WIBU to lie about my due date?

[Fruu]

My first baby was 19 days overdue and eventually arrived via induction / EMCS.

For the last month and a half of pregnancy there were several members of mine and my partner's family who were phoning me once or twice a day every day to nag me for updates. I have anxiety issues anyway and it did not help at all having constant conversations about how many days overdue I was and whether I'd tried curry/pineapple/everything else under the sun. MIL and my dad were even nagging my partner and occasionally me from my due date about what date I would be going in for induction!

It got so bad I started preemptively emailing a daily "no news" update to both families and nosy friends because I was ending up in tears or having panic attacks after the phone calls, in the hope that they'd then not phone us. Not answering the phone is not really an option - some of the family would phone repeatedly, try landlines and work phones or turn up at our door / start phoning the neighbours or our friends and rope them into asking us to phone back.

I'm pregnant again and under no circumstances want to put up with that this time! I've told everyone the baby is due "halfway through X month" rather than the actual, earlier due date. I've also explained as tactfully and gently as possible how much stress I was put under last time and that it's nothing personal and nobody is being given the exact date.

MIL is livid that I won't give her the exact date and was ranting on the phone to my partner a couple of days ago and trying to get the information out of him. Yesterday she made plans for a big family get together (which I'd suggested in the first place) and deliberately excluded us. It's quite obviously not a coincidence.

My dad keeps asking when my last period started and when I'm going to have the dating ultrasound even though I've told him several times now that the most specific I'm willing to be is "halfway through X month". He doesn't seem to understand that I don't WANT to tell him.

All I really want to do is go NC with both our families for the next few months and hide in a cupboard where they can't harass me, but that's not really practical! I've already told my partner that he's fielding all relatives this time if they get difficult and it starts impacting on my mental health.

WIBU to make up a fake due date to shut them up? I'm a bit worried it could backfire when the truth comes out later!

[Crunchymum]

In seen you had an emcs last time, will you have an elcs this time or try for vbac?

If it is the former then good luck hiding you section date from your family with no boundaries!!!

[FataliePorkman]

I feel your pain OP. Ex MIL did this when I was expecting DTs. For last few weeks she must of texted me every hour on the hour.

When I was pregnant with DD I got ex P to have a word with her. She wasn't happy but I got some peace and quiet!

[Jakeyboy1]

Wow can't believe you went 19 days over! Are you in Solihull? That is the only place I know that lets you go 3 weeks most places are two.

Don't get so stressed about it. People are just excited (and yes annoying) but just ignore them. Keep yourself busy and don't be so available to tell them.

[breadwidow]

Yes to giving a fake date if they are that insistent.

My eldest was 17 days overdue and though my family were not half as bad as totes friends were annoying. The constant text got my anxiety going. That and the hormones led to a massive melt down one day. At about 15 days over I sent out a mass text asking people to leave me alone!

Second time round friends were less interested and I was much more vague re the date.

Incidentally, the midwife who ran the ante natal classes I went to before the eldest was born strongly recommended giving a fake date around a fortnight post the real one to reduce to anxiety

[Caterina99]

Just give them a fake date. You can always say it got changed at the most recent scan

[ollieplimsoles]

Added to that was it was a planned homebirth and people seemed desperate for me to go so far over that the home birth wouldn't be possible?

This was exactly my experience ! particularly mil made no effort to hide the fact she hoped a home birth wouldn't happen.
I lied about my due date, my actual date was close to mils birthday and I didn't want her hijacking it and making it all about her.

[Maxandrubyrubyandmax]

Tell them a date 3 weeks after your actual due date. After the birth send your dad a used tampon every month so he can keep track. He really needs to get a hang of boundaries!

[harderandharder2breathe]

They are batshit crazy!

Tell them a date a good month later than the real one, although I'd be tempted not to tell them at all and play offended if they comment but if your father is asking about your period (dear god he needs to learn some boundaries! Wtaf?!? Who except your husband and midwife need to know that?!) it sounds like it's too late

[justkeepswimmingg]

How awful OP. Yes make up a date! I'd say the date exactly two weeks later than the due date. Let them think they know so they stop the nagging, and hit them with the truth after baby has arrived!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Tell them you're due two months after you actually are. Say you got it wrong...Ooops!

That should give you 2 months breathing space....

Alternatively, turn off your phones. Get new phones with new sim cards and new phone numbers and don't give the new numbers to your family. That way you can stay in touch with the people you want to and they can't hassle you.

Congrats by the way, and good luck!

[TheLegendOfBeans]

FOR GODS SAKE ADD THREE WEEKS TO YOUR DUE DATE

normally I'd have said two weeks but as

• your first was 19 days over
  
• your family sound borderline insane
  

you need to do what you can to stay sane.

