AIBU to feel torn?

[catsatonthemat]

I am a self employed SAHM. What I mean is, I have been self employed for 7 years, but the last few years I have just worked around the kids, barely earning any money and more doing it for a bit of mental stimulation. Someone has approached me about a part time role 22.5 hours a week, totally different to what I've been doing in my SE role and obviously different to being a SAHM.

It is an exciting opportunity but I am torn. I have been a SAHM for almost 6 years now and my DS2 doesn't start school until 2018. So I would be sacrificing that last year with them. DS1 is in school and I value our tired post school time in the afternoons and I worry we won't adjust very well to me not being there 3 days a week.

It makes me feel sad that I will be in the position of coming home when the kids only have 1 hour or so before they go to bed and it makes me feel sad the idea of dropping them off with childcare. I know that it doesn't make me a bad mum, but it does make me feel terribly guilty. How do you cope with it?

DH thinks I should just wait one more year and I do agree. Its just this opportunity is good money and I do feel my options of employment will be limited to lower paid roles if I try and meet the whole term time only job role so I can be with the kids during the holidays.

I feel so emotional about it so I thought maybe I should just let it pass and other opportunities will come along. But then it is a really appealing role. Plus nearly six years of essentially one income is taking its toll and I feel like I should be contributing financially. My DH doesn't care either way. By that I mean he has said it is my decision and he is happy either way though kids should be a priority.

Arghhhh sorry its more of a rant really.

" So I would be sacrificing that last year with them."

I think that's a bit over dramatic! You're not sacrificing a year with your child. You're not going to live on the moon! It's 22.5 hours a week! You don't have to feel guilty you know - your child will be fine.

In your position, I would jump at the opportunity. What on earth is making you feel guilty? Not to be unpleasant, but your language suggests you're moving abroad indefinitely without your children, not taking a 22 hour a week job!

I would take it as good pt contracts are so hard to find and you might find that when your youngest starts school next year, you can't find what you want or end up stuck in a role you don't enjoy. Three days a week is a really good balance and you'll still have two week days with your youngest to enjoy.

also, if you don't enjoy it, you can always quit and revert back to what you did before.

I get it. I went back part time the year before my youngest started school and felt exactly the same. The reality is though that if you have been out of work for a while interesting opportunities won't come along very often. I loved being back at work once I got into a new routine, great earning money but more importantly building up my career again. Whatever decision you make though, make it without guilt, your children will adapt

Hahaha I can always rely on mners for a good reality check. You are right it's only 22 hours.

I have three primary age DC and work 18.5 hours a week and it's great. I have a really good work life balance - good mental simulation but lots of time with the kids.

I was a SAHM when my DC were little and got this job when the youngest started reception, so I do understand what you mean about it being a year too early for you. But it's not easy to find a part time job that is interesting and pays well. Think ahead - this job sounds perfect for a year's time, and you could be kicking yourself for years if you don't grab this opportunity!

What are the hours? Are they flexible? E.g. Instead of doing 3 days f-t, could you do 5 days at 10-2.30 so you could be be home when they finish school? If they want you enough that they've approached you, I'd have thought they'd be willing to discuss at least.

I do 20 hours in 3 full school days (9-3)plus a half day. You'll get more than an hour a day with them.

Honestly? I am very thankful I didn't work when they were younger as I can see how much time I'd be missing out on. However part time jobs round the children are hard to get and it took me nearly a year to get one, so I'd say go for it, particularly if they'll allow you to be a bit flexible so you can nip out for assemblies etc.

also, if you don't enjoy it, you can always quit and revert back to what you did before.

I think that's the best advice ^^

People will always tell you, 'Your child will be fine', but no-one here (not even you) could possibly know that.

Of course many kids are fine, but for many more, well there's nothing the parents can do if they aren't, because they have to get out to earn a living.

You seem to be in a position to at least give this a go, and test the waters.

You are really blowing this out of proportion. It's only 22 hours.