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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this woman I keep bumping in to?

53 replies

user1487941567 · 26/04/2017 11:16

This is a very minor aibu. Grin This woman must live close to us, I see her walking down the road quite a lot.

Incident 1;
I had just had my DS and was BFing in a local cafe. She was there with her little daughter who is very cute but quite obviously totally spoiled. I have just sat down, starting to try and latch baby so I have one boob out, a crying newborn and am wrestling a coverup as well. Her DD comes right up close to me to the point where I could be BFing them both. She sat in my lap. Asks me why is your booby so red? I laughed and said loudly so the mum might intervene, I am trying to get the baby some food at the moment sweetheart, maybe you could give us some room? Then she's trying to cuddle the baby as I'm latching him, kissing his head, almost pulled him off at one point. I looked to the mum who had an inane smile on her face and she said "oh I am pregnant too so she is curious". She didn't ask the little girl to sit down at her table or move or give us a moment or anything. I sort of shifted in my chair and got DS on and then he was covered by the coverup so we had a bit of a chat about local hospitals. Then the little girl started crying about not seeing the baby and I said I'm sorry darling but he is having his milk. Child erupted and mum turned to absolute ice and just wouldn't talk to me again. Pulled daughter away and turned her back to me Confused

Incident 2;
Walking along narrow street, i see her ahead of me, we both have buggies. A family ahead of me were walking and sort of tried to move in for her but not totally as it's a really narrow walk way. This woman refused to stop and the family then walked in the road to let her past and as she passed me (I pulled in to a garden path) she said "too right, hoe rude these people are not to let a buggy past" or similar. But they had let her pass Confused

Incident 3;
Her eldest (the why is your booby so red one) is on the monkey bars. My son is also on the monkey bars. He waits while she has 3/4 turns and then goes to have his go. He's nervous to go anyway as he's scared of heights. She starts shouting that it's not his turn, he has to wait, he's not allowed on the monkey bars etc. Mum and this time Dad are stood there, again with inane looks on their faces smiling at the precious daughter. In absense of any input from them, I said to DS to just go and ignore her as he'd waited nicely, but he doesn't like doing that so tried to rationalise with her saying that she'd had plenty of goes and it was his turn now. After about 5 mins of this and her taking turn after turn, he just took his go. The little girl started screaming and crying actual tears that he wasn't allowed and how DARE he go when she was there first. I went to say to the mum, look be fair, she's had loads of turns and was telling him he wasn't allowed which isn't that nice, but Dad had bundled the child off in his arms and was halfway off across the playground comforting her. Mum gave me a cold stare and walked off.

Have I BU in any of these instances? Or this woman and her husband just entitled and rude? I am going to make sure to say something next time we have any interaction as I am sure this won't be the last time given how often I seem to see her.

OP posts:
IloveBanff · 26/04/2017 12:00

highinthesky "She's self-centred and rude. What's the betting she's an only child herself?"

What a fucking cheek! I'm an only child, as is my husband, as is our daughter. None of us have ever behaved like this and never will. None of us were spoilt in the slightest and we are polite, considerate and unselfish.
I am not only peeved by your comment, I am miffed as well! Angry

ClarkeyCat · 26/04/2017 12:09

She's self-centred and rude. What's the betting she's an only child herself?

How ridiculous.

BlueBlueElectricBlue · 26/04/2017 12:11

What's the betting she's an only child herself?

Oh do piss off.

Spadequeen · 26/04/2017 12:12

Yanbu, the other parents are. No matter how many times you explain to them in simple easy to use words that they are being ridiculous, they will never change

Their daughter will be the same as will any subsequent children.

I would avoid them and teach your children how to cope with nutters like them.

RomanticWalksToTheFridge · 26/04/2017 12:29

I'm an only and I would never behave like that either.

In fact, as my parents did, I tend to find that alot of parents of only are so hyper-aware of the stereotype that they are very careful to raise children who are good at sharing and well socialised.

HectorPlasm · 26/04/2017 12:31

What's the betting she's an only child herself?

Thanks for insulting my son

RhiWrites · 26/04/2017 12:36

What bad luck you keep running into her.

I think from now on if smile, nod and encourage your child to play away from hers. It's not worth the aggro.

BadTasteFlump · 26/04/2017 12:45

IME you don't have to be an only child to be a PITA Grin

Benedikte2 · 26/04/2017 12:49

I would be worried if my child lacked boundaries to the extent that she climbed onto complete strangers laps. Some might see this as cute and confident but it is actually not "normal" in child development terms. Such behaviour is most often linked to attachment problems such as an insecure attachment. Also a symptom of LD, but this doesn't appear to be the case here. Is a safety issue as makes her more vulnerable to future abuse.
I would have asked her mother to retrieve her daughter and, as another poster has suggested, talk to her through my child. Mother will need to get used to other Parents telling her that her daughter's behaviour is unacceptable.

DancingLedge · 26/04/2017 13:40

I'm now pretty sure you live near my DB and SIL.

They were possessed by aliens in the delivery suite. For your own sanity, walk in the opposite direction.

toffeeboffin · 26/04/2017 13:43

She sounds one to avoid.

