AIBU....can't let go

[WoopWoop200]

I posted before about my neighbour being abusive after my DH asked neighbours wife to clean up after their dog. As a result, I got so upset and stressed that I had to go to the hospital for baby to be monitored. I was 30 weeks pregnant at the time.

It just keeps playing over and over in my mind. I can't stop being angry at them. I want to ruin them. It's been nearly 6 weeks and I just can't let it go. There is so much I want to say.

I think part of it is that it took us 3 years to get pregnant. We've been terrified the worst will happen.its only recently that I've let myself enjoy the pregnancy.

I feel like they have hurt my unborn baby and terrified my DS who is 6.

Is this normal in pregnancy? AIBU? Have I lost my marbles?

Sounds like you might be fixating a bit, possibly a bit anxious? If you don't feel like you're reacting normally I'd talk to your GP. Antenatal depression does happen.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope you're feeling better now, it will probably just be hormones.

I remember when I was about 25 weeks pregnant some fucking cunt idiot cut me up on a round about! I beeped and then a couple of minutes down the road she slammed her breaks on for no reason, doing about 50mph! Nearly went into the back of her and someone nearly went into the back of me!!
I've never been so angry in my life!! I flew out my car to confront her but when I got to her window she sped off!

Try to let it go, the stress of you going over it again and again won't be healthy for either of you! X

I think you're turning an unpleasant situation into a massive mountain of stress, cortisol and adrenaline.

I read your previous thread. Neighbour is a cunt. You won't change them, you won't get through to either, you can't ruin them (how?).

You have far better things to fill your head with.

And agree with above ^ re: a visit to the GP.

With respect, you post a lot about other people's impact on you. Their behaviour, your 'need' to take them to task, their responses etc.

Maybe you need to think about moving to a quieter place where you can enjoy some peace instead of getting upset by the issues that come with living in flats (like noisy neighbours, people behaving Selfishly etc). Or find a way become less invested in these people, ignore them and try to relax more. Let the smaller things slide.

Maybe, irrespective of any of that you would benefit from some counselling to help with the current state of anxiety because that certainly isn't healthy for you in the long term.

I think yu have issues way beyond your neighbours. This isn't judging, but suggesting that you need professional help as opposed to MN'ers telling you that you're right to be so upset that it puts your baby in harms' way.

Congratualitions and I hope you get the help you need.

YABU because your stress affects your unborn as well as everyone else in your home (not to mention yourself!).

I always think of this: would everyone feel this angry or would some people manage it differently?

If some people would manage it differently then I tell myself it's humanly possible and I need to find out how, so I can do it too.

Being angry is like holding acid, it mostly destroys whoever is holding it.

Is it ok for people to refuse to pick up dog poo from the street? No.
Is your neighbour right to be horrible when their rightly confronted? No.
Can you do anything about it? No.

So you have a choice: stays angry and make yourself ill or find a coping mechanising to get over it.

The life that's full of "aughts" and "should'" and "cant's" is a life what will feel uncomfortable, and the life that doesn't have lots of "aughts" and "should'" and "cant's" is a life that shrugs and says "oh well, not my preference, but hey ho!" And is a life that is much more pleasant to live.

Hope you can find a way to feel better about living in peace when you're surrounded by idiots out there

Yes I agree with Trainer - it's not normal, even in pregnancy and I suggest you seek help. I remember similar feelings when in was depressed many years ago - I didn't know I was depressed because I didn't feel sad (which naively I thought depression was all about) - I was just upset and angry and - like you - would fixate about fairly trivial incidents. Eventually I was diagnosed by a wonderful GP who I went to because I was having problems sleeping (too busy lying awake churning over perceived injustices) and was cured within 6 months.

I think you need help for your anxiety

Thabk you for the replies.
I understand that this reaction is not normal. I do plan to speak to my midwife at my next appointment.
I don't usually hold on to things like this and keep going over things. I had PND after DC1 but it wasn't like this.
I suppose i am just reaching out to other mums to understand what this is. Has something similar happened to others during pregnancy? Or is it just me being UR? It's so hard to think straight

It's happening because for some reason or other, you're being very unreasonable.

I was emotional before and after pregnancy. A combination of tiredness and hormones but when it becomes unmanageable, you need help. Good luck! That's meant entirely genuinely and no kind of sarcasm or dismissal.

In my last pregnancy (not this one though) I felt a lot more angry than usual. I felt a strong protective instinct over my children and unborn baby and had several arguments with people that I would never normally have. I think the difference between how I was and how you feel is that I didn't hang onto those feeling. I had the argument and moved on, maybe occasionally thought of what a knob they had been, but that was it.

Anxiety is not you being unreasonable. It happens to people whether male, female, pregnant or infertile. It seems like this manifested for you long before this pregnancy.

Muddy dog paw prints in a communal hallway (it wasn't dog shit if I recall) really isn't enough of a reason for most people to become so distressed they end up in hospital. It suggests you would benefit from counselling and proper support. Can you phone the midwife or GP today? Did the hospital say anything about your anxiety levels?

Just to clarify. Yes I was fed up of the dog being used to annoy us and cleaning it up. What upset me and stressed me out were the 2 people shouting and name calling and throwing accusations at me. They were so aggressive police had to get involved. So it wasn't just getting upset over the mess. It's the confrontation.

I will ring the docs tomorrow morning to go in and discuss this. I am trying really hard to be positive and let this go. DH has said that we can sit down and talk about it when we get home and see what we can do together.

Thank you for the advice all

I think my point is: choose your battles. You've had a lot of battles with neighbours that you've posted about.

And great news about your DP. Could you ring the doc today?

I have an exam today otherwise I would. But I am off tomorrow so can ring first thing in the morning.

I had these levels of anxiety and fixation on ds2. It was hell. It got worse with the sleep deprivation but by 13 weeks was much better. Hes 9 months now and I would say it is 99% back to normal. I wish I had spoken to someone about it though, it ruined alot of the pregnancy and newborn stage for me. All the best x

Good luck with the exam!