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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relationship drama at work.....

29 replies

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 17:05

Not really a a.i.b.u but posting for traffic here. I attended a colleagues wedding last week. Roughly with 15 or so fellow collegues. Two female co workers came out to a couple of other co.workers. and said they had been together 8 weeks. Obviously it for round at the party........ . They still kept it hush hush in work but the info trickled into senior management. They were asked and admitted. No big deal, didn't seem to concern management and they certainly didn't judge. But at the same time they needed to know. Anyhoo the two ladies made it social media official same night. Now a week later they are confronting all the people who attended said party. Wanting to know who told on them. Both ladies are in late 30s early 40s but are going around quite aggressively towards people demanding to know the truth. I am next on the hit list. (Have been off on annual leave so far) I did not tell management as why would I? Bit did mention it to someone else. I mean it is normal when office relationships start up for it to be hot gods for a day or two........ so I'm just wondering how to answer when I get approached. I can be quite out spoken and smart arsed. Don't want for it to get arsey/argumentative. A.i.b.u for telling them to piss off? It's the way they are doing people thag has my back up........ the way I look at it it's out now..... what's the big deal?

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Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 17:06

Hot goss not gods! Smile

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Pitbull · 29/04/2017 17:13

They are not the police to interrogate you. Though you can tell them the truth that you didn't mention their secret to anyone, but don't let them push further and intimidate you.
Anyway, why does it matter now? And what did they expect? If 15 of their colleagues know a hush hush thing, sooner or later at least one of them will grass. They should have kept it secret, the silly cows.

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2017 17:21

So they put it on social media on the night of the party?

Are relationships forbidden in your workplace? If not, why are they bothered about the management knowing, when they've effectively told the world on social media?

Asmoto · 29/04/2017 17:27

How do you know you are next on their hit list? If you've been on A/L, things might have died down a bit by the time you return.

If asked, I would just respond calmly "I don't involve myself in workplace gossip" and leave it at that.

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 17:28

They put the status up the night after the meeting in work. They are very pushy and probably won't leave it at one question. That's when I might feel like saying something silly/cheeky back!

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Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 17:29

A close colleague texted me........ they've asked everyone else..... so I'm only guessing I'm next!

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Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 17:32

Relationships aren't banned..... so no worries that end. Honestly don't understand why they are getting themselves worked up.

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Pitbull · 29/04/2017 17:41

What is the point of all this questioning when everybody will deny they grassed anyway.
Oh, are they going to use a lie detector too? Grin
Silly drama over nothing. Just like schoolkids.

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 18:07

Exactly pitbull. I feel extremely anxious and a little bit guilty as I did tell someone (not management!) Like I'm in frigging school! I feel like maybe they are enjoying the drama? They are as thick as thieves when working together to the point were other people feel uncomfortable. I think now they are out things will only get worse

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WonkoTheSane42 · 29/04/2017 18:11

If intra-office relationships aren't against the rules, why did management even talk to them about it?

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 18:18

Not entirely sure...... maybe because staff have mentioned in the past that they are quite cliquely there's a little group of 4 woman and other staff have felt a little left out when they are all working together. So maybe it has something to do with that. Just guessing. They haven't been moved to different departments or anything. And there's rumours they plan to move in together..... so looms like it's more than a fling.

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Nocabbageinmyeye · 29/04/2017 18:21

Sounds to me like they thought there would be more drama surrounding the outing of their relationship or that they would get to tell people themselves, neither has happened and so its an anti climax and they want to create the drama, don't give it to them by being smart, be flippant "who cares" with them

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 18:23

'Who cares' .... I love that..... was also thinking about saying something like.. ... "ah well it's all out in the open now, surely that makes it easier for you both?"

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NormaSmuff · 29/04/2017 18:24

I agree it will have died down when you get back from annual leave, otherwise deny everything, tell them its their business

Goingtobeawesome · 29/04/2017 18:37

Why does management need to know and why admitted? It not a crimeConfused.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/04/2017 18:44

I'd either tell them to piss off or say "I didn't tell management, but what did you think would happen when you told people at the wedding then posted it on FB? You should have realized it would get back to them. You know there are no secrets in the work place". Technically a true statement since you didn't tell management.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/04/2017 18:50

are you sure that the colleague isn't setting you up?

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 18:53

Across the pond. Great response. Boneybackjefferson...... god I hope not. I feel so paranoid and it isn't my business

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Hisnamesblaine · 30/04/2017 16:15

Sooooooo. I went back to work today...... definitely received the cold shoulder from one of the ladys in question. Wasnt asked anything. But felt freezes out of conversations etc. Very awkward. Not sure what to do next. Feel guilty........... But not sure why

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BoneyBackJefferson · 30/04/2017 16:28

Sorry but it sounds like someone has set you up.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 30/04/2017 16:33

Carry on regardless. Do not allow yourself to be frozen out. Fight for position. That way if she has a problem with you she will have to say it out loud or back down. Don't allow yourself to be successfully bullied.

Hisnamesblaine · 30/04/2017 18:04

If she would ask I would of course deny...... maybe admit I did tell some people but not malicliousy or management. Im actually happy for them....... but the way are going round things is childish and spiteful.

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Hisnamesblaine · 05/05/2017 09:32

Quick update guys. Well I am being blamed for carrying the story. Interestingly the other people being blamed they contacted via text and asked. I haven't been approached so I haven't been.able to deny it/stand up for myself. I feel extremely unhappy and there is a air of tension when i see them. Sooooll moving forward so I contact them directly to deny involvment. Or just leave it. I'm really.angry I'm getting the blame and I think they are attention seeking and pathetic....but for a quiet life at work I do feel I should say something then it's up to them how to process it. All of this is making me dread going ino work everyday. Please advise guys x

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RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/05/2017 11:22

Yes, at this point I think it might be wise to message them to say you've noticed an atmosphere and you've heard rumours that you object to their relationship and have been gossip mongering. You don't know if they have heard such malicious rumours about you, obviously they haven't spoke to you about it directly, but you feel you need to let them know that you are happy for them, wish them good fortune and you have not been whispering against them. If anything when they came out that night, you said to colleagues how happy you were for them. All the best blah blah blah.

Hisnamesblaine · 05/05/2017 11:35

Yes runrabbit. Nicely worded. It's the atmosphere that's awful. Unfortunately things like this have happe mend in the workplace before and relations never fully recovered. I'm livid I'm involved to be honest. I've got my own crap going on at home TTC health concerns of family members and trying to move house....... I honestly don't need this in the workplace as well.

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