Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be dying for some personal space?

28 replies

malificent7 · 01/05/2017 16:35

Dd, 8 is lovely and i do want to spend time with her but when we are together i dont want the following behaviours:
I dont want to be followed round the house being adked questions. I wang to go to the loo in peace.

I dont want her clambering all over me.
I dont want her wiping her sticky fingers on my clothes.
I dont want her going in mh handbag and fishing stuff out.
I dont want her going in my make up vag.
When im lying in bed at the weekend i wang to read mh book without her jumoing on me ir nagging ne.

Am i normal?
I find it very hard as when i ask her to stop she refuses or says i dont want to spend time with her.

This is not true but i do feel she should learn ghat if someone disnt wang to be touched etc you shoumd respect their wishes.
I

OP posts:

Original poster

malificent7 · 01/05/2017 16:36

Typis! Wang! Want even... im so desperate i can hardly focus.

OP posts:

Jengnr · 01/05/2017 16:38

YANBU but I suspect it'll be a while before she agrees.

Although I'm slightly by your make up vag [grin[

Jengnr · 01/05/2017 16:38

Fucking smiley fail.

ProudBadMum · 01/05/2017 16:38

I have a soon to be 8 year old boy and he's the same. He a moody shadow.

I tell him to move away etc if I don't want him near and explain he wouldn't like it if I did that to him

I was on the loo and he came upstairs with a glass to get a drink of water. There's a tap in the kitchen and another toilet downstairs

He needs to be near me all the time. He's also quite moody and argumentive

TwitterQueen1 · 01/05/2017 16:39

But that's what children do. And this behaviour is telling me that you're not giving here the attention she wants and needs. If she's doing this constantly could you try more time with her - maybe structured or just sitting watching a film together.

And then you can say something like "right, I'm going to read my book for an hour or so now."

kittybiscuits · 01/05/2017 16:40

I'm the same with my vag, OP

neonrainbow · 01/05/2017 16:40

She's way too old to be behaving like that.

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 01/05/2017 16:40

I have the same problem but with my 20 month old... My almost 8 year old like my company but also likes to play with friends, play on her own, read, watch TV etc. By 8 you should definitely be getting some personal space, so no, YANBU. Can you start encouraging her to do things alone? Maybe set her a task like draw be picture of something and colour it in? Read 2 chapters of a book? That sort of thing until she gets more used to it and it becomes habit?

Dafspunk · 01/05/2017 16:41

It sounds like she wants to be you - can you get her her own versions of your things, e.g. her own (pretend) make-up bag, her own book for when you're reading a book, etc?

DeadGood · 01/05/2017 16:41

"But that's what children do."

Doesn't mean the OP has to like it.

TheNewSchmoo · 01/05/2017 16:41

I want a make up vag

kittybiscuits · 01/05/2017 16:44

You can get them for tuppence ha'penny Schmoo

Marmalade85 · 01/05/2017 16:50

Her behaviour is very toddler like OP. Surely she should have stopped climbing all over you by now?

Nonibaloni · 01/05/2017 16:54

I have said before that I don't know why we bought a 3bed when most of the time I can reach out and touch all the breathing things that live here.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 01/05/2017 16:56

She is far too old for that sort of behaviour.

DoItTooJulia · 01/05/2017 17:03

I think it sounds like she needs some boundaries, but also some proper time with you. So like a Pp said, a cuddle or whatever together and with her getting your undivided attention and then you get some space. You may have to set her up with something to do (a book to read, a movie to watch, Lego/whatever toys she's into) first.

You're going to have to teach her and this will take time and patience and you may have to start small. So a 20 minute cuddle, 10 minutes on her own to begin with a build from there.

TBH though-is tackle the toilet thing separately-she is old enough to not follow you in there and to know it's a private place.

You need to talk to her. Sideways talking often helps, so while you're doing something together, say some colouring in or baking, so it's not a heavy face to face conversation if you see what I mean? And keep it light. Don't bang on about it, just tell her that you think she getting older and bigger and needs to give mum some time on her own sometimes. Let her know it's not going to be all the time and stress that you love spending time with her and doing g stuff with her, but at her age following you to the loo isn't ok anymore. Now pass me the eggs will you. Type of thing.

Good luck

annandale · 01/05/2017 17:11

Noni

I dont want to be followed round the house being adked questions - this sounds normal tbh
I want to go to the loo in peace - so say I'm going to the loo and won't answer for ten minutes, then lock the door and don't answer her if she talks to you.

I dont want her clambering all over me - does she do this all the time? really? I would schedule some cuddle time as others suggest then some non-cuddle time.

