To be so despondent at how unlikely my daughter's attacker will even get to court *Trigger warning*

[Beyondworried]

The more I find out the more unlikely it seems the shit who raped her will not even be charged.
Am trying to reman upbeat for her.
The statistics are truly shocking. Am wondering why it is even illegal if it so fucking hard to even get someone charged.
Sorry..... am having my own pity party.
My wonderful, funny, kind DD is starting out in her adult life having to deal with this.
Maybe I should exact my own retribution..... it would be worth the jail time

As far as I'm concerned the law facilitates rape as long as it is behind closed doors and the rapist is careful not to leave evidence. My DD has been so brave but why the fuck SHOULD she have to be brave. She has been the victim of a nasty, horrible assault and all because she was trying to look out for and protect a friend.

As far as I'm concerned the law facilitates rape

I agree. And yet so many people think there are women out their making false accusations in their droves. It makes me terrified for my daughters as they get older

YANBU. I was molested at 8 by a young man legally of age. My parents pressed charges but nothing ever came of it. He did go to court eventually after some more offences. Dad found out years later the man's father was a 'protected' pedo.

Been thinking about you and your darling girl Beyond, was so hoping that this wasn't your thread

I've not got any words of advice, but I'm wishing you strength xx

So sorry for your DD .

A few hours ago I watched a documentary about Soham. As it happened 15 years ago the local police had no information about several underage sex and rape accusations in different areas against the murderer. It was implied that nowadays better communications would mean that suspicions against him would have shown up on his record. I hope that this is truly the case.

This is so awful, makes me sick to think people can get away with it just because it may come down to 'he said, she said' if there is no forensic evidence/behind closed doors.
I would never say that people have never made false or mistaken accusations (obviously not the case here) but the current system seems to weigh heavily in the favour of the perpetrator simply because of the fact that very very rarely people do make false/mistaken accusations against an innocent person.
That is very unfair for that individual and a scummy thing to do, but if treating the majority of cases, who are genuine victims, like this is standard is it any wonder that women won't come forward about what they have suffered.
If I knew someone who had attacked me would likely not see the inside of a prison cell or face any punishment, to be free in my area after knowing I accused them.... I can't 100% say I would report it. I think OPs DD has been incredibly brave and the sad thing is she shouldn't have to be so brave.
She should be able to live her life without some scumbag deciding they want to use women like that and she sure as hell shouldn't have to worry that her attacker might not face punishment because the burden of proof falls on her! And she be able to have confidence that when she did report this that it was taken deadly seriously and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

Recent campaigns in schools and Unis (that I've seen) seem to be trying to educate more about what rape is, there is one about a cup of tea which I thought was good.
I think that lots of young (and old) men sometimes genuinely think that what they did doesn't amount to rape/other sexual assault, it's totally wrong and unacceptable in all cases, but the amount of things that would get brushed off as 'banter' or being 'lads' seem to being taken more seriously by schools and universities at least (that I've seen anyway, can't speak for everywhere obviously). Even with regards to women, because women can be the perpetrator as well, there is awareness being raised about that as well.

my ex raped me. it was the sickeningly low convictions prospect that made me adamant not to report it as i couldnt handle the torment of making a statement about it to then hav it go nowhere. it puts victims off

Beyondworried, you are right the whole system is very biased in favour of the rapist. The only way the will change is pressure from society to change it.

I'm not sure what your daughter experienced with respect to the reporting process. My experience, many many years ago, was not really acceptable (poor follow up, little investigation, forget and move on). That must also be improved hugely.

Regardless, I think your daughter is brave and doing the right thing. It's certainly not justice (honestly if it were me I'd hang the bastard!) but it does bring him to the attention of people, he will be on their radar for future offences, and with the evolution of systems like CODIS he should be traceable in the future.
www.fbi.gov/services/laboratory/biometric-analysis/codis/codis-and-ndis-fact-sheet

And for OP just to let you know that there is a positive outcome for many afterwards, like with WhooooAmI24601 ... It was difficult, but over time I also continued to have a very happy and successful life, great career, wonderful DH, kids, etc.

Thanks for the responses.
Am starting to think that this:
(poor follow up, little investigation, forget and move on)
.... is becoming evident.

I think it may be the case that we need to sort some counselling out and start to look at helping her to move on. She knows the issues around getting a rape conviction so I am hoping counselling will help her come to terms with it. My main worry is she bumps into the shithead as we ,live in a large town with a smallish city centre where all the pubs and bars etc are located.

I believe her, my close friends and family believe her so hopefully this will be enough.
I cannot even begin to out into words the hatred I feel for that pitiful shitting excuse for a 'man'. I know it will subside eventually. I would recognise him if I saw him so lets hope for his sake my DH, my friends and me do not ever run into him in town.
My dear, precious child.

You sound like a really wonderful Mum. Hope you're daughter is coping ok and really hope she gets justice.

I'm so sorry you are both going through this. YNBU. As they say 'the law is an ass'.

I sympathise entirely with you being despondent (I reported something that happened to my DD and the police told me from the off that its unlikely to get to court - well yes it is if you don't even bother bloody looking for the offenders and bloody charging them! ).

Can you contact the rape crisis centre yourself and get your daughter referred OP? If you have the strength. Keep pushing for her.

I have worked in courts and seen some ridiculous cases which should never have been passed by the CPS get through, and also saw, some pretty dangerous people walk free. It's beyond frustrating and makes a mockery of the justice system.

Sending love and strength to you both OP.

It was implied that nowadays better communications would mean that suspicions against him would have shown up on his record.

Sadly not always the case.