13 and 12 year olds cooking dinner unsupervised

[HelgaHufflepuff76]

I've encouraged both my dc to cook from a young age. Dd likes to bake and ds prefers to make salads and pizzas. However, I have only let them do any cooking while supervised by an adult.

Today Dh was about to go out and asked if I wanted to come along (would have been gone about half an hour) I said no because I was about to begin cooking dinner. He then suggested that the kids could cook the dinner while we were out. The cooking he wanted them to do would've been simple, but involving the cooker and sharp knives, which they know how to use safely.

Both kids are sensible and mature so I don't mind leaving them at home for short periods, but leaving them cooking doesn't seem right to me. He thinks I'm overprotective and that most kids should be doing this kind of thing unsupervised at their age.

So AIBU or is he?

It depends on the child. I was able to bake a cake or make something like pasta when I was around 12.

My brother, around 17 at the time, set fire to the grill while making sausages

My DD started to cook dinner on her own at 13 . I realised she was competent when she was bringing stuff home from food tech lessons that was yum. now her repertoire includes macaroni cheese, spa bol and chicken chow mein. i'd let them cook with you in the house first and see how it goes.

Yes, it's interesting because dh's attitude is 'I did that at their age' but there's plenty of things we both did as kids that would be very much frowned upon now!

It depends whats for dinner, DS(12) has cooked dinner unsupervised but isn't allowed to use the frying pan without supervision. he makes brilliant pasta bakes, I wouldn't tell him he had to cook dinner so i could go out though, I might ask if he wouldn't mind but I'd feel guilty making him if he said he didn't want to.

Oh and she's been baking independently since about 11/12. She washes up too but I usually have to go over it again afterwards when she's not looking

Obviously I wouldn't let them loose with a cleaver

You should watch junior masterchef. Nine year olds cooking beef wellington and making their own pasta!

I was doing it at that age as I was a carer for my parents.

Like others have said, totally depends on the child, their ability to ask for help and not argue. If normally cooking, do they come and check for reassurance, even when they know what they're doing?

Why don't you do an trail run? Leave them to cook unsupervised whilst you both sit in the garden with a large glass of wine.

Don't make a big deal about it, and see how they got on with it.

Yes, it's interesting because dh's attitude is 'I did that at their age' but there's plenty of things we both did as kids that would be very much frowned upon now!
Maybe it. Is also worth actually wondering if the fact it is frowned upon has some truth into it or not.

Nowdays we have the tendency of mollocoting our dcs and treating them as if they weren't able to do anything by themselves for a very long time until they leave home. I really don't think we are doing them any favour there at all TBH.
Other stuff such as not hitting a child with a belt is very certainly an appropriate way forward!

It's not the cooking unsupervised as such that would concern me - its dropping pan of boiling water, or a knife through the foot or something, then them being alone to deal with that.

I think it is good for them if you absent yourself occasionally - given a known set of rules and boundaries of course - it sometimes take the absence of a parent to actually kick start them in to thinking for themselves ifyswim.

Thinking about this some more, I would very happily leave my dd to cook as she is very responsible when alone, but with her friends she gets very giddy and silly atm.

Op - if they bicker like most siblings, is the older one responsible enough to keep calm and keep her eye on the job?

Wow. I grew up in a country where we had a maid who prepared our meals for us and I'd have had less than zero clue how to cook dinner at 12! In fact I remember seeing my 14yo cousin start to prepare pasta once and I was intrigued (at age 16) I'd let them have a try op.

Another one who has to cook meals from 10/11 due to family circumstances so yes, I think a bit of pasta at 13 is fine

I'd let mine cook if I was in the house but not if I was going to be out. They could chop the vegetables and stuff ready for cooking when I got back though.

My eldest is responsible but is also a bit of a worrier. Normally when either of them cook I leave them to it and often go in the other room. Usually they'll call to ask where something is or to check they've done something right.
If all went to plan it would be fine, but obviously there's a chance it wouldn't and kitchens are dangerous places.

I think I will take the advice given and let them have a trial run one day while I go in the garden or something.

Thanks everyone

I personally wouldn't want them doing it while I was out of the house. Unsupervised while I'm in another room, fine, because if one of them chops their finger off or starts a pan-fire, I can run and help. But if I'm out and something goes seriously wrong (which can happen to anyone, children or adults, no matter how long they've been cooking) then a panicking child may not always know how to respond as well as an adult would.

My 2 can do it fine. They aren't allow to use hot oil (toast potatoes, deep fat fry).

Dd was baking cakes unsupervised in y5. Her younger sibling is in y6 and can cook pasta (knows to use smallest Pan possible because of weight) and stir fry noodles.

Look at junior bakeoff and see what they're doing age 9/10/11.

I'd be happy to leave my children doing that, they'd be very happy to do it too. But they also know what to do in an emergency (fire: leave the house, call for help, chop off a finger: wrap in a tea towel, call for help, turn oven off, burn: sling it under a tap for ten minutes). If I didn't think they could do that, I wouldn't leave them to it. But I think it's such a great thing to be able to do...

This, and the what does your 10yo do?, thread, are why I get so annoyed at the 'my interns/students/school pupils require constant supervision and are nowhere near as self sufficient as I was at that age x years ago'

chop off a finger: wrap in a tea towel, call for help

(And put the finger on ice!!)

I think if they're used to cooking and the bickering is only bickering (not actual fighting) then all good!

DD is nearly 10 and does scrambled/boiled eggs, and cheese on toast/oven stuff unsupervised. I don't let her use sharp knives on her own though as she isn't confident enough with them yet.

CrazedZombie when I first read your post I thought it said 'my 2 year old can do it'

😂 I was lucky if they are anything that wasn't breakfast cereal when they were age 2.

I think I cooked my first roast dinner on my own at 11 but my mum was upstairs on bedrest so I ran up and down getting instructions and in an emergency she was there.

Not sure - my 8yo cooks regularly but not unsupervised because I don't trust his knife skills yet, though they should be decent by the time he's 12/13. Unsupervised yes, completely at home alone...not sure

As ever though, you know your children best and I think this is the age where some children would be more than capable and others you wouldn't trust to make a milkshake