to want to tell my childless friend to finally listen to her biological clock?

[emkana]

My friend will be 35 this year. After a disastrous relationship which lasted over 10 years she's now been with a new bloke since September and things are going very very well.

I know that my friend wants children, but at the moment she's not showing any sense of urgency. It really worries me, I think she thinks that when she wants it to happen it will happen easy-peasy, but I keep thinking what if she'll have trouble to conceive... esp. as I know that in the past she has been very relaxed about contraception and she never had a pregnancy scare.

I keep thinking should I sit her down and spell it out to her? Or leave her alone?

I worry that she'll end up childless and be devastated and then I'll curse myself for not making her see...

I agree with Fio. Chances are she already knows that 35 can be a bit of a trigger age, and might not need to be reminded of it. It was certainly rarely out of my mind when I turned 35, but it wasn't something that I talked much about.

I never even wanted children but now I get the urge to tell all my childless friends to get a move on.

But I never do, because I suspect it just adds to the stress that they feel about the whole situation already.

I would leave her alone. If she really wanted kids, she would have managed it by now, I think.

But it's her biological clock, not yours. She has to make up her own mind!

I agree with fio

Yes leave well alone I'm afraid.

I have a friend who is 33, married for 4 years. She does want kids but not now.....

I too want to warn her, to tell her to do it now. She has high flying job and earns good money. Now is not teh right time she says.

Not our place to interfere.

I agree with Fio - I know why it frustrates you and you have her best interests at heart being her friend and all but it really has nothing to do with you emkana You won't be telling her anything she doesn't already know, surely?

Just being nosey but as everyone I know is expecting me to be pg thought I'd put in my tuppenceworth (hope you don't mind me butting in!)

Maybe your friend does want them and has spent some time trying with no luck....she may not want to admit it.

I have been trying overall for nearly seven years (I am 35 and had a stillbirth 21 months ago ) and I have had lots of comments and looks over the years to tell me to 'get on with it'.

I wish I could.

I guess what I am trying to say is...that sometimes there are things that we don't even tell our close friends....so best to be on the safe side I reckon.

I agree, no need to say anything, am sure she already knows and I would have been really miffed if a friend had felt the need to point the same thing out to me before I became pregnant. Deciding to have children is such a personal thing and who knows her partner's feelings on the subject?

Coggy so sorry for your loss. I was thinking same thing though, had a friend at work who was mid 30's, been married for 10 years, and was inundated with people saying "ooh, dont you want kids then?" etc. They had been going through three cycles of IVF after years of unsuccessful trying, unbeknown to most people. Good news though, they now have TWINS! . Coggy, really hope you get some good news soon.

Only if she addresses the topic with you. Besides if she doesn't want to see, then there is no way that you can make her see...

Yes that is def I thought a good friend of mine had her first at 32 - they tried for 10 years to get pregnant the first time and another 4 or so to get pregnant the 2nd time. Unexplained infertility, had various treatments and were on the waiting list to adopt when it happened! Leave well alone IMHO

coggy, wishing you all the luck in the world.

I am pretty sure that she hasn't tried as we talk about everything really. But who knows.

Will follow your advice and not say anything and just feel a bit frustrated, having my fingers firmly crossed that she will have children one day!

Sorry to hijack emkana....just feeling a bit raw as my first try of assisted conception failed today.

Lovely to hear the other success stories though thank you.

(Crash over! )

Emkana, it's virtually impossible to reach the age of 35 in this culture without being bombarded with the message that no way will you be able to conceive, your eggs are past it, you've got no chance, yada yada yada. Speaking as someone who was 35 and very sad about not having children and having no prospect of having them.

Message withdrawn

yes,dont tell her she knows

Agree, leave well alone. I'd have been furious if any of my friends had taken it upon themselves to tell me my time was running out. (In fact, I was astonished when I told MIL I was pregnant, and she cried because she was so happy and had apparently been thinking we didn't want children - bless her, she'd never breathed a word.)

And in any case, she may well think 'soddit', take a risk on the assumption that she's far too old to get up the duff on account of everyone telling her she must be past it, and find herself staring at a positive pregnancy test two weeks' later. Like I did, on my 37th birthday.

Her life and all that....

Sodding rogue apostrophe