Holy fecking hell, Dtwat is 'being useful' and I am on the verge of killing him. Seriously 😑😑😑

[BastardBloodAndSand]

The bloody sighing, huffing and moaning is ridiculous.

He's painting the dining room, first of all he gathered all coats, shoes etc (( the.general shite that was dumped in there )) and threw them in the living room. He didn't throw stuff in bin bags or wait for me to come home and ask for help relocating. Nope, I came home to stuff EVERYWHERE and a step ladder jauntily perched on top.

And don't even get me started on the martyrism, all offers of help have of course been refused so he can continue making as much noise as possible as he struts round BEING useful.

And now, I've just nearly killed myself walking into to put his tea out (( he was too busy being noisily useful to deign himself to venturing into the room next door )) when I skidded in a huge patch of water. What did you expect ? He says, I'm washing down the skirting boards. Yep, those things of the fucking WALL. Not the middle of the.damn floor.

It's a 12.foot square room ffs, if he hadn't spent the past 3 days strutting round doing some sort of I'm being useful mating ritual it would have been done on day one.

I'll end up drowning the fool in a tub of dulux white before the weeks out I swear I will. 😑😑😑

I feel your pain. No minor DIY task in our house can be carried out without a major ordeal and plenty of swearing.

Bastard share a bottle of wine with me
'D'H has been painting our minuscule hallway for a fortnight now and yet no paint has actually gone near the walls so far because of the endless bastarding sanding that apparently needs doing first!

Has he not heard of a handheld power sander?

Oh no because the skirting, the wall, the door frame and the door all apparently require a different way of being sanded I could cheerfully sand him

Nope, we saw nothing, we were all together on the night in question, talking about knitting and kittens, no idea what happened to our husbands!

DH is off this week, he did not receive praise for doing the food shop yesterday and removing a door handle. Today he did some diy in our bathroom, did he remove everything or cover it in dust sheets, nope, he looked very disappointed with my lack of enthusiasm.. not surprising when I got home to find the washing unironed and the kitchen a mess, both of which he told me to leave to him yesterday so I could relax.

Oh god. This is why I sort of prefer to do it myself - if DH starts a job there will be no clearing away first, just random different ways for items to be ruined as paint, dirt, solvents go everywhere. And then there will be no final cleaning up either.

I get it's tedious- but it's more tedious to assume someone else will be the grown-up about sorting the shit bits.

Sorry OP. Use a dust sheet when you off him, Dexter-style. At least all the equipment is right there. I'll be your alibi!

Oh God, did this entail a lengthy prepainting trip to a B and Q store (other hardware stores are available)? My husband refuses to pay tradesmen to any DIY tasks as it will be 'too expensive' but then goes and buys new tools etc first, takes fecking ages to do the job, and he leaves things 90% done at best.Grrrrrr.

😂😂😂 I feel your pain!
Mine is sat next to me making a meal out of booking a ferry, full on swearing at himself, tutting and huffing.
He then rang them to complain that they are now making vans go on as commercial freight 😂

Bloody hell, I thought it was just my DH who did this. Whenever a job needs doing, I call him half-a-job as it never gets finished.

oh god I hate the preparation!! I used to be able to decorate my (large) flat over the course of a week. Now we always need to buy new tools etc before any DIY job can be done - I've give up.
He hasn't loaded a load of washing or made a meal off his own bat in 20 years though so what am I expecting..............

This is why I do all the DIY in our house, I am much more efficient DP knows he isn't allowed to help unless it's something really really heavy or so high up that I can't reach.

Haha I hear you! DH cleans before he's even tidied up. It's a skill I tell you!

Things were looking up, I saw him carrying a paintbrush and tray about an hour ago...but no, back to the sanding 😂

Every time I mention us doing the house (every spring) he starts the sanding talk. It puts me right off... I'd rather the house remain in it's shabby chic state.

