)

I am going through an awful patch at the moment. I went to the GP yesterday but bottled out of telling her exactly what is going through my mind and she sent me away with mindfulness exercises and a number to call if I want to self refer to counselling

I think this particular bad patch was triggered a few months ago by someone I know dying of cancer ...not close but a friend of a friend. since then I have been terrified of getting cancer myself and just obsess all the time that its not if its when I will end up with it as I am sure it is now 50% of us will get it. I try and reduce my risk by eating at least 5 fruit and veg a day and I take turmeric as well. But then I read about perfectly healthy, fit people who get it anyway!

if I don't eat "enough" fruit and veg in a day it makes me worry I didn't have enough to protect me. I didn't want to tell the gp this as she probably sees people every day that actualy DO have life threatening diseases not just worry about them.

Another thing I am terrified of is the menopause I am only 37 but had issues last year with heavy painful periods after having the coil fitted and my GP said it may be the start of the perimenopause. I have heard awful scary things and just dread it ...and that's definitely something i wont be able to prevent. A lot of it is to do with getting older and losing my looks as everyone says you can pretty much keep your looks and figure until the menopause hits

I am scared about financial stuff as well, things I cannot change at the moment, I have no pension and cant afford one anytime soon. I feel I am unemployable, other than a little part time job I have, I have been at home raising my 3 DC for ten years. I also worry we might lose the NHS at some point...again I could never afford private healthcare.

I have terrible social anxiety and cant imagine ever having a "proper" full time job ... I cant cope in work situations, prior to the DC I just job hopped from leaving school used to last 6 - 12 months at best as just could never cope with work and office politics. I know its a cliche but I never fitted in. I recently did an online test someone linked to on FB and it says I may be autistic to some degree and that has scared me as well....as I just want to be "normal" and fear I am not.

I am basically just scared all the time and my mind is always racing even when I am having a conversation with , well, anyone really...Also I don't feel like an "adult" a lot of the time I feel like I am still 17 years old who has woken up in a "grown up" body, I know that sounds crazy...

I honestly feel nuts writing all this down...and sorry if its long and rambling. I guess I am just looking to see if anyone has ever felt the same / feels the same and how you got through it. I cant imagine how tablets would help either :( I am ruining my own life because actually I have it pretty good (good marriage, healthy DC, mortgage, good friends)

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 03/05/2017 11:20

Print this out and go back to your GP as soon as you can. You sound like you would benefit from cognitive behaviour therapy, and maybe anti depressants.
Hang on in there. I know it seems impossible now, but you will come out the other side. But dont suffer in silence or alone. Flowers

NoSandPlease · 03/05/2017 11:21

I would try medication asap. I was very anxious for years and had numerous therapies (CBT, counselling, NLP etc). I was anti-medication until I experienced PND and took an SSRI. Within a few weeks my anxiety improved so much! A cloud lifted. The obsessive thoughts stopped. I felt like a new person. I can only assume my years of crippling anxiety were caused by a chemical imbalance eg imbalanced serotonin/dopamine levels.

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

BooRadley35 · 03/05/2017 11:25

My DP has recently been diagnosed with anxiety. It started when he had a health scare. He tried anti-depressants but they made the anxiety worse so he decided to discontinue taking them. However they do help a lot of people so it may be worth trying them. He is currently seeing a psychologist and she recommended this book on health anxiety which may help www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1845298241/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21 . Good luck and go back to your GP. There is a wide range of resources out there. Try the HeadSpace App

Iloverichtea · 03/05/2017 11:26

Feel for you OP - I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and what you've described here sounds lots like me. Google and have a read of the symptoms - but worrying excessively over so many things really sounds like it.

It's a crippling condition but there is help out there for you. I used to berate myself for not being able to cope with things I deemed everyone else could cope with - but it is an illness and not your fault.

For me, cognitive behavioural therapy worked combines with medication, I take 30mg citalopram every day. I'm also currently doing acceptance and commitment therapy which I think will work for me.

Definitely go back to your GP and be brutally honest about your feelings, I know it's hard but it's so important. Good luck Flowers

Sonders · 03/05/2017 11:41

Definitely go see your GP, there's no shame in medicating because you are sick.

I have a couple of techniques that can be helpful, but first thing to remember is that you are ill, and that's ok. People get ill sometimes and unfortunately it's just a shitty thing you have to live with for now.

On a practical level, the most successful technique I use involves grounding yourself. When anxiety (and depression) take hold, it's a very internal process that detaches you from reality - so it's very important to bring yourself back to the environment you're in.

If you're feeling particularly anxious or have a panic attack coming on, first thing to do is to remove yourself from wherever you are and change the scenery - that could be going outside, switching to a new room or pulling over and getting out of a car.

Try separating it from yourself, like it's a different body to you that you can't control (because you can't). Say to your anxiety "ok, you have your moment of worry/panic for now, but in a minute I need to get back to work/chores/watching TV so let's just get through this".

