Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

WIBU to lie about my due date?

86 replies

Fruu · 27/04/2017 09:49

My first baby was 19 days overdue and eventually arrived via induction / EMCS.

For the last month and a half of pregnancy there were several members of mine and my partner's family who were phoning me once or twice a day every day to nag me for updates. I have anxiety issues anyway and it did not help at all having constant conversations about how many days overdue I was and whether I'd tried curry/pineapple/everything else under the sun. MIL and my dad were even nagging my partner and occasionally me from my due date about what date I would be going in for induction!

It got so bad I started preemptively emailing a daily "no news" update to both families and nosy friends because I was ending up in tears or having panic attacks after the phone calls, in the hope that they'd then not phone us. Not answering the phone is not really an option - some of the family would phone repeatedly, try landlines and work phones or turn up at our door / start phoning the neighbours or our friends and rope them into asking us to phone back.

I'm pregnant again and under no circumstances want to put up with that this time! I've told everyone the baby is due "halfway through X month" rather than the actual, earlier due date. I've also explained as tactfully and gently as possible how much stress I was put under last time and that it's nothing personal and nobody is being given the exact date.

MIL is livid that I won't give her the exact date and was ranting on the phone to my partner a couple of days ago and trying to get the information out of him. Yesterday she made plans for a big family get together (which I'd suggested in the first place) and deliberately excluded us. It's quite obviously not a coincidence.

My dad keeps asking when my last period started and when I'm going to have the dating ultrasound even though I've told him several times now that the most specific I'm willing to be is "halfway through X month". He doesn't seem to understand that I don't WANT to tell him.

All I really want to do is go NC with both our families for the next few months and hide in a cupboard where they can't harass me, but that's not really practical! I've already told my partner that he's fielding all relatives this time if they get difficult and it starts impacting on my mental health.

WIBU to make up a fake due date to shut them up? I'm a bit worried it could backfire when the truth comes out later!

OP posts:

Namechangearoo · 27/04/2017 10:13

There was a post very similar to this about a month ago, OP - you are absolutely not alone and it's the worst having people constantly picking at you for information when you're tired, uncomfortable and hormonal. I would definitely give them a due date at least two weeks after your expected due date.

MissBel12 · 27/04/2017 10:16

Wow they sound like hard work! Yeah you should add 2 weeks onto the end and just tell them that to shut them up. If the baby arrives on time, just say you must have calculated wrong as your cycle was a bit all over the place due to stress and anxiety.

misstiggiwinkle · 27/04/2017 10:17

I have actually done this this time with dc2. My ILs think I'm due roughly a month after I actually am as they are the sort to camp out in the hospital even when told not to and I just don't want them around after the stress they put me under last time (think tears from MIL that I was keeping her from her grandchild as I asked for them not to be allowed in the room whilst I was having my catheter out ). They are coming over for the summer from Hong Kong where they live and I just don't want them sitting in my house waiting for me to go into labour. Much better that baby arrives 'early' and I get a few days to recover before they barge in!

EssentialHummus · 27/04/2017 10:18

I'm doing this, and my family aren't nearly as bad.

In your circs I think it's also fine to write to everyone now and say that the constant questioning last time was incredibly stress-inducing, you're so lucky to have family that can't wait to welcome the little one but they will need to wait for you to be in touch after the birth.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/04/2017 10:20

They both sound very mature . It's your body and your baby. I'm sure you've explained it was too stressful last time. The middle of x month is enough.

Barmaid101 · 27/04/2017 10:21

Give all family members different dates so that when they talk to each other m they realise they don't have a clue when your due date is!

averythinline · 27/04/2017 10:24

WTF unless your Dad is your gynecologist there is absolutely no need for him to know about your periods! Seriously that is v odd

I'm with Starry s response or the elephant idea - I would lose my rag with them - and go NC for the rest of the pregnancy

At the very least pick your likely induction date add a couple of days and tell them that.....

Seeingadistance · 27/04/2017 10:27

They sound awful, and really uncaring! How stressful for you!

If it'll shut them up, by all means lie with the clearest conscience, and give them a date.

DirtyChaiLatte · 27/04/2017 10:32

The Internet is a dangerous thing in some people's hands. I assume your father has discovered those Due Date Calculators online and wants to check the date himself!

