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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Road rage

41 replies

CruCru · 23/04/2017 18:17

A couple of days ago, I was driving back from a children's tourist attraction. To go where I was going, I had to turn right onto a country road (one that has a 60 speed limit but where you wouldn't go at 60 for much of it).

There was a massive gap between cars so I pulled in and accelerated. Once I'd got to nearly 40, the car behind me came right up behind me and then tried to overtake but there were cars on the opposite side of the road so he had to pull in again (with some screeching brakes).

Once he came up behind me, I didn't accelerate any more as it was clear that he wanted to overtake.

Once the road was clear, he overtook and did the "wanker" gesture. Then got to the temporary traffic lights so he had to sit at those for a couple of minutes with me right behind him (he did that thing where he sat with his head turned so it was obvious that he was glaring at me in the rear view mirror). He had a dented old Mazda so I assume that he's had a few scrapes in it, unless it belongs to someone else.

Afterwards, I had wondered whether I had done something wrong (mainly because his reaction was so extreme) so I asked a friend who had been in the car behind me (also turning right from the tourist attraction) whether she saw him and she said "Fuck yes, he was a lunatic. Driving really fast and trying to overtake in the face of oncoming traffic". She is a good enough friend that she would tell me if I'd been driving recklessly so that did make me feel better.

However, I've still been pondering it and it's making me feel bad. AIBU? When you experience other people's road rage, do you brush it off or does it stay with you?

OP posts:

drivingmisspotty · 27/04/2017 17:40

Sounds like you were driving safely for the conditions to me. But like you i find it sticks with me sometimes! I think it is that you don't get a chance to defend yourself, and the sheer aggression is something i never see elsewhere in my life. Some days i finish the school run and think i am just not emotionally string enough for driving because there is SO much agro.

(You're all going to think i am a rubbish driver now but i think I'm alright, generally get beeped for being too slow because i am travelling at the speed limit, not pulling out in front of buses at junctions, not running down pedestrians on zebra crossings etc).

gandalfspants · 27/04/2017 17:41

On night years ago when I was a much newer, younger driver I pulled out in front of three men in a van thinking I had plenty of room, but they were going much faster than I thought (and well over the speed limit), so I caused them to brake.

My mistake.

However, their response was to tailgate me for the next 10 miles through country roads, tailgating me and flashing their lights, I slowed down to let them pass safely, sped when that seemed to anger them further, everything. I would have pulled over entirely but I was genuinely scared they would stop too and it would be even worse. Eventually I went round a roundabout three times to get them to go past me and they did.

It's got to be over 10 years now and I still feel a bit sick remembering it.

I admit I get annoyed sometimes when someone is going super slow or pulls out in front of me and makes me brake, but I would never be a dick about it.

wasonthelist · 27/04/2017 17:50

Technically you shouldn't cause anyone else to brake

What tosh and nonsense. Coming up to a junction and turning is technically meaning those behind you have to break.[sic]

It isn't tosh and nonsense - in the context of the OP. Technically you shouldn't pull out from (for example) a Give Way if doing so would cause someone else to have to change speed or direction. Of course this doesn't apply to approaching traffic lights travelling in a line of traffic - but you aren't meant to pull out in front of folk and slow them down - doing that isn't "Giving Way".

RB68 · 27/04/2017 18:02

your actions shouldn't cause other drivers to have to alter their driving in anyway - so merging, give way to the right still applies, people shouldn't have to alter their speed to accommodate you, pulling out same again. Where your actions are as a result f rules of the rd - giveway or lights etc then all is well as they have to obey that as well.

gamerwidow · 27/04/2017 18:06

I laugh it off not my stress it's theirs. If other drivers want to wind themselves up over perceived slights that's their problem not mine.

Elendon · 27/04/2017 18:45

Wasonthelist Tailgating is never acceptable. And technically, all motorists should be prepared to brake.

wasonthelist · 27/04/2017 18:47

Tailgating is never acceptable. And technically, all motorists should be prepared to brake.

I agree, I hate tailgating and I never said it was. Two wrongs don't make a right though.

