to ask you how my ds can get back at 'cool' kids making fun of him

[moredealsplease]

This is not a massive problem as Ds ( year 7 so 11/12 year olds) has a group of good friends and is generally happy at school. There is of course, the cool kids in the class. They seem to get pleasure from laughing and making fun of the other dc for whatever 'weakness' they perceive them to have. My ds is not that good at sport but tries hard. He is slow at running and this is why they pick on him. He also has a slight phobia about something and they have found out about this and make fun of it. Ds was a bit upset this morning going to school as they are doing timed running in PE and he knows he will be laughed at. Can I ask your advice for how to deal with this. Not bad enough for me to talk to school but I hate thinking of ds being ridiculed. Or is this just life and he needs to ignore them? (That's what I told him)

Ignore the bullies and speak to the school.

Yuck timed running. Why do schools still force all kids to go through that nonsense!! I think he will just need to ignore them but obviously intervene if you feel its going too far. What does he have a phobia of?

Spiders since he was about 3 and they were doing about them at pre school!! No idea why and he's gradually getting over it.

I presume they will do the timed running in heats? Tell me they're doing it in heats...........

He needs to ignore them and you need to speak to the school. Yes kids spotting a weakness and exploiting it is part of life but what's happening to your son is a form of bullying. If it's not dealt with the extreme outcome could be a really miserable boy who doesn't want to go to school or who tries to avoid things like PE. Not tackling it also does the other kids no favours. They need to learn some social skills, kindness and an understanding that we're not all good at the same things and difference is okay.

If you're looking for a solution not involving authority I always found smiling and agreeing with the tease was the best way to be left alone, along with a generally breezy and confident manner that says "well, we're all good and bad at different things". Tough for an 11 year old to have to work on as I know from personal experience but it certainly takes the point out of it for the bullies who only enjoy angry, tearful or shamed responses, as bullying is a projection of the bully's weakness.

When our parents said "ignore", as you are now, understandably, they meant "act indifferent". Ignoring is actually a response a bully can enjoy and work on. Smiling and treating them normally takes the target off your back.

If DS was upset this morning, before the timed running has even happened, it is 'bad enough' for you to talk to the school.