AIBU to refuse to fight illness?

[GoodyGoodyGumdrops]

In my case: depression, various problems affecting my joints, and sugar addiction (maybe not a formal illness, but in terms of the effect it has on my body, my behaviour and my family life, I classify it as such).

I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable with the concept that I am 'fighting' to win the 'battle against', my illnesses. That I must 'beat' the illnesses.

More and more I think that what it's really about is coming to terms with the illnesses. Embracing them as part of me, in the way that I embrace my good skin and shiny hair.

Ultimately, these conditions are not like, say, an infection that can be cured by a course of antibiotics. They will be with me the rest of my life, whether flared up or quiescent, limiting me or not affecting me.

So why 'fight'?

Is acceptance equivalent to submission?

[Dawndonnaagain]

Nolonger Mirtazipine is notorious for this and is often given to people with eating disorders for exactly this reason. Maybe have a chat with your Doctor about Duloxetine? Having said that, Mirtazapine is good and I'd understand if you don't want a change.

[Livness12]

Oh gosh, NolongerAnxiousCarer, Mirtazapine was horrific for me with weight gain and constant craving every evening (especially for carbs?)

I was given it when I was severely underweight, and gained 4 stone in the next 18 months - it took me to a healthy weight, but not in a healthy weight, it was just through bingeing/purging instead. I didn't put two and two together for a long while with the beginning of weight gain coinciding with starting meds, but came off Mirtazapine at the end of last year and my appetite has just gone completely back to 'normal' (when I say normal, I mean now maintaining a healthy weight, not back to being very underweight again).

It is worth speaking to a GP if the weight gain/cravings are getting you down, because there can be other meds which will help without the same effect. But as Dawndonnagain said, if you are 'ok' with accepting the effects and it's not making you feel worse, then sometimes it can be 'worth it', because Mirtazapine can be brilliant for depression (and insomnia).

[Funnyonion17]

@Pigface, it's refreshing to see someone acknowledge the link between both. Well-done you for overcoming sugar addiction. :)

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

Thanks for the comments dawn and livnes for me the Mirtazapine has done its job and I will be coming off it soon. I'm pretty active so I'm hoping that the weight will drop off again. Was just commenting thinking it might be a factor in OPs sugar addiction.

[Ollivander84]

I have depression. It's managed now with medication, exercise does help and I can recognise when it's worsening
But that's manageable depression
Then there's the point I was at where I was having intrusive thoughts, I recognised them and took myself off to the GP
After that there was the point which I sat on a car park sobbing for two hours. Not the kind of pretty crying in the depression memes, it was the point which I thought I don't fucking think I can do this, I can't stand up and live any longer. It was very clear in my head what I had to do and in a way very rational to go and commit suicide. I didn't. I dragged myself off the floor and was diagnosed with antenatal depression and PTSD

If at that point you had tried to tell me a short walk might help I think I might have punched someone

[muffinbluffer]

Oliver for you....I can relate...I have PTSD, a dissociative disorder and severe depression as well as physical stuff as well...I don't think people who don't suffer this stuff can truly understand how emotions can be so excruciating that death seems like a viable answer..

in fact I once had a kidney stone...the Dr I saw didn't believe me and I ended up passing it without painkillers...the pain was excruciating .... BUT, if you were to give me the option of having a kidney stone every month for the rest of my life but no MH problems, I would say give me the stones, I can cope with physical pain but not the agony of depression, the numbness of PTSD symptoms, the feeling of being detached from everyone and everything so that I can't feel love or attachment for anyone, the fear stemming from years of childhood abuse....I hope others that haven't experienced MH problems read this thread as if one mind is changed that would be good....

[muffinbluffer]

Ollivander sorry I read your name wrong!

[cadybradia]

Dawn I'm not lacking in knowledge. I have bipolar disorder. I can have a different opinion without being "ignorant and judgemental". Chill out.

[cadybradia]

But thanks for the fucking patronising reply!

[Dawndonnaagain]

Good grief, I was patronising! Let me get my little badge...

[TheFirstMrsDV]

YANBU if its how you need to live your life. Everyone must find their way.
I can't accept it and embrace it. I just dissolve if I do.
Unfortunately its part of the PTSD, it means I am either/or.
I have to keep going as if nothing is wrong or I fear the whole world will crumble.
Not particularly healthy but its so engrained now I don't know what else to do.

Do what you need to do

[FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite]

As somebody else said, I also think there's a difference between managing and fighting...

However. As a mother I do think you have to really think about how your choices may influence your family.

