Aibu to ask her to clean up the fucking cake.

[Bigharibostrawberries]

So over the holidays I've had a particular group of friends around. We met at baby group and now my only DD is seven, while they have gone on to have more. There's about half a dozen in the group and some I'm closer to than others, but in general we've got on well.

I live in a house with a bigger than average garden, and I used to be a childminder, so my house was always the obvious place to meet, and for a long time I didn't mind, but recently I've been feeling differently.

DD is at the age where she doesn't make so much of a mess, so we've been redecorating, buying a few nice bits for the house and garden. When my friends visit, their children just pull the place apart. Well, some are OK, there's a few in particular that are just really rough. I know small children will do that, and I childproof my house as much as possible, but if I'm honest DD certainly wasn't allowed to do it at other people's houses and they don't even attempt to get their children to stop. I've had things smashed, walls drawn on etc. These children have managed to damage my house more than all my mindees put together, so I don't think I'm being precious

So as not to drip feed, DH and I have struggled with secondary infertility, and our one shot at IVF failed just before Christmas. It has been hard, but we are moving on and I now feel very much done with babies and toddlers. Maybe that's why my patience is wearing thin. We've also had lots going on with new jobs, family illness etc, and I could have done with some support, but felt very sidelined when I tried to talk to my friends. One of the group has constant marital problems which tend to dominate.

So they visited a few days ago and I wasn't particularly looking forward to it, but I made Easter nests, organised a little egg hunt etc. Some of them didn't bring their eldest children due to other commitments, and the 6/7 year olds who did come were three boys that DD doesn't really get on with, so essentially I was entertaining a group of babies and toddlers while the older boys tore off down the garden and DD sat and played on her own. I was a bit annoyed at that to begin with. I decided I was going to be a bit firmer over the wrecking the house issue, so when one child started grinding cake into the carpet, I asked him to sit at the table to eat it. His mum is the one who dominates conversation, bit of a queen bee if I'm honest, and she got really arsey and said "he's fine where he is". I pointed out he was squashing the cake everywhere, and she said "for goodness sake, he's only two."

And, well, this is where I was probably unreasonable, but I said "ok then, I'll just leave a little packet of wipes on the table if you wouldn't mind cleaning it up when he is finished?"

She said "excuse me?" and I sort of laughed and said "the cake- it will save me hoovering it later". She didn't say a word to me after that, had a face on her like a busted boot, and soon left, without saying goodbye.

We have a group Whatsapp, and later that afternoon I was removed from the group. I texted another of the mums who I am closest to and asked why. She said cake mum had removed me because she felt unwelcome in my house, my IVF failure had made me bitter, she felt threatened, I was jealous of her baby etc.

I said that's fine and as far as I was concerned she could fuck off, and she wouldn't be welcome in my house anymore

Cue a flurry of fb and whatsapp messages from the other mums, telling me I needed to apologise to cake mum because I had been unfair and I'd forgotten how tiring it was to have small children, that sort of thing.

If I'm honest I started to think maybe they were right. I was a bit sick of them all coming round and yes it was hard at times to be surrounded by babies /pregnancy when we were struggling

At this point DH came home
I showed him the texts. He said that in his opinion they were shitting themselves because now they had nowhere to go to be fed/ignore their kids. Also that even if I made it up with them, he didn't want them to come round en mass again, because he had thought for some time that they were taking the piss out of me. Basically he put the foot down,which is something DH rarely does.

So by this point I had been readded to the whatsapp group. I told cake mum that I was sorry for anything I had said to upset her, and I hoped we could all remain friends. I then said that perhaps in future we could meet at a park or something which would be easier for all concerned.

Cake mum and some of the other mums then got arsey, said I clearly didn't want them round my house, I couldn't cope with my ivf related bitterness and

Gobsmacked people can be so rude. You did the right thing. You must be very hurt to have been treated like that. Don't let it put you off making further friendships - there are many much nicer people out there.

YANBU. Children make a mess but that's generally why you supervise them and do things like telling them to go sit at the table rather than squish the cake into the floor. Cake mum is a fucking idiot, and i bet she wouldn't have said he was ok where he was if it was her carpet. You don't sound bitter at all, you sound pissed off at badly behaved kids and bitchy mums. You can do a lot better.

Just remember OP These children have managed to damage my house more than all my mindees put together these aren't just the little messes that happen where there are children, this isn't even just parents allowing their children to run riot and cause chaos, this is parents actively undermining your attempts to stop some of the chaos!

