To hate DP socialising so much for work?

[HateFeelingInsecure]

DP works in sales and there are periods twice a year where over the space of a couple of months he spends most of the week away from home. This time of year is approaching again and over the next five weeks DP will be away for four days, then three, then four, then a couple of overnighters. I'm filled with a sense of dread.

The thing that bothers me most is that when he's away, there's a LOT of socialising - he "has" to take women out for dinner and drinks - very attractive women (yes, to my shame, I've looked them up on LinkedIn and social media). He's admitted that he finds them attractive and would date them if he were single but then backtracks by saying they probably have partners, he has a partner etc.

The thought of him wining and dining these women makes me feel ill, especially since I feel he's lost interest in me sexually (I've tried to talk to him about this without getting very far, and I've tried nice underwear and coming on to him etc. but I feel that things are fizzling out.)

I don't think he'd actually cheat on me, but I'm worried that he might want to, because he seems disinterested in me. Also, because him being away causes arguments, it's probably a relief for him to be away from me and he probably enjoys being with women who don't cause him any problems.

Ugh. I'm feeling really low. I hate being like this

I work away and socialise with men. I couldn't cope with a husband who was insecure about these things.
But I probably wouldn't say the men are hot either.
I think you're both to blame. If you keep stalking him and these women and asking a million questions then you will drive him away!!
But you could ask him not to tell you about their attractiveness.
And you need to talk to him about the lack of bedroom activity between you. But honestly, insecurity is not attractive!

^^

Maybe if she asked once or twice. But she describes it as 'poking the wound' ffs. And admits that if he said what you suggest she'd be angry anyway. If I was him I'd have left her by now.

In answer to your question no yanbu to hate him socialising so much for work. But your behaviour is U.

He's admitted that he finds them attractive and would date them if he were single but then backtracks by saying they probably have partners, he has a partner etc.

I would be very stressed living with him.

I do not think you should be getting married to each other.

I think we're probably both in the wrong - me for allowing my insecurities to get the better of me and asking questions about the trips and dreading them, him for not making more of an effort to respond to my advances or talk about why his interest in me seems to have faded.

I think it's a vicious circle - my insecurity isn't attractive, therefore he draws away from me, which makes me more insecure about these women he'll be having fun times with when he's away from home.

Arrrgggh . . .

I guess I need to be really disciplined and find a way not to let it get to me.

I don't think he can win with the questions you are asking. He has to take out attractive, probably intelligent women. If he says he would date them he upsets you, if he says he wouldn't you would call him out on lying.

You need to decide if you can cope with this situation but the constant questioning will drive him away.

Harsh but needy is not a good look.

Why would you marry someone who makes you feel like this ?

No, you don't need to find a way to not let it get to you. Of course it gets to you! You need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about the missing intimacy in your relationship. Or, more cynically, you need to accept that he isn't interested in you anymore and move on. You deserve someone who treats you better than this.

I've been there and we eventually split up. I was so insecure, partly because he made me that way, but my insecurity also drove him away. You have to sort yourself out and then your relationship