"Why, just why, would it cause an arguement for you to use your own kitchen?"
I think sometimes this is a bit of the crux of the issue in some relationships, and not understood by people not in those relationships.
I know what it's like to not be able to raise an issue. You can't ask "Can you...?" or "Might I...?" because the answer is "NO" and you get yelled at a lot. You can't 'have a talk' or 'sit him down' because doors will be slammed, you'll be personally insulted (physical appearance or personality 'flaws') and the simmering rage could last for days. Perhaps you've a holiday coming up you don't want to ruin, a day out, a dinner at the MILs.
Yes, it's walking on eggshells.
Yes, it sucks.
"Just ask" isn't an option. It really isn't, for some.
What the OP is trying to do is untangle her feelings around this; she knows that she feels a pit of dread at the very thought of entering a room, opening a drawer, because she knows the sense of danger. She knows it will be seen as an act of aggression or provocation by the other and she's reaching her limit. She is standing there knowing this is wrong, but she needs to get it out, spell it out, write it out and read it back and see others gently agree that "Yes, you are right, and he - and the situation - are wrong."
It will take time.
Good luck, OP. You know the status quo is going to change and you've taken the first steps.