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Original poster

Friend's ex offering to take her children on holiday

59 replies

WorryLessCherishEveryDay · 29/04/2017 17:43

My friend has 3 kids with her ex husband. They were together 15 years, he is a brilliant dad, has the kids every other weekend from picking up at school friday to dropping at school monday and the weekend they aren't together he has them for tea twice a week, so definitely a hands on dad. He also takes them on holiday twice a year (uk at easter and abroad in summer)

Friend has 8 year old twins with someone else. The dad of the twins died 5 years ago and friend has brought them up alone.

They are at an age now where they are fully aware of the holidays that their half siblings are going on.

Friend and her ex get on well. She is pregnant again (dad is around). She is due in September and ex has offered to take the twins abroad (Spain) with his 3 children, his wife and their daughter. They'll be going for 2 weeks in August.

Friend has thought it over and has said yes, why not. It will give her a break for 2 weeks when she's heavily pregnant. She hasn't got pay a penny for them.

The grandparents of the twins from their dads side is saying absolutely no way and are threatening to call the police and report him as abducting them if he takes them.

Would you be happy for your children to go abroad for 2 weeks with the father of your other children?

OP posts:
Cubtrouble · 29/04/2017 18:30

Totally agree what a lovely thing for the ex and his wife to do. Clearly the ex and the wife had discussed and are both happy.

It's a total shame more families don't do this under the right circumstances.

I hope it all happens the the twins have a lovely time and no one gets in the way of things.

nuttyknitter · 29/04/2017 18:34

What a lovely story! So refreshing to hear a situation where separated parents have a constructive relationship.

ScarlettFreestone · 29/04/2017 18:35

Nothing to do with the Grandparents- why are they so against this holiday? Is there more history?

It's very kind of the ex and his wife and no different than going away with friends.

Mother needs to make sure that ex has a letter of permission. Grandparents need to be kept unaware of travel information (days time etc)

Italiangreyhound · 29/04/2017 18:37

Yes I would.

Emphasise · 29/04/2017 18:39

I can understand why GF is uneasy about it, it is a pretty unusual offer and presumably he doesn't know ex and what he does know is intended context of the man who was his son's "rival", who now seems to be taking hia son's place.

It all seems lovely and if mother is happy then of course they should go, but perhaps some effort could be made to put gf's mind at rest?

Yukbuck · 29/04/2017 18:40

What a lovely gesture. I bet the twins are thrilled 😊

SofiaAmes · 29/04/2017 18:43

Those kids are so lucky to have all those caring parents in their lives. Back when I got along with exh, we used to take his kids from 2 previous relationships on holiday with our kids and once even took an exwife along too! In our case the kids didn't all live together. In your friend's situation, the children all live together. Is it possible that the grandparents are just missing their son and sad to see someone who could be taking his place in their grandkids' eyes. Perhaps there is some way to get them more involved with ALL the kids.

emmyrose2000 · 30/04/2017 01:25

If only more blended families could get on like this! I have heard of this happening amongst other families, so I don't think it's all that unusual TBH.

What the hell is the grandparents' problem though?! If someone threatened to call the police when I was doing nothing wrong, then they'd automatically be cut out of my life. Granddad's completely unwarranted threats would backfire on him in this case as he wouldn't be seeing the kids again until they were 18 and legally old enough to make their own contact if they chose too. However, I would make it abundantly clear to my kids when they got older what grandad had threatened to do.

lalalalyra · 30/04/2017 01:30

In this circumstance I don't think it's any different (except better) to a friend taking the kids away.

She should give him a letter giving permission. If she feels the grandparents are likely to cause actual trouble then a letter to them might be an idea.

TBH I'd be telling the grandparents the wrong date for the trip if there is the slightest chance they'll create. I don't tell my ex the exact dates DH's SIL (sister of his late first wife) is taking our twins away because he's likely to create drama just because he can (he doesn't have or want pr, nor bothers with them unles it's to make him look good before I get shouted it!).

Trifleorbust · 30/04/2017 05:58

I think that is absolutely lovely and the grandparents are twats.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/04/2017 06:16

Unusual but lovely.

