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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH - What did he have and has he still got it?

114 replies

CesarElDh · 22/04/2017 20:23

I don't mean to lower the tone on here, but I find it interesting how attraction can mean such different things to different people?
What attracted you to your DH/ DP and, perhaps more importantly, did it last or maybe evolve into something else?

OP posts:

Hassled · 22/04/2017 21:05

He came for a job interview where I worked and I thought he was really awkward and weird. Plus I was married to someone else. So it was a couple of years of gradual friendship, and my marriage ending, and then more time after that, and then an impromptu work night out where we were the only 2 people who actually showed up, before there was any romance. That was 20 years ago.

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 22/04/2017 21:06

I had met DH in real life and didn't fancy him at all. He messaged me to ask me out and he was rejected in no uncertain terms. I was seeing another guy from our group of friends - he was cocky and didn't really make me laugh, but he had a car (and 3 other girlfriends, it turns out...)

A few weeks later, when I'd got to know DH better, I realised he was clever, funny and my intellectual equal. I still didn't fancy him - 18 year old me just thought he was in the friendzone.

However, I found out that the reason he was a bit "strange" (he had quite poor personal hygiene and old, battered clothes) was due to quite extreme personal circumstances. I started to give him the benefit of the doubt and wondered if I had been hasty rejecting him. Then, we played rounders and my heart was beating so fast when he was standing near me... hurrah, my body had finally caught up with my brain and I actually fancied him!

We've now been together 10 years and while the personal hygiene has improved, his gorgeous brown eyes, way with words, kindness and steadfastness haven't changed. He is my.absolute world and I can't believe my good fortune... he loves little, plain, ginger me.

CantChoose · 22/04/2017 21:09

Oh, squirrels there's something in my eye...
I'm another one who isn't really sure. We were friends for a long time before it became something more. But whatever it was he still has it!

WildKiwi · 22/04/2017 21:12

Can still vividly remember first seeing DH when I walked into the bar we'd agreed to meet (met via internet dating). Found him really attractive straight away and then he consolidated by being interesting, funny, kind, intelligent and overall perfect (have since discovered he's by no means perfect!)

After getting to know him it turned out he's also completely weird, which is a good thing since we're both weird together

And to think I almost ignored his internet profile because he said he was a vegetarian. Thank god he didn't ignore my profile because I said my favourite food is steak

Mummysrcrazy1 · 22/04/2017 21:13

I'm sat here Reading these and I think there's nothing I like about my dp in fact I fucking hate him but I carnt get out of the relionship

OnTheUp13 · 22/04/2017 21:13

I knew the minute I saw DH he was going to be important to me. We met in a club. I was in a horrid mental place at the time and even though I pushed him away he kept coming back. The thing that attracted me to him was the fact he was so confident (arrogantly so!) and could "keep up with me".

JustCallMeKate · 22/04/2017 21:14

His accent (Irish)
Caring hands that healed my horse
His smile
His brown eyes
His cookery skills

30 years later I still think the same and love him more than I did on our wedding day.

Chasing

BusterGonad · 22/04/2017 21:26

His relaxed manner and his cracking sense of humor, he's not so relaxed now but still as funny as fuck.
Oh Chasing it sounds like you both had the perfect life together.

BusterGonad · 22/04/2017 21:28

Mummys that doesn't sound good. I did laugh though! Sorry!

WankStainWasher · 22/04/2017 21:30

Oh how I envy you lot.
My ex - he was cute, had a great accent and we totally fell in love.
Got married and moved back to his home country to find he was a man-child who thought the world owed him something!
2 children later and he was STILL the most important person in his life and I found I disliked the very air that he breathed
I despair that I will ever find a man who will love and respect me and will be someone I actually enjoy being around.
Still, I'm happy to hear that some of you are living the dream

Flugelpip · 22/04/2017 21:32

I fell in love with my husband in spite of my best efforts. We were best friends and I didn't want to change that. It was only when I thought I'd missed my chance with him that I realised how I really felt about him.

He's kind, clever, very funny and loving. He's moral - he works hard but doing a job that contributes something to society rather than something soulless that could earn him more money. He really likes women and gravitates towards them but not in a flirtatious way - he just finds us more interesting than men. He gets bored by traditional masculine football/beer/cars chat and doesn't bother with it but he volunteers in a very male-dominated, macho environment and more than holds his own. Some of the toughest men I've ever met have gone out of their way to tell me how good he is at what he does, and how much they respect him. He's obsessive about things that matter to him. He's proud of me, our marriage and our children. He's a totally devoted father.

He's very funny. He never misses a trick when it comes to mocking me. He makes me happy every day. I still get a thrill when I see him. I've never met anyone who remotely measured up to him and I've been with him for twenty years.