YANBU . Remember having 'someone' come to my house and walk out the bathroom with a broken Wedgewood dish in her hand . It had been on a high shelf, was my late Grandmothers. Apparently she thought it was ok to give it to her one year old to play with while she changed his nappy. Obviously one of the zillion brightly coloured bathtoys weren't good enough. She just handed it to me and said 'this probably needs to go in the bin, DC broke it.' No apology!!

I hope cake mum lets her child grind cake into someone's else's carpet, then perhaps the others will realise what an inconsiderate self entitled whatsit she is.

Utter bastards for throwing ivf in your face after you were perfectly reasonable.

You sound ace, this silliness will free you up to find some better people to spend time with.

Dickheads.

I'm totally gobsmacked by this. Are there really mums out there who think it's ok to allow their DC to grind cake into someone else's carpet? And then to call that person 'bitter' when they are asked to clean it up?

Just, really??

I'm with all the others. YWDNBU

Seriously if my 1yo smashed cake into someone else's carpet I'd have been so embarrassed and instantly offered to clean it up. That's what normal, non-entitled mothers do. I was fed up of the mess my DD was making of the carpet so made sure the next place we moved to had hardwood floors. But that's not important.

Well done for the cake. My DH has just asked why I've spit coffee all over myself so had to tell him about the post and he agrees toof. He'd have put his foot down like your DH.

Find really friends who actually appreciate you. If these batches did they'd have been more than happy about meeting at the park.

I'm also sorry about the failed IVF. You have every right to be bitter but that didn't play a part in this instance.

This is so funny!!

Please don't tar them all with the same brush they probably are sick of cake bitch as well!!

Even if you'd been charging them £10 per time to come to your house for tea, cake, entertainment and child care, you would still not have been unreasonable. I'm amazed you cannot see this.

Anyone else see a sequel to 'Cake Boss?'

They sound like horrible, entitled twats. The worst bit is how they then used your IVF in their nasty comments to you. Your DH is right. They can fuck right off.

OP quit with the guilt and questioning yourself over whether you ARE bitter. Cake mum is gaslighting you - turning it into your fault to shift the shittiness away from her.

You have nothing at all to feel guilty about. Instead be proud that you've seen them for what they are and got rid. Atta girl!

Cherish your man, he's a keeper!
Love the cake picture. Find some kinder friends with better manners.
(And remember, a lot of us have cunts, let's use another word to describe the lowest of the low)

When she said "for goodness sake, he's only two" I would have said "but you're not, so I'm expecting you to clean up after your child."
What a piece of work. You're better off without them

You could also have mashed cake into her clothes or handbag.

Cake Mum sounds like an absolute queen bitch. Yuck. And she sounds as though she's the sort of person who WOULD care if she had cake ground into her carpet. I LOVE THE CAKE PHOTO. Yes!

'Please don't tar them all with the same brush they probably are sick of cake bitch as well!!'

Why not? None of them stood up for hte OP publicly in front of that cake mum bitch. Who wants some wet lettuce and pisstaker for a mate? They have all been taking advantage of the OP for years. And none of them stood up to Queen Bitch when she said all those horrible things about the OP. They are not friends.

I've been there. I found meetings with my baby mum's group exhausting and soul destroying. It took me about 4 years to realize that I disliked their company and stopped meeting up with them. The weight off my shoulders was immense.

OP you're my hero

Cake bitch was well out of order! I'd NEVER have let DD smash cake into anyone's carpet, no matter what age.

The picture you sent is the stuff of urban myths and quite frankly you rock!

If any friends within the group were your genuine friends, they'll reach out and you can stay in touch separately.

In the meantime, well done for not being a pushover, and if I ever need to I'm saving the cake pic for future use

Some people are just nasty shits, aren't they? They are abusing your hospitality (wonder why no one over all the years ever realised it is unfair on someone who is already going through IVF?). Listen to your DH. You are not being arsey and you shouldn't have apologised to her.
I would stay friends with the ones who have been understanding. Nothing for the others at all.

I love you op. That pic is perfect, please be the MN pic sourced for arse holes like CC.

I presume as she hadn't had a failed IVF, she's coo with any shit bring ground into her carpet? How the fuck did she even come up with that? Just downright nasty.

You're my hero op

I am half hoping that cakemum is on MN so that she can see that she is completely unreasonable.

OP you are brilliant and certainly not being unreasonable!

YABU. Nope I wouldn't be handing her a pack of wipes and asking her to clean up. That's going far too far! I'd have expected her to sit him at the table at your request. Who allows child to eat cake on a carpet? That is unreasonable in itself let alone the conversation that followed.

The correct response when you pointed the cake situation out was grovelling apologies and sitting him at the table.

You had far more patience than me.

Keep the nicer supportive friends and make sure you alternate venues in future.