Quick Ainu

[foursthescore]

I am upset and don't know if I have a right to be.

The other day my grandmother gave me a nail polish. I put it in my jeans pocket.

Later my dh was loading the washing machine, including my jeans. I asked him if he'd checked all the pockets of all clothes and he promised me, twice, that he had.

When the wash was done I went to empty it. Nail polish over everything. 2 tops, 2 pairs of jeans, a sweater I've had since I was 15, and a whole school uniform of ds. All covered in nail polish and destroyed.

Dh is very sheepish and I'm livid, both with him and me as I know I should have taken the nail, polish out of my pocket straightaway.

Who is bu ?

It was a mistake. It happens. No point being livid.

Leaving it in your pocket was daft but hindsight is a great thing isn't it!

Yabu. It was just as likely to leak while in your pocket and you could have checked.

He was being unreasonable by lying to you, twice. Why did he lie?

Shit happens, it's done now, no point ranting and raving at each other. Yes, it's frustrating, but let it go. And maybe always keep make up in a cosmetic purse in your bag.

Ah well that's just life. By the way when I saw your title I immediately remembered Murakami's weird book about sheep spirits that was based in northern Hokkaido. The pre-Japanese people who lived there were called Ainu

Why did you ask him twice?

Why didn't you check your own pockets?

Being livid at him doesn't absolve you of responsibility.

Accidents happen, it's not worth falling out over. You will probably start emptying your own pockets now before putting them in the wash basket, he will start checking pockets before washing them. Lesson learnt.

It's an annoying thing to happen.

But you're both to blame.

You knew you had nail polish in your pocket and didn't take it out. Had you put the jeans in a dirty laundry basket for washing?

DH didn't check pockets as thoroughly as was needed.

(I wouldn't assume he's lying about having checked - I always check pockets before putting things in the washing machine, and things still slip through occasionally)

Where were the jeans?

Were they in the washing basket?

Or did he pick them up and decide to wash them?

You are both to blame but that would tilt the balance for me.

I dont agree that it was partly your fault at all, you asked, it would have caused an argument to not trust him and say well I don't believe you let me check!

I'd be telling him we 're going shopping for new jeans and tops!!

He's not a child, so yes I would be annoyed!

His fault- especially as he either lied or didn't check properly. He should replace the ruined clothing and not out of family money.

It's just one of those things. You were both unreasonable, you both made a mistake.

No one needs to be blamed. Just move on.

Argh, jeans pockets are the pockets of doom.

If you put your jeans in the washing basket - YABU.

If you didn't and he was going round the house picking up clothes to be put in the washing then he IBU.

However, since you knew the jeans were going in the washing machine, you should have retrieved the nail polish or told dh exactly what was in the pocket.

He was in the wrong for lying to you twice.

He needs to pay for replacements.

Unless you will never make a mistake while in this relationship, I'd let it go. Accidents happen. You should have taken nail varnish out before putting them in the basket.

This will be a funny story for your family one day! Let it go.

If you put the jeans in the wash basket without checking the pockets, YABU.

If he picked them up from elsewhere to put in the wash, HIBU.

But, it's just one of those things. Yes, it's annoying but everybody makes silly mistakes at some point.

If you out your jeans In the washing basket without checking the pockets then it's your fault. The fact you checked twice with him either means you don't trust your partner to do the washing, which is weird, or you knew it was in there and wanted an excuse to blame him for not checking. We have a rule in this house, we will do infinite loads of washing but you check your own pockets.

Both to blame.

I prefer to do all the washing myself. I don't think OH has ever used the machine. I check all pockets