To not want a heavy smoker near my newborn?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I've got a 3 week old baby, DM us coming to visit to meet him. Her partner is a heavy smoker and always reeks of cigarettes.

AIBU to ask DM not to bring her partner when she visits?

Baby spent two weeks in hospital with breathing problems so I am extra paranoid.

DM's partner is someone I've only met a few times so it's not as though he is extended family to me.

Yanbu at all. Could you just say in light of her breathing issues the hospital / paediatrician have advised you that you must not in any circumstances let her near smoking visitors or second hand smoke? Make it that you are simply following instructions?

I like this idea. There's no need to cause unnecessary hurt, especially if they're generally good people whom you get along with.

Say sensitively that the doctors have advised that because of her breathing problems,
if any smokers visit, they need to...blah blah.

jojo that's absolute bollocks, it's been well known for many years that third hand smoke IS dangerous to children and can cause learning problems in children as well as the more well-known lung issues. Don't be so fucking obtuse.

Wow AHedge

Jojo is entitled to give her opinion just as you are. Although she delivered hers with more class than your latest post.

I asked the heavy smokers (my dad, in-laws and a family friend). I asked them to bring a clean top to change into, they all did it when they visited. We didn't go to my in laws house - it's literally like walking into a chimney, my dad smokes outside at home but he does chain smoke in the car, hence asking him to change his top before holding DS when he would visit. Your baby, your rules.

As per PP, our son was prem so people seemed a bit more understanding re our concerns (although no doubt it was bitched about)

YANBU
what munchey mummy says

Thanks for all the advice - fortunately DM is not bringing her partner with her so we've dodged the issue for now! They don't live together so don't need to worry about DM being contaminated.

They don't visit often so hopefully won't have to contend with the issue again until baby is much older

As a smoker, I wouldn't be at all offended if you said, 'we'd love for you to come over, but the doctors have said that even lingering smoke could be dangerous, so we'd need you to shower and change clothes since your last cigarette beforehand.'

He could always vape that day if the addiction makes it hard to go a whole day without.