I dont want her wiping her sticky fingers on my clothes - this sounds a bit odd. Why are her fingers sticky? You would be OK to teach her to wash her hands before touching other people's stuff, but sometimes surely it's OK for kids to look through their parents' clothes and things? Do you mean while you are wearing them?

I dont want her going in my handbag and fishing stuff out/ I dont want her going in my make up bag - so get a zip up bag and teach her to ask you before she opens a zip - but I'm not surprised she wants to play with your bag and makeup tbh, if she asks, maybe try and let her sometimes.

When im lying in bed at the weekend i wang to read my book without her jumoing on me ir nagging me - this sounds normal again, she is a bit young not to come and see you when you are around and still a bit young to give you as much reading time as you want.

I'd agree with others that you sound a bit disconnected. Try to move towards her and give her more closeness and attention, while setting some of the boundaries you need.

Tinkerbec · 01/05/2017 17:22

I agree that she is too old.
My 8 year old may climb over me now and then but it is rarer and rarer.

She doesn't follow me around though . She likes her own space and often shuts the bedroom door.

I think annadale has some great advice.

Not unreasonable to want some space to yourself but there's a happy medium there somewhere.

Spongesecret008 · 01/05/2017 18:07

My ds is 8 and does not like having to occupy himself but at age 8 he has learned to do so while I am busy. He has hfa so it has been difficult but we have got there. He will play games on the computer for a while or watch nicktoons. He also now plays with his toys which he would never do alone when he was younger. This year I am working on getting him to play in the garden by himself for short periods of time. I love being with him but there are times I need to do things and it is so much better for both of us if he can occupy himself.

My DS had to learn how to be happy playing on his own it didn't come naturally to him. I do understand how you are feeling. I would hate it if my DS was still like that.

spacefrog35 · 01/05/2017 18:10

Make up vag

/misses the point entirely

Love51 · 01/05/2017 18:24

Is she an only or are there others to contend with? The list is quite long, I'd try to narrow it down.
My kids don't go in my handbag, that would piss me off. It had never been an issue, but it's been modelled by their dad.
I let mine play with my earrings while I'm doing makeup. They link them together but have never caused any damage. Depends if that would bug you tho.
Lying in bed of a morning, reading. Can she read ok? Get her to bring a book, cuddle up and read together! Although I've spent a good chunk of the past 2 days reading a Roald Dahl classic out loud, so haven't progressed my own book. At least it wasn't rainbow fairies 🌈 .

LedaP · 01/05/2017 18:28

I only have 2 kids so not extensive experience but that strikes me as a bit odd for an 8 year old. She should know and underst6ots not ok to go through other peoples things. And climbing all over you?

My 6 year old doesnt do that and knows he is not allowed near my make up vag

theclick · 01/05/2017 18:28

My nephew does this. He does have separation anxiety, though. But he always eats and then wants to hug/touch me/rub my back (his way of showing affection), with his dirty hands. I don't have the heart to say no.

HomityBabbityPie · 01/05/2017 18:29

Oh god, my 13 mo is like this but I expected that of him, please someone tell me I don't have seven more years of this?!?!

tinyterrors · 02/05/2017 09:17

That would drive me mad, I love my dcs but I'm an introvert that needs space too. At 8 she's definitely old enough to understand that adults want personal space too and it can't always be about what she wants. My dcs have never been allowed to go through my clothes, my wardrobe and drawers are private (and usually have presents hidden in them) and have always been a no go area for the kids.

The going in your bag thing needs to be stopped. Firmly tell her every time she goes in your bag that it's yours and she isn't allowed in it. My dcs have never been allowed to go in my bag, I have my purse and bank cards in there and it'd be a nightmare if they got lost. When my dd started wanting to play with my bag I bought her a cheap one and put a purse in with some old clubcard type cards in and some old keys from my dad. It kept her away from mine as she had one.

Mine stopped climbing all over me at about 4 for the most part. They still have plenty of hugs but not literally climbing all over me. I started by gently moving them off saying "you're getting too big to climb on Mummy" and I'd sit them next to me for a hug instead.

You need to slowly but consistently set up new boundaries for your dd. If you've never told her not to go in your bag/climb all over you/wipe her hands in your clothes etc then she won't know she shouldn't be doing it. Start small and work up. Whichever thing on your list annoys you the most then start there and be consistent. Tell her you're going to the toilet and don't want an audience and to stay downstairs, if she follows and talks at you then ignore her, hard as it is, and when you go back downstairs ask her what she wanted to tell you.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread