Returning to work after a baby - how different was it?

[Twentyten2010]

I'm due to return to work in a few months and popped in to see everyone today. I really enjoyed it and was great catching up and engaging my brain, but it made me wonder how it's going to be when I return?

Prior to mat leave, I was an 'arrive early, stay late' worker and I think this was instrumental in me getting a promotion. I certainly won't be able to do this when I go back. I was also always 'switched on' and quite sharp and I worry that I'll either lose my edge or that it'll all seem inconsequential when I have a baby at home.

So how did you find it? Did you manage to slot back in seamlessly? Or were you always playing catch up with yourself?

I was a serious overworker before mat leave - almost never left on time, usually the one locking up.

It was a bit sobering to realise when I went back part-time and made my full days 8hr days instead of 10-12 hr days, it didn't actually reduce my productivity that much. I must have burned hours just fucking around before...

Well it was nice to get the money again but I give much much less of a shit with each baby I've had LOL and when I go back all my stuff has been handled by other people so I've been able to cherry pick what I actually like doing! It's perfect. Apart from the getting up early.

I didn't find it hard really, enjoyed being back using my brain and the challenge of wanting to be successful to support my family. I changed jobs between DC1 and 2 and again found things ok. I go in, get on with my job, but also try and ensure I do have time for team drinks etc from time to time.

Never did go back, my youngest is 17.

If you do drop offs in the morning and your DH does pick ups, then you have to accept you will be missing bedtime sometimes if you want your career to progress/stay interesting.
Your work will accept you arriving later than everybody else in the morning but only if you also stay later / are flexible in the evening.

Also, ideally agree with your DH that days off for illnesses are to be shared between both of you.

If you can afford a nanny it will certainly make things easier.

But you will be as good or as bad as your job as you were before.

Hands up and being honest, I'm not sure I am. My cognitive function has suffered enormously with having my son. I'm a scientist, I work in a very demanding clinical trial role, so I'm supposed to be smart. Before , I was smart. Now, after 18m of not sleeping more than an hour in a row I honestly feel like I have some kind of brain damage. I struggle for words, I grasp for words sometime - that worries me. I can't concentrate. I can't focus. I'm exhausted. I'm just no good. 🙁

If I wasn't sure (ish) that it was predominantly sleep deprivation as the root cause I would honestly be down my GP gettingvthem to rule out stroke or early onset dementia, it's that bad. I'm really worried about it

Like you OP, I was a long hours high achieving type. I really struggled adapting to a normal day - don't fall into the trap of doing those extra hours between 8-2am like me! I have got over it and am much more sensible with DC2! You will slit back in fine at work. I think transition to school is harder due to the change in hours and wraparound care issues. I agree re making sure your DP signs up for 50:50 (we took turns working at home today in snatches of a few hours as DC2 ill at home)

I wouldn't be where I am in my career had I not had kids. It made me more focussed to get my work done in my part time hours, much more efficient because I had to leave on time, and much more minded to go for promotions and new roles because we needed the money! It gave me a drive I didnt have before.