Is there another cafe you can go to instead?

toffeeboffin · 26/04/2017 13:44

And Loki is right : a total stranger climbing on your lap?

A Hmm stare at the kid would do the trick.

FlaviaAlbia · 26/04/2017 13:48

highinthesky so what's your explanation for OP's child (who until their sibling is born is an only) not behaving like this? Confused is there some kind of time travelling manners fairy in your world who blesses children at birth if they're going to have siblings?

TitaniasCloset · 26/04/2017 13:57

The bf incident would have made me so uncomfortable.

The parents are entitled weirdos. Try to avoid. I know a little girl who has been spoilt Luke this and her behaviour now, she is ten, is so bad that other children refuse to play with her. She has also come very close to hurting her baby brother too, throwing toys out of windows trying to hit him.

CoraPirbright · 26/04/2017 14:01

Good grief!! They all sound utterly utterly ghastly but I cant help feeling a tiny bit sorry for them (or is it schadenfreude?!). If the mum is pregnant again, their lives are about to go tits up pretty spectacularly. They have managed to turn their little girl into a hideous brat by their endlessly indulgent behaviour and the arrival of a baby/rival for attention is going to turn her into the spawn of the devil.

Piffpaffpoff · 26/04/2017 14:07

I feel your pain. There was someone like this at one of my DCs gym classes, hogging the equipment, letting their child have 2 or 3 shots of each piece while a huge q formed behind them (you were supposed to go round it all obstacle-course style, traversing one thing at a time, once). In my experience, there's no rationalising or discussing with them, they are committed to letting their precious little one go at their pace and speed and don't like to be negative - I moved classes! (But I am a wimp!)

HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/04/2017 14:19

Oh god, are they practising that waffly parenting where they don't ever say no to their child and everything is thought of as the child just being curious/exploring? A load of shite. Be a sodding parent to your child fgs.

I would have shoved the child off my lap OK I wouldn't but I don't like anyone touching me, other than my own children, I wouldn't have been extremely pissed off at the lap climbing and generally being bothered by someone else's child. I find a nice death stare to the child usually makes them leave or a polite but firm, ok back to your own table now. Some parents think their little angel is universally adored. Well they aren't. I'd never let my DCs bother anyone else and I have a very friendly (over friendly) DD who is far too trusting to strangers so I am always ready to whip her away if I think she is crossing the line.

You should just keep on as you are OP. Blank them all, don't indulge the child and pretend the parents aren't there, just carry on doing your thing. They have to learn that not everyone is enamoured with little Jocasta (would be funny if this was actually her name).

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 26/04/2017 15:03

OP, I'm not a parent myself, so afraid nothing from experience to add.

Just wanted to comment, though, re an upthread assumption that a self-centred/ rude child is bound to be an only:

have just totted up that, currently, I know 6 only DC (ages 3.5-11).
Without exception, they're the least spoilt kids you could wish to meet, precisely because their parents have to deal so frequently with that unfair misconception.
In fact, they go to huge efforts in ensuring their DC are sharers, and made aware of considering other kids' feelings/ turn-taking etc.

Having siblings doesn't automatically guarantee selflessness.
It can sometimes have entirely the opposite effect: the most arrogant, self-absorbed adult I've known since childhood (when he and his sisters behaved exactly the same, so constant arguments) was one of 3.
His parents taught them from day 1 that seizing every opportunity before anyone else got a look-in was the only way to go, and he hasn't changed since.

Wedrine4me · 26/04/2017 15:14

I certainly wouldn't have let a strange child sit on my lap. Op you are going to have to learn to stand up for yourself and for your DS.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 26/04/2017 15:17

"They were possessed by aliens in the delivery suite..."

Grin Dancing, great line!

(Unless you seriously meant a good relationship with your DB & SIL has since been wrecked, in which case I'm sorry).

KingLooieCatz · 26/04/2017 15:23

@highinthesky: She's self-centred and rude. What's the betting she's an only child herself?

Ah, you all got there before me. DSIL, only child and the most mild-mannered and considerate person you'll care to meet. DS, only child, and by a country-mile better mannered than his cousin on the other side, youngest of three.

DancingLedge · 26/04/2017 15:34

zuzu They were always a touch tricky, which you could overlook as they were interesting people.

But the personality change that came with the birth of PFB was so extreme, that on one level being amused whilst backing away seems the only option.

I once met someone in a completely different context, in another part of the country, who described the same thing happening with some friends. Turned out, It was them!

ElBandito · 26/04/2017 15:48

highinthesky I'm an only child and so is DS. We both know how to take turns. According to OP the mother is pregnant and the girl will have a sibling so I'm sure she will magically change for the better soon Hmm
OP just sigh and roll your eyes at her and hope your children are different ages so they don't end up in the same class at school.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 26/04/2017 16:00

Dancing,

That does sound tricky to deal with.
Hope time improves things a bit for you...perhaps as your DN/ DNephew gets older x

Isadora2007 · 26/04/2017 16:11

Sorry OP I totally missed that she actually climbed onto you. I had visualised her being up at your shoulder/elbow whilst feeding baby. Sorry! You're right to think that is well OTT.

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