Mombie2016 · 30/04/2017 06:25

In a similar situation here. My eldest two are with ExDP. 1YO is ExHs but he's not around because he's a twat. ExDP has already offered to take 1YO for a weekend once a month if Im okay with it because our DC have been asking if 1YO can go soon. ExDP constantly turns up with bits and bobs for 1YO, spends time playing with him and they have a good bond, his face lights up when ExDP arrives to pick up/drop off siblings or FaceTimes. Most people think it's weird he's offered but as ExDP said - 1YO is the sibling of his DC, a big part of their life and it's only natural they'd want him to come along to Dads sometimes.

1YO doesn't sleep through yet so until he does or at least sleeps longer than 4 hour stretches I won't let anyone have him!

Mombie2016 · 30/04/2017 06:27

So bollocks to the Grandparents, they're causing a fuss over fuck all and I'd like to the think the police would only respond to a kidnap accusation from someone who has residency/PR of a child not some ridiculous Grandparents.

SiouxieQ · 30/04/2017 06:31

Yes, my ex takes our DS together and my DS with my current DP on days out and trips away regularly. He's very generous and treats my second DS as one of the family.
The GP's are deluded if they think they have any day in it! Let them call the police and get a ticking off for wasting police time.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/04/2017 06:32

Of course I would. My cousin has two boys. She separated from the oldest's Dad when he was under 2. (She's married to the youngest Dad who is great with both). Her Ex is a great Dad to his DS and a fabulous, sort of Uncle, to the youngest. The eldest is now at Uni, but he still takes the youngest out & has him some weekends.

I think her ex & his wife are being lovely

Tell her to tell the Grandparents to crack on. They'll soon get it when the police tell them not to be so ridiculous.

She'd do well to remind them that SHE is the parent & THEY get to see them because she allows it. End of.

Nessie71 · 30/04/2017 06:38

Think its a lovely thing to do....

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 30/04/2017 06:40

Jeez, my DD 9's going on a residential trip with school in summer. I know the staff going a whole lot less well than your friend knows her ex, but she's still going. The twins' GPs could do with a grip. Hmm

troodiedoo · 30/04/2017 06:53

I don't think this is that unusual. How nice that the siblings can holiday together. And mean of the grandparents to deny them.

I would suggest letting the airline company know the situation. And prepping the twins to say when asked who they are travelling with. "Our brothers/sisters and their dad".

My dd always used to get asked this as she looks nothing like me and has a different surname. Took us a while to figure out the correct answer. Was also told bringing her birth certificate would help, although that obviously won't in this case.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/04/2017 07:04

Is it definitely that they just don't want their siblings' father taking them away, or do they have another objection? Not liking where they're going, for example?

FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2017 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WannaBe · 30/04/2017 07:34

The only reason it's unusual IMO is because there is such an expectation that because people are ex's this status should be surrounded in some kind of bitterness... there's no need for it to be.

If it was an uncle, a friend etc nobody would bat an eyelid.

The OP and this man were separated years ago. He has maintained a relationship with his children, and now he has offered to take the children's siblings on holiday with them. There is nothing wrong with that, and TBH I would be considering cutting contact with the grandparents who felt that it was their right to be quite that controlling.

Nanna50 · 30/04/2017 07:37

We all know the grandparents don't actually have a say. I suppose they may feel that the twins are going out of the country with two strangers. Their concerns may be real to them. How much time does the ex spend with the twins and how well do the twins know the exes wife? How old are the older siblings?

And on that note round of applause to the woman taking an extra 2 kids on holiday on top of 3 step children and one of her own. Smile

louisejxxx · 30/04/2017 07:41

He sounds like the dream ex! As a pp said, I would get her to give him a signed letter with her consent. Aunts/uncles sometimes take their neices/nephews on holiday without the parents....I don't really see how it's any different to that!

KC225 · 30/04/2017 08:09

A really nice gesture for all the kids to holiday together.

Rossigigi · 30/04/2017 09:21

If only all xdp were this considerate. What a locket thoughtful gesture, I can't see what the problem is?

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