To just keep everything light and airy?

[FluffyEwok]

Hello
I've noticed that I've got nice friends but I've always been on the periphery of groups ie never asked to be bridesmaid or never number 1 choice for anything. That's fine with me but from now on I've decided not to get too involved with things and just be light and airy. Not necessarily flaky but just happy with keeping things a little superficial to save myself the hurt that comes with always being on the edge. Anyone else like this?

Yes I kind of did this. It ended up with me effectively being booted out of the group because I wasn't up for doing everything they wanted to and had opinions of my own. I kept in vague touch with some but I wasn't included again. Guess it depends how important it is for you to remain friends with them. They may end up dropping you completely.

I'm not going to stop doing things with them I'm just not going to get over invested with things. Id rather just be light and airy without getting bogged down

When DD was at school she was always last to be included and on the outside of every group unless she was being useful and providing lifts or place to stay. In her late teens she decided to adopt a 'cool' and not always available approach.

She is now 25 with no friends except her sister. Plenty of acquaintances but no one that wants to include her in nights out etc.

She is a terrific girl with a great personality and a sharp wit and very funny. But because she wasn't prepared to be walked over she now find herself with no one to go out with has never had a relationship and in many ways gets very depressed about her situation.

I as her mother worry greatly that life is passing her by.🤔

Yes!

I have 3 different groups of friends - school (as in my school friends), work and mum (DS friends mum's) friends, there are 6/7/8 of us in each group.

I'm never in the core group of 3/4.

So for example, the school mum friends, I was good enough to contribute to a 40th birthday gift from "all the gang" and go for coffee in the morning after school drop-off, but I wasn't part of the 4 who went for afternoon tea then cocktails, I found out about that on Facebook.

Now I just waft in and out of each group, and I go along to events if and when I'm invited only if it suits me.

Why did you do it unicorn?

Good idea Sheldon that's going to be me from now on

Maverick sorry about your dd xx

Of course it's fine if you're happy with it but maybe your happiness depends on you being on the periphery of multiple groups because you're hedging your bets.
In which case it's a matter of being light and airy but not too airy that you float off!

I just think I'd be happier knowing my place and not bothering with in-depth friendships as my effort is never reciprocated

I'm a bit similar but have decided to use it to my advantage - I go along if it suits, I organise gatherings if it's something I want to do & I don't get upset (at least not too much) if things happen & I'm not invited. It has taken a while to not get bothered by stuff & actually as time has progressed I feel I'm more in than out, but I'm still aware of 'my place' & don't get over invested.

I hear yous! This is me at the minute....I've always had best friends and been included until a few years ago and now I am the 'second best friend' always now.
Its hard because we have a 'condition' within our family which we would expect alot of support but it seems it's went the other way and we are now there when people have no-one else.
Sorry just the way I feel although I'm normally quite positive but hey...I can speak the truth on here..no one knows me.

This is why I tend not to get involved in groups.

I hang out with people one on one generally. I feel much more comfortable like that. Whenever there are groups of people, there is very often gossip or people who feel left out. I just can't be arsed with that sort of thing, so I tend to keep things one to one.

Light and airy sounds good.

I lost my best friend last year and am at a loss. It was fine being part of a larger crowd, because we had each other even though we all seemed to be equal friends iyswim, but now I dont' really have the heart or the impetus to make much of an effort.

At work I'm the boss, so while very cordial, I have to keep things very superficial and don't 'hang' with anyone.

Thank goodness for my lovely DH. And my one good sister who is far away but always close in my heart

I know how to spell don't, really I do! FFS. Spellcheck!!!!

I'm a bit like this. Haven't had a 'best friend' since I was in primary school. Always in the 'popular group' () in high school, but felt like I was on the periphery there, too.

I think I'm just a bit of a loner.

It's so difficult making new friends/having the same friendship as those you have known for ages or grown up with. Maybe start a new hobby, something that interests you...then you have a valid reason for not attending events you don't want to and also chance of meeting others who do share your interests.

I felt like you do now, with a group of friends at university ( we'd been close since high school)... result of taking step back led to ostracism... I just became comfortable doing things alone...not having a single group of friends, it ended up being the best thing for me to meet new people and experience things the group would never have wanted to do!

just happy with keeping things a little superficial to save myself the hurt that comes with always being on the edge.

If you're on the edge, it's either because you choose to be (like me) or have been placed there by the group - in which case they are not really your friends. The number of close relationships you have in life is limited, and there will be inevitable disappointments as people let you down, but that's just what people do! If you can't take a risk that's fair enough, but be aware that activel avoiding to invest will also deprive you of a great deal of happiness.

Go for the low risk option by all means, but just don't expect it to be emotionally rewarding.