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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by people who don't let their children learn they can't have their own way all the time?

26 replies

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 12/03/2007 14:50

little girl at ds' preschool, could be described as a little madam, cannot bear to not be the centre of attention, if two children are playing and she's not part of their game she will run to her mother sobbing, and I mean sobbing, that no-one wants to play with her, and mum will then make the other children play. no-one is allowed to play with her best friend, if they do, again she will sob to mum and mum tells best friend to come and play with her. If three of us are in park and one asks to go on swings, girl's mum will say no because her dd won't like it and it wouldn't be fair to her. If children are playing a game and another child wins then other girl will sob and it must be engineered that she wins instead. and so it goes on. I know the mum quite well and I have never heard her say no too this child.

Obviously would never say anything but can't help being really irritated by this, surely this child has a tough time ahead of her at school when she doesn't always get her own way?

OP posts:
fryalot · 12/03/2007 14:51

not unreasonable at all, imo.

They need to be told "no" occasionally or it's a really big shock when they get out into the big, bad world

mrsgenehunt · 12/03/2007 14:53

aaah,, mst be her precious first born.

raspberryberet · 12/03/2007 14:57

The only thing you can do is not be complicit in this woman's power games. Don't let her dictate to you - if your child wants to go on the swings then let her go on the swings - regardless of whether this woman likes it or not. If your or any other child wins a game, say "well done" and immediately pack the game away or start another game without giving in.

It sounds like the child is not the only person who needs to learn that she can't have her own way.

DontlookatmeImshy · 12/03/2007 15:02

Do I understand this right? If someone else's childs want to go on the swing this woman says they can't!

Who made her lord of the playground? I'd be tempted to tell her where to stick the swing.

Tutter · 12/03/2007 15:05

as soon as she dictates what the other kids should do she's out of order imo

(btw heck i do hate the pfb thing on here)

mrsgenehunt · 12/03/2007 15:08

ooh i would be so tempted to to to leave her out (wicked smile)

ScottishThistle · 12/03/2007 15:09

I wouldn't socialise with a Mother & child like this, problem solved on my behalf!

Poor child!

AitchYouBerk · 12/03/2007 15:11

i hate the PFB thing too, Tutter. such patronising bollocks.

that situation sounds very weird, wannabe... i'm not understanding about the swings i think. surely she's not telling children they can't go on the swings because it might upset dd?

Original poster
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 12/03/2007 15:23

aitch that's exactly what she says. today another of the little boys that goes with her to preschool said he wanted to go on the swings and said mother said "wait till dd has gone, otherwise it'll upset her".

I have also been ve tempted to leave her out, or to invite her best friend round for lunch.

OP posts:
Miaou · 12/03/2007 15:24

What a nightmare wannabe!

I knew a boy like this - he always got his own way, games were engineered so that he always won them, and his whims took precedence over everyone else's (child or adult). He really struggled in nursery and first year of school because he had no concept of doing as he was told. I actually felt quite sorry for him. He is 10 or 11 now and I haven't seen him for a couple of years but when I saw him regularly he had a real hatred of school, a situation basically created by his parents by allowing him to always have his own way. He is the epitome of "spoilt" - ie a nice child spoilt by his parents. Very sad.

idlemum · 12/03/2007 15:43

'Aitch' and 'Tutter' please would you mind explaining what 'pfb' means. I am new to mumsnet and haven't worked out all the abbreviations yet. Sorry if this is boring for everyone else.

bluejelly · 12/03/2007 15:49

Perfect first born ( great acronym I reckon)

Although I only have one and have always tried to make her understand that she can't have her own way all the time

Kids need boundaries, the same way they need love

Miaou · 12/03/2007 15:51

It means "precious first born" indiemum

as opposed to nsc "neglected second child"

AitchYouBerk · 12/03/2007 15:56

but what if you have always treated your firstborn with benign neglect?
Poor kid, wannabe. my friend's wee girl is a sweetheart and very good at sharing etc but always takes a bit of a paddy if she doesn't win things. her mother just reiterates that it's just a game, just for fun etc and that on this occasion x played better than she did etc etc but it is wearing... and honeslty, this is from an utterly delightful little girl. can't imagine how irritating it must be for you all to be dictated to by a small child.

JanH · 12/03/2007 16:05

Then it isn't a pfb, aitch!

pfb is reserved for precisely this kind of mother

kittywaitsfornumber6 · 12/03/2007 16:06

God, I wouldn't have anything to do with this spiolt child and her barking mother. Your child deserves NOT to be with her. Do your child a favour and steer clear.

AitchYouBerk · 12/03/2007 16:12

janh

SoupDragon · 12/03/2007 17:08

Ah, but should you have a subsequent child and treat them with even more benign neglect, then you realise your firstborn was a PFB .

misdee · 12/03/2007 17:11

i;d the the kdis to all go on the swings and let the mother deal with the fall out on her own. thw world does not revolve around anyone (except me of course )

AitchYouBerk · 12/03/2007 17:20

oh there is no way i'll be able to keep up this standard of benignity if i have another. i think i'll be forced to move on to actual neglect, soupy.

SoupDragon · 12/03/2007 18:10

Aitch... BabyDragon is damn lucky there's a 5 year gap between her and DS2 or the neglect would be appalling.

WannaBe, I agree with raspberryberet. If this woman says your child can't go on the swings because her DD will be upset, you tell her that your child wants to go on them and your child will be going on them. I would not accept any engineering of games so the other child wins either and would probably tell her that this is not fair on the other children. (I like to think I would stop short of using the phrases "spoilt brat" or "right little princess" though!)

marymillington · 12/03/2007 18:20

still confused about the swings....is child swing-phobic or just can't bear anyone to be doing something she isn't....

must be terrible fvr this woman to be so afraid of her daughter's temper

OrmIrian · 12/03/2007 18:36

I think pfb is a perfect description for some first children - and in many cases not just the first.

aitch - don't worry about what would happen after number 1. No 1 benign neglect, no 2 even more benign neglect, no 3 a sort of Lord of the Flies thing going on. It's fine.

EddieMonsoon · 12/03/2007 18:45

This sort of behaviour makes my blood boil. I would behave as though the universe revolves around my child in these circumstances. If she tells the other kids not to use the swings or it'll upset her daughter, then smile sweetly and say it'll upset your daughter if she is told not to. Kiss her on the forehead and say "off you go, sweetie" and tell her to go on the swing. If you keep this up, always put your child first, she'll probably dump you and good job too. Then you can go back to being more reasonable with your own daughter.

Fillyjonk · 12/03/2007 18:49

well it doesn't annoy me, and wouldn't tbh

she's clearly a bit loopy

and we'd just ignore her and go on the swings