See, this is why I married a painter and decorator unfortunately the fucker is crap at all other menial tasks 😁

Dragon, D fool does this too. I come home to a shithole of a kitchen and a load of badly washed dishes because he hasn't bothered to clean the bloody sink and drainer first 😑😑😑

DH always needs a handmaiden. Whereas I can miraculously do pretty much anything in the house/garden unaided, for DH there is no task too small to need input from me. Then he complains I micro-manage him

DH is so refreshing, here. He's crap at cutting in and leaves a mess everywhere, but he just gets on with it, so i don't mind getting the magic eraser out to clean the bathroom sink, yet again.

Ex might have lifted a paintbrush up once or twice. He's tall and useful and vastly superior to my shortarse genes, you see. Only he got more paint on the fucking ceiling than the walls.

I bought some good tall ladders, swallowed my vertigo, and did the rest myself.

Many years ago my now ex husband painted our hall, stairwell and landing. I spent hours the night before covering all the lovely varnished wooden skirting boards, picture rails, bannister. He was on holiday, I took toddler to nursery, went to work, picked up toddler from nursery after work, and arrived back just as husband and the pal who'd helped him were leaving. They waved and said that was them just finished, and they were going for a pint. Well done, says I.

Opened the front door to a scene of devastation! Walls were painted, yes. Also paint splashes all over my carefully covered woodwork, and actually puddles of paint on the carpet!!!

Grabbed toddler before he started paddling in the emulsion, and took him to a neighbour to look after while I cleared up the mess. Was bloody raging!

Fortunately, we had accidental damage cover on our home insurance. He was most indignant about me putting in a claim, for some reason. When the loss adjuster came to inspect the damage, he asked why he hadn't put sheets down to protect the flooring. Told him there were sheets down (I put them down before I left in the morning) but that for reasons known only to himself he had chosen to pour paint onto the floor.

And you know how dust gathers on the wall about a radiator? I didn't have time to clear that away, so I reminded him to do that before he started painting. Once I was able to raise my eyes from the emulsion carpet, I noticed what looked like magnolia coloured furry caterpillars at the top of the wall about the radiator. That what happened when you paint dust with a roller.

Aaaaargh!

And I wasn't allowed to criticise, because he'd painted the hall!

Divorce is a wonderful thing!

My EXH once proceeded to demolish a small wall with a huge lump hammer. On the wall was a shelf, a shelf full of my ornaments! All broken. Surely preparation would have included clearing the area?

Another time he cleaned out the extractor hood at 1pm on Sunday during lunch prep. All the dirt, spiders and broken glass from the splintered glass bulb fell onto the food. aaagghhh

drowning the fool in a tub of dulux white ...

No good in this house, he has a nervy b choosing the shade of white. "Ethyl, there are 58 shades of white, which do I choose? Oh god, please help me".

I'm going to find out what noise a cast iron frying pan makes when it comes down on his head.

Curvy, my friends husband helpfully washed her sofa covers then proceeded to knock down a wall whilst they were still wet.......yep, all the dust stuck to then like shit to a blanket.

This is why I do all the painting in our house. Dh is willing to do it but takes so long it drives me nuts.

When we moved in the whole house needed decorating. He started painting the smallest bedroom at the same time I started our bedroom which is twice the size. I'd finished the walls which needed two coats and started painting the woodwork before dh had got one, very patchy, coat of paint on. He'd spent hours putting masking tape on the skirting board and edges of the ceiling before starting, and still managed to get paint on the ceiling. Whereas I just went slow near the corners and ceiling and used a small brush for cutting in which was much quicker.

Now I wait till he's safely at work before I start decorating and it's done in half the time and looks just as good. The only decorating he does is one wall in the hallway because I can't reach and hate using a ladder over a big drop.

The handmaiden thing! Why does every job however small sometimes end up
Involving me?!?! If he just got on with it it'd be done in half the time without assistance....

Power tools, fucking power tools, not only do they all come out they are left out while he nips to b&q for accessories for the beloveds then huffs, puffs, swears and sweats over putting up a shelf then pours a glass of wine while I shobe said beloveds back in their homes and find space for their new friends...