Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or would this annoy you?

37 replies

Ferrisday · 03/05/2017 10:30

I think my mum's being a bit insensitive here.
My sister got a new job yesterday, she hasn't been working for a while, but she's been helping family, pick ups from school, looking after Older family etc.
My mum volunteered her to look after my dog so me and my son could go on holiday with her and my dad. Hmm
Now she'll be working so won't be able to do it, so I just told my mum I won't be able to go. No problem.
Mum just spoke to sister and said Ferris just said who's going to look after the dog and who's going to pick up from school.
I could hear my sister's silence on the other end of the phone!
This is made worst because I haven't even congratulated my sister on new job yet. She got told yesterday and I knew she was coming here today.
I just feel really bad for my sis.
She's trying to get her life back on track, she's had a few ups and downs recently.

I think my mum is becoming more and more insensitive, she's really upset me over the last couple of days about my ds, thinking she knows better me, whilst being amazing helpful with other things. I really don't know how to tackle this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ferrisday · 03/05/2017 11:15

TBH I'm not particularly fussed about the holiday. And it's probably to do with my mums behaviour.

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 03/05/2017 11:18

Er, we do have a proper adult relationship

Deal directly with each other, don't involve your mum at all and that includes alking to her about each other and your dog sitting arrangements

purplecollar · 03/05/2017 11:19

My dsis would know it was my dm stirring. I would call her/text her though to ensure she did.

Lweji · 03/05/2017 11:22

What was the conversation like with your sister?

You should decide on a common strategy to deal with your mother.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 03/05/2017 11:32

I just left message and text
She's just text back saying
"I know! X x "
I'm sure she would understand that im not really worried about dog arrangements, we laughed and eyerolled about my mum volunteering her, obviously I made sure she was ok with it and she knows I'm not fussed about going.
We need to figure out the bigger picture.
It's also complicated because mums health isn't great, she worries all the time too. About all of us. And other stuff.

OP posts:
Monkeyface26 · 03/05/2017 11:36

OP - your post is clearly about your mum. You have not made any complaints about your sister and seem very clear about your own responsibilities.

My mum is a bit like yours. She can be incredibly helpful but she is also bossy and inflexible. She enjoys organising things and loves making arrangements. She does not love having those arrangements altered even if they have very little to do with her. Your sister's job has messed with her holiday arrangements & your mum is being a little manipulative to see whether she can perhaps still have her own way.

I'm sure your sister knows what she is like really. If you think your sister may have taken your mum's representation of you at face value, it just needs a text from you to say "whatever mum might say, I am so pleased for you about your job. I can sort something else out about the dog/holiday. It's not important. Your new job is important. Let's have wine/cake etc...soon"
We all get more inflexible as we get older and some people seem to find it increasingly hard to see things from others point of view. It does seem as though you and your sister have an adult relationship but perhaps your mum struggles with having less control over you all now that you are adults.

You need to very polite but very clear with your mum.

Monkeyface26 · 03/05/2017 11:37

Cross post with you OP. Glad you and your sister can eye roll together. It gets me & my dsis through!

Lweji · 03/05/2017 11:49

she worries all the time too. About all of us. And other stuff.

I know how that is. :)
And being controlling at the same time...

If you both know how she is and you talk with each other, you just ride it and keep on going.

It looks like your sister gets less upset about your mum than you do.

You did mention her comments about your DS on your OP. Why has she upset you?

Horsemad · 03/05/2017 11:56

It's your mum you need to be having a chat with; tell her to butt out and stop volunteering your sister for stuff.

Original poster
Ferrisday · 03/05/2017 11:57

Ds is very complicated and sometimes her (supposedly) helpful comments make me feel crap

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/05/2017 13:26

If it helps, my mother has been "very worried" about DS since we moved back to our country. His eyesight, his interests, his hearing, his you name it.
Just ignore her.
Or ask her what she'd do, listen, then ignore.

HappyFlappy · 03/05/2017 14:22

"Worrying" can be a form very controlling behaviour, even if the worrier isn't conscious of their motivation.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page