Fl0ellafunbags · 22/04/2017 21:34

He was one of my best friends (we met at 18, got together at 24), always loved being in his company because we just got each other then one night we went out and realised that we really fancied one another. We have this thing where one of us will be thinking something and the other one will say it. It's not psychic or woo, it's just that our minds go in the same direction.

Roussette · 22/04/2017 21:34

Not sure I'm living the dream TBH. We've had massive ups and downs but somehow against all odds we're still here.

Mummys I've had my bad moments believe me. I hope it improves for you

Fl0ellafunbags · 22/04/2017 21:35

Oh 20 years together.

Almostfifty · 22/04/2017 21:35

His gorgeous brown eyes. His height (he's well over a foot taller than me) and his body. Long and lean.

He makes me laugh too.

motherofdaemons · 22/04/2017 21:37

This thread makes me sad because we were so in love and we've grown so far apart. He was the coolest guy at our university. Everybody knew him, everybody wanted to be his friend. He was very well read, extremely confident, and very sharp and funny, not to mention extremely handsome. It took me ages to believe that he actually wanted to be with me. I am not good at meeting new people, I'm an introvert and he's an extreme extrovert. He brought me out of myself and made me want to be a better person.

13 years and 4 children. Turns out having babies with a social butterfly with a drug problem isn't such a good idea. He still likes to party as hard as he ever did while I do the grunt work with the children, all the housework, tale as old as time. He's pretty much the same guy I fell in love with except we were 21 then and now we're pushing 35. He's feckless, irresponsible and selfish, and I'm angry and resentful. Such a fucking cliche.

MouseholeCat · 22/04/2017 21:37

I wasn't sure about him at first- said yes to a date as he was so genuine when he asked for my number, but he wasn't my usual type and we'd only been talking 5 minutes so I thought he was a bit premature.

Then we ended up talking for 8 hours on our first date- I don't think I'd ever clicked with anyone else in that way before. It was his personality, interests, his drive and ambition, his views, all of that. He still continues to blow me away 5 years in (and I hope he feels the same about me!).

Lelloteddy · 22/04/2017 21:41

Love at first sight. Totally, utterly, head over heels and knew that I would marry him after about 10 seconds.

Luckily as I actually got to know him, the feeling hasn't faded.

MrsDoylesTeabags · 22/04/2017 21:42

I though this was about STDs too
He seemed like a man when all the other boys his age were still boys, very focused, smart and above all kind and thoughtful. Plus he still has the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen apart from our lovely son.
Squirrels. that was a lovely post

wannabestressfree · 22/04/2017 21:43

I met my dp eight years ago and when he met me I was a slim, attractive, young mum of three who liked going out. He had been on his own years and was bringing his three children up.
Now I am bloated with steroids and facing my twentysomething operation on a huge tumour in my bowel (nearly six stone) I am in pain all the time and am snappy. Lost my hair and a lot of my skin. In and out of hospital....
he has never faltered in taking care of us all. And I can be mean. See the chief surgeon soon and my crohns has flared again and my prognosis is bleak (about five years) but he is my rock. I had to kiss a fair few frogs before I met him. I want him to have a brilliant life with all our children whatever happens..... he is amazing.

snapcrap · 22/04/2017 21:46

Quite an emotional read this thread.

Well I'm kind of in between.

He's emotionally intelligent, makes me laugh, is a 'hands on dad' (like that's some kind of wow!), loves me to bits, we love each other's company.

But in 25 years all his vices are still there and I don't think they'll ever change (smoking and drinking).

So yes he's still got it - good and bad!

I love him and he loves me and we have gorgeous children and a life we cherish. But it's not perfect.

snapcrap · 22/04/2017 21:47

wannabe

Roussette · 22/04/2017 21:49

motherof I do hope it gets better for you and you can ride out the storm
(Sorry that sounds so naff but I have a DH who has been a trial and difficult at times gambling but somehow or other we've come through it. H0pe you do too)

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 22/04/2017 21:54

This makes me sad too. I fell in love with my dh over adventures and great days and holidays doing exciting things. He's tall and has a lovely smile. I used to adore him.

Now we have 3 young dc and he's snappy and irritable and half he time I don't feel like he likes me, let alone loves me (yes, I have spoken to him about this ) I feel like I walk on eggshells around him and wonder whether we can improve things or not.

As a PP said, I'm so envious of those of you still so in love.

haveacupoftea · 22/04/2017 21:56

I don't really know why but when I met him we just clicked and had to have each other. He drives me mad!! He's lazy about housework and isn't sympathetic when I'm sick. He's proud and loyal and has lots of faults but he's mine, and I am his, and always will be.

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