to not want a friendship with this woman?

[missmalteaser]

I have recently moved to a city 100s of miles away from friends and family for a great new job. Am trying to make new friends and feeling nervous went to test out my local pub on my own. Got speaking to a woman there who explained she has just moved back after some time in another city and to cut a long story short I gave her my number and she text next day to meet for a drink. I have met her three more times now and NOT ONCE has she asked me any questions about myself, what brings me here, how i'm finding it, how the new job is going. She just talks a constant 'woe is me' monologue about her life, often repeating the same stories and information. I find myself saying 'oh yes, you told me that last time'. She literally knows nothing about me. After each time she has then text saying what a great night and I am left thinking 'were we at the same night??' I've turned down three requests in a row now and am worried i'm being too harsh but isn't life too short for these kind of draining people?

I'm afraid I'd cut her off. She sounds like she'll suck the happiness out of you. Are there any clubs you could join-running, WI, something where you'd meet multiple people?

you hardly know her so yes, turn her down. she does sound intense.

am sure you'll find likeminded people soon

good luck.

Can't stand people like that. They drain you and exhaust you.That's why she is the pub on her own, I guess. (The bar staff can't run away but you can...)

God, some of those weird, self-centred people will even try to engage you in conversation (aka a tedious monologue) on a train or indeed anywhere. They are usually obsessive and feel the compulsion to tell you their life stories.

Do not punish yourself by meeting her, ever again.

That's why she is in the pub...

Oh dear me, no.

It may be a nervous trait, as some people will constantly talk about themselves when they are nervous even though you'd think they would say nothing. Maybe give her one last chance and start off the conversation by talking about yourself.

3 strikes rule I think

So glad it's not me being mean. How do I respond to future messages? (Already had 2 today to go out for bank holiday drinks). I will see her in local pub at some point no doubt so don't want to cause any tension, but don't want to keep coming up with excuses either.

She has given the ghastly woman more chances than she deserves. The OP is not a mute object to be talked at. Grrrr

Nervous trait, my foot. It is grabbing a captive "audience" and boring her to tears.

You can't stay friends with her. She'll draw you into her needy little world. Nor can you explicitly tell her why you don't want to be friends with her. I suggest telling her that you are super busy with your new job and won't have time for anything social for the next few weeks. Then don't respond to messages.

I second joining a running club, the WI or similar. You'll soon meet kindred spirits. Good luck.

I am just so flummoxed that there isn't a brain chip with some people where they don't think 'gosh i've been talking for ages and the other person hasn't said anything. I'd better pause'. Just returning basic questions I feel is the absolute minimum of conversational manners. How does this pass some people by??