[Scribblegirl]

I'd just send them this thread to be honest

[SpookyPotato]

I can't believe some of the stuff people have to put up with, no wonder there is so much stress and anxiety around. I was just left to get on with it and my family/friends knew that they would hear about it if there was any news. I would have hated to be hasselled in those last weeks. Actually I hate being hasselled all the time... Your family sound intense, ringing round neighbours and knocking on doors!? Definitely give them a big fat incorrect date OP.

[purpleviolet1]

Plus why do people expect to be told when you are in labour???!!! They feel entitled..

[purpleviolet1]

I told people early X month when my DD was actually the 31st of the previous month. Some people asked what date specifically and then I said the first week of X month... hoping that would shut them up but then some still insisted.. so I said oh the 3rd /4th and then I ended up slipping the real date and then I said it had been changed at scans. Basically I wasn't very good at sticking to my guns but people really shouldn't be so intrusive! I was actually given a date for a c section before my DD in the end but when people asked whether I was given a date to go in for (after they asked whether it would be natural or c section) I just said no not yet.

In the end LO arrived early via EMCS.

People should really butt out!

[savagehk]

That's awful. My first was also 19 days late in the end by the scan date (which I knew was wrong). This time I've gone with a lot of 'they come when they are ready' and 'there'll be a baby by the end of xx month' (my EDD is the first week of the month which gives me the 2 week 'normal' lateness plus the expected 5 days I think they've moved me early at the scan again ).

Good luck with the HBAC, I'm going for a HB (last time I was also hoping for one but because of the overdue-ness and that my waters went as my labour started I had a fight on my hands when in labour and wasn't in enough of a mood to fight). This time I have a doula booked and I've not told any family members that we're HB as I know there will be concerns.

Unfortunately I carry hugely so if I see anyone in person even if they don't know the due date they keep commenting 'not long now' (I had this first time around from about 36 weeks, given I went to almost 43 it gets a bit tiring....)

[SomethingBorrowed]

Yes fake date is a good idea. Just a white lie IMO.

[Bananamanfan]

YA so NBU! Tell them due date + 3 weeks.
Congratulations btw

[ShowOfHands]

My Mum was the same. After a tough time with dc1, I told people dc2 was due 'in September'. In fact, I didn't even tell people I was pregnant, just waited for them to notice. My Mum was the only person who pushed and pushed and pushed for an exact date. I am not a pot which needs to be watched.

Good luck with your VBAC. I tried for a HBAC and had another EMCS but it was lovely. Positive, happy and I loved the whole experience.

[JustMumNowNotMe]

Twice I've done this! I've picked a date 3 weeks later than my EDD and told everyone that instead 😂 I learnt my lesson after my first pregnancy where I too was driven to the soddong brink by the endless calls and texts etc.

I also didn't tell anyone I'd gone into labour for 2 and 3, just announced baby's arrival after the fact.

[RedOrangeGoldLeaf]

With both of mine I gave a vague, "Oh, sometime in or , probably between mid and mid" to everyone. If pushed further I asked incredulously (with a smile) did they really expect baby to arrive on their guesstimated due date anyway, so what did they want to know for? And pointed out that anywhere between 37 and 42 weeks is "on time" and normal anyway. It worked, we only got one or two queries which were easily dealt with with a teasing, "Oh yes, he was born 3 weeks ago I just forgot to mention it!"

[StewieGMum]

Have you considered immigrating? I hear New Zealand is nice this time of year. And it has the added benefit of being too far and too expensive for daily harassing phone calls.

[Goodasgoldilox]

You really don't need this! You have the right to keep this quiet and the right to lie about it if you want to.

However if you don't want to tell an untruth:
You have your due date and know that last time your baby arrived 19 days later than that - so add 19 days to the present due date and give that to anyone you wish to tell.

This is a truthful account and.of what you might be expecting to happen -no more likely to be inaccurate than the hospital due date- so no lie to worry about.

Best wishes and congratulations - no matter when this baby introduces his/herself to the rest of the world.

[kimann]

your dad asked when your last period was?! that is really BIZARRE.

YANBU - your baby, you decide who knows what and when. Don't tell them if you don't want to. Ignore them, though i know its easier said and done with family.

Sorry - i still can't get over the dad thing.

[Dozer]

Definitely lie!

You and DP need to work on your boundaries with your families, and how you handle the associated stress.

Sadly it would not, given her behaviour, be a good plan for MiL to have DC1 during the birth. During the pregnancy you could try to do things to prepare for DC1 to go to friends', or find paid childcare.

The Royal Soc for Obstetrics and Gynacology has useful guidelines on VBAC etc - sets out factors increasing/decreasing chances of a successful VBAC.