As for the people claiming how sugar addiction is so ridiculous... Why? What about nicotine addiction? Alcohol? Other food relatied mental ilnesses/addictions?

[TinselTwins]

I hope I'm not ignorant, but from your title, you give the impression of a much more serious illness. Depression can be managed with anti depressants, counselling etc WTF! Depression is one of the most fatal illnesses around! would could be "more serious" than one of our biggest causes of death?

OP YABsooooNU!

I TOTALLY agree, I hate this "fighter" "won't be beaten" bollocks (that is usually said by people who know people who are ill rather than the person themselves*

so what? people who "lose the fight" just didn't have the right attitude? fuck that! it's just fucking luck of the draw!

[dinosaursandtea]

I have anxiety, OCD and either depression or Bipolar II. Every time I try to 'fight' it, I lose with a vengeance. When I live with it & work around it, I'm 100% more functional.

[muffinbluffer]

dinosaur I completely know what you mean...the times I am more accepting and don't internalise the expectations of others my mental health actually improves...

Tinsel totally agree...

[WomblingThree]

dinosaursandtea that's me except swap BPll for PTSD. I agree with you. In my case, I "fought" it for 20 years: fought a diagnosis, fought meds, fought anyone who even suggested I might have a problem. When I accepted it, and decided to manage it, at least I felt slightly more in control.

[WomblingThree]

💐🌼🌻🌹🌷🌸🌺 for the accepters

[nursy1]

I got some advice once on how to cope with grief. It was along the lines of; don't try to carry on or be strong. Just accept it, embrace it, lean on people. Is that kind of how you mean?
It was the best piece of advice I had. We spend too much energy proving ( to whom) how capable we are
Do what makes you most comfortable. You will know best how to manage your life. So long as you are aware to reach out from your down time if it it crosses the line into really not coping.

[OvariesForgotHerPassword]

I don't agree that illness is a part of a person. I think people who identify as depressed/anxious/in pain etc. worsen their conditions in the long run

But acceptance and ownership is a vital part of recovery. I had serious self-loathing issues for a long time. Once I accepted that actually, these things I hate are not me, they are not my personality, they are part of a disorder I have, and once I was medicated, life has improved beyond belief. I like who I am now.

Part of getting to that stage was accepting that I have ADHD, and part of reducing the stigma of ADHD especially in adult women is not being afraid to say yes, I have this, I "identify" as having ADHD.

[KingofnightvisionKingofinsight]

I hate when the OP posts something intended to engage and then never comes back.

[TinselTwins]

I got some advice once on how to cope with grief. It was along the lines of; don't try to carry on or be strong. Just accept it, embrace it, lean on people. Is that kind of how you mean?
It was the best piece of advice I had. We spend too much energy proving ( to whom) how capable we are

I like this a lot

I think the whole "positive thinking" / manifestation / secret / "fighter" trend is far from positive and is actually very damaging, because it's important to FEEL what's happening to you and not always be pressured to swim upstream (emotionally) agaisnt what's happening to you to be "positive" and "strong" all the time!

[muffinbluffer]

King to be fair, if I had read the first couple of posts I might not have come back...they were pretty nasty...she (sorry if I have got the gender wrong) is obviously feeling vulnerable and to get that level of ignorance right off the bat might have felt too much....

[muffinbluffer]

I agree that the 'positive thinking' trend is damaging as, when it doesn't work, it encourages guilt and self reproach when actually self care and compassion for the self is what is needed along with realistic goals and expectations..

[TinselTwins]

Yup, I think that "positive thinking" has arison from the "gap" left by atheism by lack of "prayer". I'm an athiest but I believe in the need for "prayer" I just don't believe in god

But here's the problem, with religion, you can "pray" if you feel hopeless, or negative or angry. With "positive thinking" "asking the universe" "manifestation" there is no space for that at all!

"Mindfullness" is much better but less catchy or meme-worthy. Feeling the moment, recognising where you're at in the present tense etc

[Depressionisanillness]

Sorry if it's a de-rail.... I used to feel a little like user. It came from growing up with a depressed mother who made us very aware she didn't want to be here at times, who was open that she wasn't happy with her life, who was viciously violent with us all when her anxiety was out of control. And yes, mental illness is her excuse.

So i had very low tolerance for mental health issues for a long time. Finding empathy was difficult.

I don't know your experience user but i now know that my mother's issues were about much more than mental health. Depression did NOT make her nasty.

I am now struggling with depression and of course it worries me as i have my own children. I hate it, it scares me that this is "me". But this illness has not made me neglectful or nasty or a selfish person.

Sorry OP, i am glad to see you have had some very helpful replies. The discussion is interesting.