Then focus on your breathing, making sure you're breathing out more than you breath in (this could be breathing in for 3 seconds and out for 4, each person is different so find what works for you).

Then we're going to do something pretty lame but it helps, believe me! In your head or out loud, count 5 things you can see and describe them to yourself - e.g. I can see the blue sky but there's a cloud over there, maybe it'll rain which means I don't need to water the garden later. There's a brown park bench, I always think they look nicer in green...

Then 4 things you can touch (e.g. I can feel my jumper, it is soft and warm - I can feel the brick wall, it is rough and cold)

Then 3 things you can hear (e.g. I can hear magpies, god those birds are dicks)

Then 2 things you can smell (e.g. I can smell freshly cut grass, damn that's one of the best things in the word, or I can smell that man's vape cloud and it reminds me a parma violets)

Then 1 thing you can taste (e.g. is that garlic? I swear I haven't had garlic since last week!).

Repeat until your breathing is back to normal and you feel the adrenalin rush has gone :)

I do this every time and rarely get past the hearing stage because it really helps bring you back to reality. This is only a short term fix but having the tools at your disposal kinda train you into realising the anxiety is another illness that you have to treat - not a personal quality (that is really shitty).

And finally, you're not 'normal'. Nobody is 'normal'. Trying to be something that doesn't exist will drive anyone mad!

We all have different things that we're better at, different things that we love and different things that we have to cope with. You have anxiety, it's shit, and you have to find a way to manage it.

I don't know if that's helpful or not, but I know where you're coming from and just wanted to let you know how I cope :)

PissOffAnxiety · 03/05/2017 17:05

Just a quick thank you for replying Flowers

Will come back properly later x

OP posts:
JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 17:15

I don't have much advice, I have this too. I've had severe anxiety since my teens and at the moment it's giving me some problems. I hope you feel better soon OP, it's really nasty.

I'm constantly scared I'm dying, or seriously ill. I can't stop thinking about it. How I'm going to leave my poor DS and DP. But I don't want to tell my doctors because the mental health services here aren't any good.

PissOffAnxiety · 03/05/2017 17:51

But I don't want to tell my doctors because the mental health services here aren't any good

That's like our area. Mental health services everywhere have been cut to the bare bones. I felt like I didn't want to "bother" my GP because of that and also because I feel I am not "properly" ill :(

OP posts:
trappedinsuburbia · 03/05/2017 17:56

OP - would you consider hypnotherapy?
I've had CBT/medication in the past and honestly hypnotherapy helped me loads more.

JustAKitten · 03/05/2017 18:21

Piss I feel similar, I also find my GP doesn't understand

PissOffAnxiety · 04/05/2017 09:37

I would consider hypnotherapy Trapped ...I am glad it worked for you. What was it like? Do they literally "put you under" ?

Justakitten It does seem to be common! Overstretched GP's with neither the time or the inclination to understand when there are "real " ill people needing help too.

OP posts:
trappedinsuburbia · 04/05/2017 14:29

OP, I don't really know how to describe it.
You are mega relaxed but aware of what's going on, I think I dozed off at one point but sort of woke up again and could see lovely swirly colours in front of my eyes and still hear the hypnotherapist talking to me.
I am quite a skeptical person but honestly I left feeling fantastic.
I think I was only being 'hypnotised' for about 30 mins.

SylviaPoe · 04/05/2017 14:37

Hi OP. I think you have both anxiety and low mood - the feeling like a 17 year old and like you can't hold down a job for example.

I have had very similar feelings to you, and after many years being opposed to anti depressants/anti anxiety medication, I asked for it. I tried one SSRI that made me much worse, and then another one that made me much, much better. This enabled me to resolve some of my problems, which in turn reduced my anxiety further.

You should definitely go back to your GP. They deal with stuff like this all the time.

defnotadomesticgoddess · 04/05/2017 14:48

Sorry you're not feeling well. You're not nuts you deserve to get some help with this and your GP's job is to help/refer you whatever you need.

Re medication, I realised only recently that for some people medication is needed so that you can actually engage with CBT (or whatever therapy you are offered).

It's good that you're recognising it and thinking about getting help. You'll feel so much better for doing this and tackling it.

Good luck x

PissOffAnxiety · 05/05/2017 09:33

Trapped that sounds amazing...seriously did you feel better in just one session? I would definitely be up for trying it

Re anti depressants I have been on Sertraline on and off for about 13 years for mild depression. I was on them For about 2 years solid after having my youngest then I came off them just before xmas as I had a medication review and was feeling better. TBH though I am not sure they helped I just felt a bit numb and they killed my sex drive which I absolutely don't want as I am deffo happier and less anxious when DH and I are having regular good sex its motivating myself to do it

Thanks everyone and also extra thanks to Sonders for the post re the techniques that help you x

OP posts:
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