13 and 12 year olds cooking dinner unsupervised

[HelgaHufflepuff76]

I've encouraged both my dc to cook from a young age. Dd likes to bake and ds prefers to make salads and pizzas. However, I have only let them do any cooking while supervised by an adult.

Today Dh was about to go out and asked if I wanted to come along (would have been gone about half an hour) I said no because I was about to begin cooking dinner. He then suggested that the kids could cook the dinner while we were out. The cooking he wanted them to do would've been simple, but involving the cooker and sharp knives, which they know how to use safely.

Both kids are sensible and mature so I don't mind leaving them at home for short periods, but leaving them cooking doesn't seem right to me. He thinks I'm overprotective and that most kids should be doing this kind of thing unsupervised at their age.

So AIBU or is he?

Teach them what to do in an emergency and then they will be able to deal with that too should it happen.

My biggest worry would be that they'd make a right mess

Oh, there would definitely be a mess Rail, don't know if it would be much worse than after Dh cooks though.

They should be able to remain at home and cook supper in their early teens. We underestimate our children sometimes. Cooking really isn't that dangerous unless they're using a chip pan.

I think that really depends on the maturity of the children and you should follow your instinct.

I was cooking my own dinner at 11yrs when my Mum was back at college a few nights a week. Nothing wrong with it.

YABU

If your kids are in secondary then they will be expected to cook, mainly unsupervised as part of food tech.

You don't need to shelter them on this, people need to learn to cook, my DP didn't and now he is v anxious in the kitchen and can't cook intuitively.

Give them some freedom, especially if they have done it before and you aren't expecting something really complex and difficult to cook and they will be fine.

So a 13 year old isn't old enough to cook unsupervised.... but generally on MN people consider 18 a fully fledged adult who needs or deserves no parental support. Odd.

Am certainly of the opinion that they should be able to do this. Talk them through emergencies in advance as a general part of everyday smalltalk: how do you deal with smouldering on cooker, somebody cutting themselves etc etc.

And to add to Hairspray's post: at school they will not only be expected to do food tech but also to use Bunsen burners and dangerous chemicals in Science lessons.

In this case unsupervised = not in the house at all.

I think sometimes people just read the title and not the actual post before they respond. So many of these responses have been talking about something that's not actually the issue at all.

The kids can cook without me being in the kitchen with them. They are both also fine being left home alone for a couple of hours.

The question was, would you leave a 12 and 13 year old to cook an evening meal for the whole family while you and your Dh went out? Would that be an ok thing to do, or would it be considered irresponsible because of potential accidents?

People keep telling me I should teach my kids to cook when that's literally what I say I've done in the first sentence of my first post!!

My 11 year old DD has been involved in the kitchen all her life (from cutting soft things with a kids knife sitting in her high chair beside me). I have also let her do 1 week cookery camp 2 summers ago, where she was formally taught safety and knife skills etc, so not just by me. We've built up over the years under supervision to reducing that as her skills and ability grew.

Now, she comes home alone 2 afternoons a week from school and cooks herself a hot snack using microwave, kettle of boiling water into pot noodle type pots, grill for a toaster or the electric oven for pizza/fish cake/goujons and chips etc. She will occasionally peel (half!) the veg for dinner (often wanders off before finishing but it helps when I get in😀).

She can use the job and is grand to cook something once it's turned on, but she's not confident at turning it on herself (it's gas) even though she can. So we are all happy that she only cooks on the hob when DH or I are at home.

She is also very slowly learning to use other electric tools like my kenwood chef, a stick blender and a smoothie maker, under supervision. She is not allowed to use the chip pan and won't be for some years yet.

We taught her as we were doing things how to do it properly and safely, and have always chatted about what to do if something goes wrong. Including burns (she seen me under cold taps a few times😳) and cuts (she is not bad at cleaning up near cuts and putting on a bandaid). And knows to get help from neighbours if we're out and she needs help.

Maybe try it out first by letting them do a meal unsupervised while you are at home- go do a job upstairs or in the garden so you are there if they need help or reassurance but not physically in the kitchen to give them the trust and independence. Then progress to going out.

If they were in Scouts, they would probably be doing it all themselves on an open fire at camp with their patrols, with leaders available but not actually directly involved.

Cory but in home economics and science at school, a teacher would be in the classroom or at least in the same building.

Ok, I read first post not rtft.

Teach them how to cope in emergencies- talk through what might happen and how to react.

Then, if it's a meal that you know they can cook, yes, let them do it unsupervised while you are out.

In our case, the only 2 meals that DD cooks for dinner require either Masive help cutting chicken etc (kiev) or using the hob (penne Arabiatta) do not possible without some help yet. But if it was a quiche/lasagna (we generally buy the former and make the latter the day before) and salad night, I'd happily leave her to it. Or something roasted.

Thanks Biddy. Usually when they cook I'll either be in the kitchen or the next room. I will try progressing to the garden next.

They were both in scouts/guides and know about campfires/knives etc.

Helga what exactly were you expecting them to cook?

HelgaHufflepuff76 Thu 27-Apr-17 09:21:53
"Cory but in home economics and science at school, a teacher would be in the classroom or at least in the same building."

True. But that teacher will be dealing with 20 or so teens who are egging each other on and with the potential of several accidents happening at the same time. Two teens in their own home have the potential for dealing with things a lot more calmly. Just talk them through emergency procedures.

Hairspray something like spaghetti, sauce and salad. Not a sauce in a jar, but a from scratch one, so chopping onions, carrots etc. Also would involve big pans of boiling water of course. This is their favourite thing to cook and what they have done for us before, but with me in the house.

They wouldn't be left unsupervised at school while doing cooking or experiments.

Helga
I honestly think if they have cooked it before they would be fine, giving them a task to do (the cooking) would focus them and prevent them bickering.

If you are concerned about the moving boiling water aspect, the most dangerous aspect in my opinion, then just get them to do the sauce and you can finish it off with the pasta when you get back, pasta is best eaten when just cooked so there is little point in them doing it in advance anyway.

How old are your children?

Maturity is really important, but are they old enough / mature enough to be able to cope with someone getting badly cut, or burned or a small fire breaking out?
By the time they are 16, they should be.
By the time they are 12, you should be able to leave them to do basic stuff in the kitchen, whilst just being somewhere in the house in case of an accident or emergency.

Yes I would be happy to let them cook unsupervised whilst you are out, as long as you are confident in their abilities and know that if something were to happen that they are able to deal with it.
e.g if cut finger can they do basic first aid.
If spilt boiling water on themselves, do they know how to treat it or would they be confident calling an ambulance etc. (obviously an extreme example but you know what I mean ).

Thanks Hairspray that is a good idea.

We did at that age. DC and a mate went out and bought ingredients then I went to their mate's mum's house for G&T while the three of them cooked. Came back when they phoned to tell us it was ready. The result was just about edible and they were very proud of themselves.

Banana daughter is 13, son is 12, so in my opinion just on the cusp of the right age. My daughter is competent but a worrier who I think would panic a bit if something did go wrong. Son would panic less, but is also a bit more easily distracted.

Go out, but put a phone in the kitchen with your number ready to go on it.
Make sure they know where the first aid kit is, and what to do in the event of a fire. How to deal with a burn.
And threaten them that there must be no arguing. Make sure neither think they are in charge, but both know their responsibilities.

The first time is always the hardest.