I don't blame you for not wanting people to know and so I would just make up a date to keep them quiet.

PuppyMonkey · 27/04/2017 10:38

Your dad asking about the first day of your last period sounds like something out of a sitcom.

Could you simply give them a date exactly one month after or something to stop all the questions - you might find it easier to remember what you said that way and not get caught out.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 27/04/2017 10:38

I'd send them all an email telling them that they WILL be told when LO has arrived, UNLESS they start hassling you, in which case they'll be knocked off your need-to-know list and will have to be content with hearing it second or third hand. And that if they come and start annoying the neighbours for information the police will be told of antisocial behaviour. Ok, the last bit is a tad OTT but it might get the message across.

As for your dad, ask him when he last had a wank. Unless he's the type of person who wouldn't mind being asked he might just realise the sort of boundary he's crossing.

Plipplops · 27/04/2017 10:44

I had never thought of this and think it's genius. Definitely tell them a fake date (I'd do it via email/text so I don't have to lie to their faces but I'm a wimp). If you can push it to 3 weeks after your EDD that would definitely help...

amusedbush · 27/04/2017 10:46

Yuck, my dad asking about my period would make me want to peel all of my skin off. YANBU.

goose1964 · 27/04/2017 10:49

If you feel the pressure add 14 days to your due date

user1493035447 · 27/04/2017 10:50

You should start reffering to it as "he" or "she". Or even "they"! You could always mix it up for a bit of a laugh.

ohfourfoxache · 27/04/2017 10:50

Lie. Definitely definitely definitely lie. Big time.

When you have the dating scan I'm sure it will show that dc isn't due in the middle of the month but actually at the beginning of the following month.

PineQueen · 27/04/2017 10:52

Pick a vague date beyond 42 weeks and don't share scan pics, unless well after the date they are done.

GaelicSiog · 27/04/2017 10:53

I think I would die of embarrassment if my dad asked when my last period was!

YANBU, op. Pregnancy is stressful enough without that bullshit.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 27/04/2017 10:53

That's awful!!! Yes. Lie!

People that treat you this way don't deserve the truth.

Just tell them it's... the 29th instead of the 2nd, for example!

thesockgap · 27/04/2017 10:55

Not unreasonable at all!! My first two babies were 11 and 13 days overdue respectively, and both births were induced. I got SO SICK of being asked - from about 36 weeks each time - "haven't you had that baby yet?" that I was ready to kill someone by the time I was almost 42 weeks with my 2nd.

So when I was having my 3rd, I was due 28th December, but I told people that my due date was 11th January - so 2 weeks later. In the end I went into labour naturally at only 5 days overdue so everyone thought I was early! ;)

Rabbitykins55 · 27/04/2017 10:56

I wish I'd thought of this thirty odd weeks ago!

happypoobum · 27/04/2017 10:58

rabbity it's never too late. Just do it!!! Say they have re measured and the revised date is x.

Wando1986 · 27/04/2017 10:58

Are your family always this fucking mental? Less than 1% of babies are born on their due date. That's why full term is anything from 37 weeks to 42 weeks and you're not 'late' or overdue until you go past 42 weeks.

I would honestly cut family off who were that mental including parents.

AnnaL82 · 27/04/2017 11:01

YANBU. Tell them an exact date that would be 2 weeks after your actual due date.
I have decided to give birth in my home country to have DPs around (me and DH work 90 miles away and he only has 1 week paternity leave) and will fly just before the 36 weeks limit, and people are scaring the hell out of me telling me their stories of breaking waters at the 36th with no notice or apparent reason and seeing me delivering in a (2 hours) flight, so it happens - meaning that if your DC comes at their actual due date (their 38th), it will be still perfectly within the range.

RomanticWalksToTheFridge · 27/04/2017 11:02

Do it do it.

I had a friend call every single morning at 9 am on the dot to ask if I'd had DS yet. I found it exhausting and stressful!

Problem is she figured out the day I did not answer that I had gone into labour and we came home from the hospital to about 20 messages left at hourly intervals asking if we'd 'had it' yet.

In the unlikely event I ever have a DC2, I would be giving myself a good 3 weeks leeway.

Flip

1 2 3 4