AIBU to want a baby?

[grassisgreener38]

I want a baby. I thought we both would by now. DH isn't fussed, although he says he wants a family someday. We are both early 30s. We're not using contraception (haven't been for 1.5 years) but he won't DTD very often (feels used, pressured, says that all I want is a baby) so no chance of getting pregnant. I don't know how to break the cycle of resentment, lack of understanding and hardly any sex. Have you been through this and how did you eventually persuade your DP to want kids and actually do something about it? Everyone I know is having babies and I just feel like jumping off a bridge. I love him but I wonder how much longer to give it before cutting my losses and leaving him because the resentment is only going to get worse and I would rather leave with my sanity and dignity intact. Is it really too much to ask to want to have a baby?

Is this something you discussed before getting married? If so, what was his stance then?
Personally I would want to know why he didn't want kids. Is he worried about money? Maybe he feels there are things he wants to do first?
If there is no reason then a frank discussion is needed. You want a baby he doesn't. For most people this is a deal breaker and sounds like it is to you.

Hi there.
You are NBU to want a baby, but you WBU to have a baby with a man who clearly doesn't want one. By very rarely DTD he is doing everything he can in his power to not conceive a child with you.

Cut your losses, but don't latch onto just anyone for a baby.

I had to give my dh an ultimatum. If he didn't want to ttc then I'd leave. He knew I was serious and that helped him to make a decision. Not sure if that would work with your DP.

I defintey don't think it's unreasonable for you to want to start a family. It doesn't seem healthy though for your DH to be avoiding sex for fear that you will 'trick him' and get pregnant.
You really would need to sit down and tell him exactly how you feel, both of you need to be up front with your plans/wishes and then make the decision together whether to go your separate ways if unfortunately what you want is too different or to actually focus together on creating a family.

Lucky he has always said he wants a family just not now... so his stance hasn't changed

Yanbu to want a baby, you would be unreasonable to coerce/guilt someone into fatherhood. I'm sure you don't really want to have to do that. From what I've seen it never ends well.

That being said his wishy washy 'wants a family someday' has to stop. Even though you haven't been trying fully you have been trying and there is no telling how long conceiving could take. He needs to appreciate that this is a potential deal breaker so he needs to give you firmer timelines. I'd have more respect if he was honest and said he didn't want kids rather than string you along, of course that could be unfair and he genuinely believes this and thinks he has all the time in the world.

So frank discussions needed and some soul searching for you

MrsG it's not that he thinks I will trick him he knows we're not using contraception.

Tell him you need a time frame. .
Stats are saying more and more of us are leaving ttc til it's too late. . .
Be prepared for it being a def no if you push him but better to know than still be asking in ten years time. . . When it will be def too late.

Move on if you no longer want the same things.

ASAP.

Has he suggested using any form of contraception? Maybe if you could both agree a time frame for starting a family together that would be a good starting point since it is something he has said he wants in the future. You both would have to compromise. You could use some form of non hormonal contraception in the mean time then. Not that sex is the most important part of a relationship but I do think it is an important part.

Use contraceptives again to reduce conception pressures on you both and allow time for intimacy as a couple. Once tensions are reduced have a proper conversation about the why's and the when's. No whether now isn't the right time but why now isn't the right time? Not now isn't but when might be better? What are his worries? Fatherhood is a major commitment and you might be delighted he takes his responsibility seriously in the longer term

He doesn't want a family. You have your answer because actions speak louder than words. I'd cut my losses. I did, in fact, I got divorced when I was 30 for this very reason.

Yep ask him for a timescale. If he doesn't want to try by the deadline he gives then leave. There's still time for you to meet someone else to have children with but you don't have years and years to play with.

I'm not sure how you got to this point - did you decide to come off contraception together? We did, and then had a baby. I wouldn't have decided that on my own.

Agree with Crumbs

If he really doesn't want to have kids, he shouldn't feel like he has to. If he says he isn't fussed and the answer is probably no altogether. Actions speak louder than words.

He has every right to say no a child just as you have every right to wish for one. Pressuring someone into parenthood is wrong as are threats to leave if you get your own way. No chid should be unwanted or born just to appease another.

Leave by all mean If you feel he won't change his mind in future but the no sex us very telling as he didn't feel comfortable with no contraception.