ForalltheSaints · 27/04/2017 19:23

The man in the old Mazda should not be on the road, end of. I presume the OP did not take his registration, which is more the pity.

eurochick · 27/04/2017 19:33

Elendon, you shouldn't cause other road users to have to change speed or direction as a result of your driving. Obviously this doesn't include stopping for traffic lights and do on.

Sedona123 · 27/04/2017 20:22

YANBU

I hate country roads with the NSL. Most you can only drive safely at 40 to 50 mph for the majority of the road and 60 for a very small part. You then always get a couple of twunts who will tailgate, followed by overtaking you on a blind bend. 😡

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 27/04/2017 20:28

The tailgater was an arsehole, complete agreement there. However, I was always taught that in turning right from a junction on to a main road, you should have a big enough gap that those traveling straight on don't have to brake iyswim. If he had to break you possibly didn't judge his speed or the gap very well.

An arsehole is an arsehole though, even if they were the tiniest bit in the right and he definitely sounds like an aggressive twat.

peukpokicuzo · 28/04/2017 07:10

I was always taught that in turning right from a junction on to a main road, you should have a big enough gap that those traveling straight on don't have to brake iyswim. If he had to break you possibly didn't judge his speed or the gap very well.

But if someone is travelling faster than a safe speed for the road then they will always have to brake when they reach you no matter how big the gap is. The OP reached a reasonable travelling speed before the person behind caught up. They only had to brake because they wanted to go too fast. Under such circumstances saying the OP did wrong is basically agreeing with the road-hog's opinion that they own the road.

So revise your understanding of the rule to in turning from a junction on to a main road, you should have a big enough gap that those traveling straight on at a safe and reasonable speed don't have to brake (and obviously with enough of a gap before someone going faster that they can see you ahead of them with plenty of warning)

aheffalump · 28/04/2017 07:23

I had a great one the other day which I'll share. It's stayed with me too.

We live on a road where cars park on both sides. It's notoriously difficult to get up and down as if there's something coming the other way you have to reverse back up the hill or find a space to pull in (usually a dropped kerb) The speed limit is twenty.

So I pull out of a side road into this road. Almost immediately a motorbike comes up behind me. I hadn't pulled out in front of him, he was doing about 50 mph so caught me up. Drove about a metre behind me revving. I was looking at him in rear view and then noticed a car coming the other way so I pull in to the side of the road to let it pass - just a small space between cars. I wasn't totally pulled in, just drew up slightly to the left using a bit of the space if you see what I mean. He screams past me, into the path of the oncoming cat and she brakes and then shakes her fist and then shakes her head at me about the motorbike driver and smiles when she passes. I drive on. Motorbike driver then does a sharp u turn, drives back down the wrong side of the road directly in front of me and stops in front of my bonnet, I'm obviously forced to stop. Proceeds to shout st me that I should have indicated to draw up to let other car past as 'if someone like him is driving up your arse (quote!) I was 😯 so didn't reply but couldn't believe he was blaming me for his terrible speeding and tailgating. I have never seen anyone indicate when they're just letting another car past in that way - in fact if someone did I'd assume they were turning off or properly trying to park. And if I had indicated it would've made no difference as he was too close to stop behind me anyway.

Unfortunately some drivers are so entitled they just have no sense of basic road etiquette or safety and have to blame everyone else for their choice to drive dangerously.

LurkingHusband · 28/04/2017 09:02

This is one reason why I have a dashcam.

scottishdiem · 28/04/2017 14:33

The driver was being an arse and tailgaiting is just not on.

But you only got to 40 on a 60 and he had caught up with you. So you were going much slower than him (unless you got to 40 really quickly and he was doing 100+) regardless of the gap.

I have driven a lot on rural roads and it does surprise me the number of times I have had to slow down considerably when catching up with people coming out of junctions. Technically you are not supposed to cause other traffic to slow when you turn into that traffic. This doesnt leave room for one driver to make a moral judgement call about how fast someone is doing. Without equipment you cant know. You break the rules when you cause someone else to slow down in that manner.

Doesnt justify the response though but something to be aware of.

wasonthelist · 28/04/2017 14:45

Agree with Scottish.

peukpokicuzo it's not correct to try to Police others judged speeds - your judgement may be wrong anyway, if in doubt, wait for the arsehole speeder to pass before pulling out then -

No drama

No tailgating etc as he will have the accident in front of you

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