DS is just over 12 months old. Ex of seven years left me five months into my pregnancy and, after two months of abusive and horrible messages from his family and absolutely nothing good from him, I've not heard a thing from any of them since. DS and I have a lovely little life together, he goes to nursery while I work full time and even though money is tight, we have lots of family and friends close by so DS is absolutely surrounded by positivity and love.
This weekend I received a message from ex's mum (took me a while to realise who it was all I'd blocked and deleted all numbers so she obviously got a new one) telling me that ex has decided that he wants to meet DS and I have no right to stop him and that they all have a right to see DS. I haven't responded, but my first initial knee-jerk reaction was to type out a furious message saying who in their right mind would allow somebody who actively chose to not be involved in their child's life anywhere near them?!
Am I being unreasonable to tell them to sod the fuck off and to stay away from DS?
AIBU?
To tell them to stay away
Madammim17 · 24/04/2017 11:31
Sedona That's exactly how I feel.
BurningBright That's a good positive story to hear and I'm glad it's worked out well. I don't think my ex would make that much of an effort, his dad only stayed 'for the kids' and was hailed a hero for it but it was obvious that he stayed because he knew having to see the kids outside of the family home would have been too much hard work, and I feel that he would be the same.
HappyFlappy Hahaha I wish there was such a thing! You could be right, though it does make me feel very wary because there's been so much done to block and hide all aspects of my life, and I'm always aware out in public for people who could say something so yeah, been fortunate up until now it seems 
user and peanut great posts, thank you
LilacPoint I really hope he wouldn't but that is the fear 
At the time they were asking what I'd tell my son when he found out I was 'depriving' him and 'preventing' them, and my response was I'd always tell him the truth and I mean that completely, but I'm scared he wouldn't understand and would hate me for trying to protect him.
Yes make him work for it OP (if it is him instigating this) and respond that he is welcome to apply for contact through the courts which will include child maintenance payments being made.
I would certainly not let him (or his family) have casual contact without a court order in place due to their history of being abusive.
You have not created this situation, he has, so any guilt is misplaced 
.
TheDevil That seems dreadfully unfair that by ignoring a text from ex's mum, I could look bad in the eyes of a court
Had a similar situation myself.
ExH abandoned me during my pregnancy, never contributed a penny and he and his family ignored me. Until a week before my due date when his Mum turned up crying. Bullied me into allowing ExH at the birth... I said only if he talks to me first, he's ignored me for months. He turned up the next day drunk as fuck screaming at me. They both turned up at the birth a few days later 
He was around for 7 weeks. Then disappeared. As did his family. His mother rolled up again when DS was 7 months old, crying again, admitting she'd forced ExH to be there, that he'd disappeared (something he does regularly) that she'd found proof he'd been lying (basically he'd started mediation when DS was 6 months but only went to one appointment then stopped cooperating but had told his Mum I wasn't cooperating 
) that she wants to see Grandson and doesn't care what ExH is upto, that he's not fit to be a parent anyway cos she'd found drugs and loads of empty whiskey bottles in his bedroom, she'd been through his FB and found loads of proof of other stuff too. For example he wasn't paying her board because CMS were taking half his wages... Utter bollocks she found all the enforcement letters because he's not paid (still hasn't, it's been 14 months and he's doing a great job of dodging it)
Anyway soft twat here says okay you can see DS, once a week, at my house, with my supervision for a few hours.
She came 6 times. And then went back to pretending DS didn't exist. Because ExH had suddenly reappeared after a 10 week abscence.
I never got an explanation from her.
Like Worra suggests to you, I made sure all my interaction was reasonable and documented. I bent over backwards in fact.
Should they ever darken my doorstep again I'll point them to court where I will fight tooth and nail to keep them away.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Mombie2016 My god, that's absolutely awful! You poor thing, I can't believe they turned up at the birth! My parents (mum was my birth partner) were ready to turn into attack Rottweilers at the possibility of that happening and luckily it never did, but that must have been so terrible to deal with. What a pair of assholes, sounds like you are both well rid. I take it you and DS are happy and settled? I feel the same way as you in terms of fighting tooth and nail to be honest; I don't see how anybody can just suddenly 'change' their mind about wanting to care about or love their own child after wanting nothing to do with them
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.