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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going away with a friend - WWYD

43 replies

GandolfBold · 27/04/2017 09:43

So I am going away with a friend for a city break in a couple of weeks. She is my oldest friend and we get on brilliantly. However we have one issue which is difficult and I don't know what to do.

Last year when we went away, she was adamant that she wanted to go clubbing, which I did not want to do. I don't drink so its not very fun for me, and I just don't like that kind of atmosphere. In the end she didn't go but became a bit sulky about it.

She has already mentioned this year that she definitely wants to go out to a club, and I am already feeling my heckles rise. I don't want to go, I really don't. However I don't know if I should let her go on her own, in a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language and doesn't know the city.

For context, last year there were places I wanted to go to which she didn't, so I went on my own. Although that was in the day.

OP posts:

Original poster

GandolfBold · 27/04/2017 10:38

But how do you 'get on brilliantly' if you don't like the same things

We do like the same things though, just a couple of things that we don't.

Shouldn't you be in school?

OP posts:

Derlei · 27/04/2017 10:44

I would suggest a compromise to her: you'll go clubbing her for one night and she comes to the daytime activities with you.

What are her intentions re clubbing, is it to drink and dance/rave, or does she want to pull? If it's the latter then yanbu, as what are you supposed to do when she's canoodling a stranger. If she wants to drink and dance then yabu : Go with her. If I wanted to just dance and have a good time, I wouldn't go by myself and probably would feel a bit sulky as well.

MinesaLattecino · 27/04/2017 10:48

Does it have to be a proper 'niteclub' or can you go to a cool bar that has a bit of dancing on the side? Then you can both go without feeling like you're in a meat market

realhousewifeoffitzrovia · 27/04/2017 11:00

I don't understand why not drinking is relevant. You can dance without drinking. Or is it that you don't like to dance?

Original poster

GandolfBold · 27/04/2017 11:03

Not drinking is relevant because if everyone else is drinking it gets pretty boring really quickly.

OP posts:

Rossigigi · 27/04/2017 11:05

Negotiate before you go- you'll go clubbing with her once if she goes to X with you. Isn't that what friendships are about?

Bantanddec · 27/04/2017 11:08

So what's your aibu? You've asked for advice and people have suggested either suck it up or don't book anymore holidays with this friend! All you're doing is going on about how compatible you are with her but it really doesn't sound that way! So again...either go to the club with her or for fucks sake stop going on holiday with her and then moaning about it.

Chavelita · 27/04/2017 11:11

If all this angst comes up in the two or three days I assume you are talking about for a 'city break', then you don't sound all that compatible. I have a very close friend whom I love, and we like almost all the same things, but she's a slow walker, and I'm an unusually fast one, so though we both enjoy hillwalking, we don't go out together, as she's exhausted trying to keep up with me (though she's very fit - it's just not her natural pace), while I find it tiring to slow myself down.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to waste one night of my time away in a nightclub, so I wouldn't be doing that. Just make it plain that you're not planning to go clubbing ahead of your departure -- surely it's her decision then as to whether she goes clubbing solo or not? And likewise your museum visit or whatever.

QuimReaper · 27/04/2017 11:17

OP I think the problem here is that you feel guilty about letting her go alone, and frightened that something will happen to her.

A PP has said she's been the clubber in this scenario and was perfectly happy to go alone. If your friend told you she'd be happy to take the risk / will enjoy herself alone, would you feel better?

Is the problem that she won't say that, implies you'd be irresponsible to let her go alone and that she won't enjoy it unless you go with her?

Because if it's that, then I think the friend is being a bit unreasonable.

IHeartDodo · 27/04/2017 11:38

I would only do the friend's thing if she will do yours!

fourteenlittleducks · 27/04/2017 11:52

Compromise! Agree to go to a club one night if she agrees to do a daytrip you want to do. Research some clubs, have a few drinks, stick it out for a few hours.

Or let her go alone. She's a grown up. It's ok to do different things on holiday.

Can you find a nice upmarket bar where you can sit down?

nelipotter · 27/04/2017 12:00

What city, out of curiosity? I have taken myself clubbing, alone, in many foreign cities and have never ended up in any trouble that I didn't really reallyy want to be in
I'm sure she'll be fine. You better make plans for the day after though, when she is nursing an adult sized hangover

Jackiebrambles · 27/04/2017 12:03

How old is she? I'm just interested, anyone I know over 30 hates clubbing! :-D

But that aside you need to compromise. you go with her clubbing and she needs to do what you want for the other evening. Simple.

scrabbbling · 27/04/2017 12:10

I think I would say beforehand I would go with her for one night. The thing is clubbing alone is weird and rubbish but going to a museum alone is fine really. Although I would say I would expect her to compromise and go along with things you want to do (if you want her there). You didn't go last time you can manage one night this time?

queenofawkward · 27/04/2017 12:24

Is she happy to go alone? If so, just let her and don't make a big deal of it. She's responsible for her own safety. Personally, I can't think of anything worse than going clubbing on my own or having dragged someone along who doesn't want to be there but it is entirely up to her.

GreenShadow · 27/04/2017 12:32

It's called compromise.

Last time you didn't go clubbing, so how about you do this time to make it fair.
It wouldn't be my first choice of things to do either, but in the interests of fairness, i'd put up with it as a one-off.
(Incidentally, I also don't get how not drinking means you can't enjoy yourself as much. Why does drinking make it less boring?)

milliemolliemou · 27/04/2017 12:48

it's her choice - does she just want to dance and have a couple of drinks and a good time? in which case you could go for a bit and make sure she's confident about the way back. And while she sleeps in a bit you can go to the art gallery/museum/for a walk. I sympathise if it's southern Europe or islands since they get going when northern Europeans are thinking of bed.

Can you not just talk to her and explain your concerns and feeling of responsibility? I get you're good friends but chalk and cheese is the least of it.

DonaldStott · 27/04/2017 13:37

How are you 90% compatible? You don't like clubbing, and she stayed in the hotel room while you did your thing.

City break is usually only for a few days isn't it?

She spends an evening without you, you spend a day without her and you meet for food? Is that how it works?

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