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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

bullying, school refusal

34 replies

sfw121006 · 29/04/2017 17:58

following bullying my daughter is refusing to go to school, we have been told we have to get her there every day, so we push her in after a lot off stress and upset for us all, she is loosing her trust in me and comes out every day just as up set which makes the next morning even worse, the school tell my they are working with her but she seems to spend some of the day in isolation which is the schools punishment, They are now telling me she has anxiety and we have to go to gp, she wasn't upset before she was bullied!!! I see lots of pupils going to school and feel isolated myself, would help to find another family going through the same!!!!

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2017 17:38

That is a great update.

Could she do any outside things to help with calm or make her feel empowered? I do taekwando, it I'd great.my friend does Pilates. Of course we are middle aged women and probably not great at it! Hope she finds ways to manage anxiety.

I had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) for mine almost 20 years ago and it went without any medication etc. I would not rule out anything that may help.

Thinking of you both.

Original poster

sfw121006 · 03/05/2017 11:10

My daughter went in better yesterday they have a lady working with her, they are not forcing her into lessons and letting her chose the lessons she feels comfortable to attend, she spent lunch time with a friend who is willing to help her gain her confidence, they stayed in a room together, she was happy last night, she is aloud to go in later so she went in better today, had to walk her in but she is improving.
I'm very proud of her and as long as the bullies leave her alone I believe she will feel better in school, thank you all for your messages, I myself had a really hard time all the way through school so I know how she feels cant really help with home learning because I have to work and I'm concerned this wont help her socialize! moving schools isn't really an option because she has managed to make a couple of friends, so to go back to no friends! thank you for all your messages

OP posts:

Original poster

sfw121006 · 03/05/2017 12:25

don't know how to PM

OP posts:

Morphene · 03/05/2017 12:36

swf that#s a really positive update - I hope it continues to go in a positive upward cycle.

I wanted to note that there is not really anything more important than your child's mental health. It is more important than their education, and is actually more important than your work. Certainly in the sense that if things escalate and your DD becomes unable to go to school you will have to stop working anyway. If things do get worse rather than continuing to get better, taking a few days off to let her build strength and resiliance, and also to prove to her how important her mental health is, would be a sound investment for the future.

Realitea · 03/05/2017 13:00

I was in your dd's position when I was in year 6. It was pure hell. What made it worse was that I was dragged there and no one listened to me. I was scared, I wasn't being difficult. In the end, a social worker dragged me there kicking and screaming. Finally once I went to secondary school it was like a fresh start. But I always remember how no one listened and my anxiety was awful, I still have it now. (Although not as bad usually!)
Talk with the gp with her there. Let her talk and make sure the gp is understanding. There should be much better support for you and your dd nowadays. Give her some time away from school because of the anxiety and let her do work from home. Consider changing schools too.

Realitea · 03/05/2017 13:01

Just saw your most recent post OP, sorry! Sounds like things are looking up

Original poster

sfw121006 · 03/05/2017 13:45

Thank you op, my daughter happiness is way more important than work morphene and at the moment we are working as a team with the school, the main reason I cant home educated is because I'm not a teacher so wouldn't know where to start, I'm self employed so not so easy to take time off!

I'm hoping the plan we are working on at the moment works they are not forcing her into lesson they let her choice and she can go to a safe place at lunch time. I get cross that the bullies carry on learning as normal and there parents have no clue of what they have done to my daughter confidents and well being.

OP posts:

Astro55 · 03/05/2017 13:56

To PM - click the theee dots - bottom right of a post - (so click on my post to message me) then click the pm message button

Italiangreyhound · 03/05/2017 16:14

OP the lates update is great. School seem to be working hard to make your dd feel OK about being at school.

It is wrong the bullies carry on as normal! And that their parents do not know!

I really hope all will be OK for the future for DD.

Re - how to PM.....three dots for PM appear on my phone but on my home PC the option to Message poster appears along the top, there is a blue line, it conatains the person's name (on the left of the screen as you look at it), then the date time etc, and right side it has three options...

Add message | Report | Message poster

Click Message poster

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