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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let my daughter play at her friends house anymore?

6 replies

Bigblug · 01/05/2017 20:13

My daughter is 7, and loves going out and going over to her best friends from schools house. Today they went to a theme park as a treat while I was at work. I'm very good friends with her mum, I love her to bits. But her eldest is a teenager and a bully. She's going through a hard time at the moment and bullies her sister all the time. Today they had to leave after two hours because she was so vile, and it escalated into physical violence. There's been a series of events that's leading me to not want my daughter going over at all. The teen isn't violent towards my daughter, but can be mean sometimes. She constantly ruins days out even when I'm there, but she can't be left on her own. She's at that awkward stage anyway, and I've tried to be understanding, but where's the line? My friend is afraid to discipline her as she will destroy stuff if she doesn't get her own way. The house is always a state. There's loads of history but I don't want to divulge too much incase it's outing. My friend has her own mental health issues but it's always the excuse as to why she can't stand up to her or tidy the house, and I help as much as I can by tidying and offering childcare but my offers are often met with polite 'No it's okay'. Social services are involved as she doesn't go to school, but I dont think my friend is entirely truthful with them. I'm worried about my daughter's friend, as I dread to think what goes on behind closed doors, but I feel I have to protect my daughter too. I don't really know what to do other than stopping my daughter going over:(

OP posts:
Iloveanimals · 01/05/2017 20:38

Tricky. If it helps I wouldn't send her, but I would have the child over mine instead?? I'd tell the mum that it would be helping her by keeping the child away from her bully sister. Doesn't cause offence that way.

NancyDonahue · 01/05/2017 20:41

I agree with pp, I would have the friend over to yours. I wouldn't want my dd going into a situation like that.

Trb17 · 01/05/2017 20:44

I'd definitely stop her going there. I would offer for your DD's friend to come to yours though. It may well give her the space she needs from her bullying sister.

I would not put my DD in a family dynamic like that if I knew about it.

anonymoosy · 01/05/2017 20:47

How does your daughter feel about it?

Bigblug · 01/05/2017 20:54

I often do have her over to play. But because were friends mum will stay too, and gets bombarded with calls from teen demanding she gets home so they rarely stay longer than an hour. I don't feel like I can say 'Just dd friend today' because I know my friend can get quite lonely (recently divorced due to teens behavior) and she needs my friendship as much as her daughter needs my daughter's.

Dd doesn't like it at all and I think today was the final straw for her too. Although 7 year olds are forgiving and on the next invite I'm sure she'd be desperate to go over again.

OP posts:
anonymoosy · 01/05/2017 21:07

Do you know the other mum well enough to just explain it to her? If she knows her older DC can be unreasonable then maybe she will understand, if you tell her it's 'temporary' that her young DD comes to you for now.

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