To think 8-10 year old should be able to eat at a table without covering the floor?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Spent a bit of time with children of this age recently. Every single time, the table, floor and chairs are covered in bits of food. In one case the child's fave is also covered in food. Foods that aren't particularly difficult to eat (chips, pizza, chocolate, all eaten with hands)

My children aren't this old yet so I don't know if it's usual. Surely not?

I have a strong gag reflex when I see food being chewed with open mouths, or spit flying, or bits of food falling out of mouths etc. so I taught my children to eat nicely with their mouths closed and minimum noise. DS2 is still a bit of a "hand eater" at 4, but he's getting better with fork or spoon, and can use a knife but doesn't really like to (he's mostly lazy). DS1 at 9 is completely table-trained. Neither of them scatter food over the floor or the table, although they do sometimes get a bit on their faces (mostly ice cream). They don't like to be dirty themselves - they ask for paper towels if they get mucky.

At my senior school, one girl on my table at lunchtime had never been taught to eat with her mouth closed - it was disgusting being on the same table as her, I had to turn my back on her so I didn't gag. And she never improved, right up until the end of school (so aged 17). Gross.

We have all meals together at the table. It's a running joke that my nine year old always manages to get more on her face and on the table than she does in her mouth. She is just one of those kids who always looks and makes a mess.

Several children eating together promotes excitement and more mess. Eating separately the same kids leave no mess. Your 2 year old won't stay 2 forever, best not to judge.

themonkey I don't mean any offence. These children are family members, and don't have any special needs. I was surprised at the mess and a bit annoyed as I keep having to clean it up.

It seems opinion is divided on whether it's normal.

My dd is almost 9. I'm chronically ill and it's much easier for me to cut up the food than to get her to do it. She doesn't make a mess this way as she's not good with a knife. If they're wiping their hands on the furniture, that's possibly down to parents, who haven't told them not to.... many times. Kids are messy.

My 6 year old makes a mess all over the place. He's eaten at the table for most meals in his life. It does look like he could be dyslexic and is generally less coordinated than his 4 yo DB and always has been. I'm not sure if this is a factor, but it's certainly not purely about a lack of family meals, lack of role modelling or prompting on how to eat nicely.

When using his hands, he'll grab it in his fist and shove it at his face rather than using a couple of fingers. Attempts at using a knife and fork result in him getting frustrated and knocking food everywhere. He struggles with adult cutlery, but hates using the metal child sized cutlery as he's not a baby.

It's frustrating for all of us. I don't want to nag incessantly about something which he may have limited control over. The mess is certainly frustrating for continual clean up. The rest of his manners are good.

mytwo yes I thought that after I posted, I know he's likely to change. I don't have much experience of older children.

No i know you didn't.

But people cant always tell DD has so she gets tutted at.

My messy one actually ate nicely at 2. All her concentration was on the meal. At 8, as a previous poster said of her ds, her brain is everywhere and she's thinking 100miles an hour and doesn't seem to know what her body is always doing.

My 8 year old DD would be spotless, any mess wiped on napkin. My 10 year old DS eats like he was brought up by wolves and just brought back to civilization Mind you we have a dog - she loves sitting near his chair at dinner time!

You should see the mess on the floor at the end of lunchtime at our local middle school. The 9 - 12 year olds leave more mess than the children in the toddler room at nursery.

I bet most of them can eat without dropping anything on the floor at home.

Not normal, but also not necessarily the sign of a badly brought up child. My dd is 14 and pretty meticulous in her appearance, but spreads food when she eats so that it looks like a 2 year old sat at her place. She doesn't get it on her face, but it goes all over the table and floor and her clothes. It's certainly not from the lack of table manners reminders and good examples at home. I am hoping she will outgrow it.

In my experience primary age are the worst offenders. The little ones are at home with someone who is constantly teaching them table manners and they are very focused on the food. Then, if they go to a school where lunchtime is a scrum, it all goes to pot. They are more interested in their peers and the conversation. The ones I know who have been to schools where table manners are reinforced have done the best. They mostly all seem to come out the other side in secondary unless there's additional needs/chaotic home etc.

I think if you allow children to eat with their hands after about 3 (except things like sandwiches) then it is going to result in poor table manners. Children should be able to use a knife and fork by the time they start school and should be eating with cutlery at meal times.
It does seem to me we have much lower expectations of children now than 15 - 20 years ago. How primary teachers cope with children who can't put their own clothes on (including tights or ties), who can't manage their own packed lunch and who can't take themselves to the lavatory I can't imagine. They are sainted in my opinion. Don't even begin to think about children at primary in nappies unless they have a marked learning disability.
If children make a mess whilst eating they should clear it up.

Yes my ten year old does and gets tutted at when we eat anywhere. He has coordination difficulties though most wouldn't realise to look at him. I sometimes think in my head I should just tip it straight on the floor to begin with. It's incredibly frustrating to live with too 😉

They vary massively with their fine motor skills. One of mine still struggles with a knife and fork at that age. It's mortifying. But knowing her, I know that it took her a long time to write, thread beads, do shoelaces. She has friends who can do it perfectly. And others who can't/won't.

I have always insisted she use a knife and fork. But it's like relentless criticism when you're still saying it 7 years later. It doesn't help that at school virtually nobody uses a knife.

I'd say it's normal for some kids that age to make no mess and normal for others to make a bit of mess. It will depend on a lot of things - motor skills (which will vary regardless of sn, upbringing - some parents will be more relaxed about mess while others will be poised with a cloth and some children do not like the feel of food on their hands/faces so will eat in a neater way (this can bring it's own problems though). I would always clean the the and have a quick hoover underneath after meals anyway so unless children were being silly and deliberately throwing food it's not something that would bother me.

My 10 year old with sn drops food everywhere, stuffs it in his mouth and gets it all over himself. Until recently he couldn't use cutlery either.

You might not always know if a child has SN.

DS has dyspraxia (and dyslexia )and makes a mess with his food. He tried so hard but is just really awkward with the cutlery, bits fall of the plate. He doesn't get the fork cleanly into his mouth getting food on his mouth etc. My 2 other dc have no probs at all and would surpass your judgey expectations.

Only my parents and sibling know about his SN. I haven't told people because I feel that's his personal information to choose to share or not when he's older. He's a clever articulate boy you would never guess he had SN unless you closely looked at his writing etc.

Unfortunately because of people like you making comments like this he now will not eat in front of other people. Ever. The GP is keeping an eye on things as it's borderline eating disorder and he's losing weight.

Just concentrate on your own kids ffs.

Sorry that was very defensive.

But he genuinely had learnt to hate himself and feel that he is disgusting because of thoughtless comments.

If your child eats in a way you are happy with maybe just don't worry about other people's children. I picked up a tone of distaste in your post about the children you are talking about and they won't miss it either. Even if they just haven't been taught table manners it's not their fault and they don't need to be made to feel that they disgust you,

User dd1 has dyspraxia too and at 11 is becoming aware of the mess she makes. She honestly can't help it. for yo

Dd2 aged 7 eats perfectly, family member said to dd1 once - your little sister eats better than you.

Thanks twofalls. And four you and your dd too... it's not easy is it.

user I'm sorry that you and dc have had that experience. The children in question don't have any special needs. I admit I don't like mess, and I don't like seeing people with food on their faces, I don't find photos of babies covered in chocolate/bolognaise cute. Nowhere though did I say that I'd said anything to the children. The parents didn't say anything, so neither did I, because I didn't know if it was usual. Hence my posting here.