AIBU to refuse to fight illness?

[GoodyGoodyGumdrops]

In my case: depression, various problems affecting my joints, and sugar addiction (maybe not a formal illness, but in terms of the effect it has on my body, my behaviour and my family life, I classify it as such).

I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable with the concept that I am 'fighting' to win the 'battle against', my illnesses. That I must 'beat' the illnesses.

More and more I think that what it's really about is coming to terms with the illnesses. Embracing them as part of me, in the way that I embrace my good skin and shiny hair.

Ultimately, these conditions are not like, say, an infection that can be cured by a course of antibiotics. They will be with me the rest of my life, whether flared up or quiescent, limiting me or not affecting me.

So why 'fight'?

Is acceptance equivalent to submission?

[NotStoppedAllDay]

Sugar addiction?? Is this a thing now then? Like having a 'sweet tooth'

[Dawndonnaagain]

Crumbs you're a gem, you really are.
Yes research shows these things can sometimes help with depression, but if you're suicidal, going for a walk isn't going to help, or release endorphins.

[haveacupoftea]

I hate the term fighting an illness. Illnesses are treated, not fought. If your treatment isn't working it doesn't mean you haven't fought hard enough it means you need a different kind of treatment.
People with depression are often left to suffer with unsuitable treatment when clearly their medication, or counselling or whatever is not working, or they have simply been misdiagnosed.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

YANBU to have a mindset of acceptance, and to work within the parameters of your illnesses to achieve balance in your life, rather than fighting against them all the time, something that could take a considerable amount of your energy.

I assume that you are working to manage your conditions as best you can though - I don't think letting them run away with you will be as helpful as it might feel if you're particularly tired at the moment.

Good luck to you though

[OvariesForgotHerPassword]

Stop trying to fight it, focus on managing it. Whether that takes therapy, meds, lifestyle changes, whatever. The stiff upper lip attitude in this country means people are too proud to ask for help, we feel we have to "fight". I tried to fight ADHD for years. Life hasbeen so much better since I started managing it instead, with medication that enables me to make changes to my habits etc.

There's no shame in not fighting, but don't think that means you have to let it consume you. Baby steps :)

[Somerville]

The amount of harm caused by all the battle-rhetoric when it comes to illness is immense. Much of it is well-meaning, but that doesn't make it helpful, or right.

[lifesjoys]

Wow!! Most responses are harsh!!

None of you would flame a cancer sufferer!

[Funnyonion17]

It seems a bit unusual to not try sort the sugar addiction, it has a major impact on mental health and even your joints. I get it's hard, i have a major sugar tooth. But it's not an illness, just like smoking isn't! I can appreciate many suffer depression and joint pains for other reasons, but surely curving your sugar intake is worth a shot rather then declaring it an illness?

[user15262093]

Maybe i am harsh, maybe i have seen people blame things such as depression for being a crap mother whilst doing nothing to help themselves or do anything about it. It is very easy to fall down a slope of depression without realising the impact it has not only on your life, but those around you as well. I have had a hard life, i know people who have had a harder life, and although I'm sure at times have felt down, haven't allowed themselves to feel like they can't help themselves by trying everything to overcome it whether this be therapy, anti depressants or managing their condition better. I wouldnt flame a cancer sufferer, but i think to compare cancer to depression is insulting to cancer sufferers to be honest.

[user15262093]

It seems to easy to say ' o i have a sugar addiction' i can't help it its an illness?!! Thats what i don't understand??

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

It is very easy to fall down a slope of depression without realising the impact it has not only on your life, but those around you as well.

You're talking about depression like it's a choice. I think you are showing your ignorance on the subject and I wonder if you are going to offer anything constructive or supportive to the OP, or if you're just going to keep banging your drum about how depression is essentially the person's own fault.

[WomblingThree]

JimBullardBullard yours experiences mirror mine. I just wish I had friends like yours!

GoodyGoodyGumdrops I hope my post didn't come across as mean. It's just I've never had the feeling I have to fight my illnesses, just find ways to manage them and cope with day to day life. I was wondering who had given you the idea you had to actually fight.

[user15262093]

Of course not?! But its the OP's attitude that gets me. If they had of said, 'I'm depressed and need some advice' then fine, but to just blame depression and 'sugar addiciton' and have a can't be bothered attitude doesnt make me feel sorry for them to be honest. I have every sympathy for people who have been through a terrible time, but most have to pick themselves up and carry on eventually.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Wow, user - that's some impressive level of ignorance there. Nice going.

[Vegansnake]

Oh op,you sound tired and fed up..I'm sorry you having such a hard time..I think ,talking about me,that I just have to get through each day as best I can..some days are harder than others..I've no advice,(need some myself) but I do understand xx

[londonmummy1966]

Some really horrible people on this thread - I'm sorry you're having a tough time OP. I sympathise as I have major problems with persistent depression and have lost my (hard won) career as a result.

Chronic depression is a nasty thing as it does leave you feeling helpless but there is something to be said for accepting that it will fell you from time to time but that there are little things you can do to help. This includes knowing when you are at the start of a downhill and trying to waylay it with little things like going for a run/buying some flowers/reading a good book and accepting that sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't and that if it doesn't then curling up in bed and trying to sleep out a bad day might be the best solution.

Have you had your medication reviewed recently? The best mine can do is leave me an emotionless blank but sometimes that is better than the alternative so I know I can just up my dose a little when I need to.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

user You would have preferred it if she'd come on to Mumsnet asking for advice about a mental illness? Would you come on here asking for advice about a broken leg? Of course not! Depression is not an illness that can just be fixed by advice on an internet forum! Please, go and educate yourself about mental illnesses and have a bit of respect.

[dustmotesinthesun]

Fuck me, but there's some ignorance about.

At its worst, depression kills. Sugar addiction can also make people very ill. I once met a sugar addict who on her binges would buy cake, put it in the bin to stop herself binging on it, pour bleach on it and then still get it out and eat it anyway. Sugar addiction isn't about willpower sadly any more than a cocaine addiction is. Ask a morbidly obese person to get their food intake under control and the reality is most can't. Because of sugar addiction. They are literally killing themselves by eating until they have very serious health problems. Think about that. If they could stop, they would. No one would do that to themselves if they knew how to stop doing so. There is lots of science out there on willpower which proves it is irrelevant when it comes to permanently losing weight. 95% of people who lose a lot of weight put it back on. Many of those people will have lots of willpower. It's a lot more complex.

[TiredCluelessMummy]

User you are woefully ignorant. It is advisable to educate yourself on an issue before you go in all guns blazing on a thread that can be seen by anyone who has an internet connection. The things you are saying could genuinely cause real harm. Depression very often has sweet fuck all to do with how hard your life is. Otherwise millionaires etc would be immune wouldn't they? Fucking think.

[WomblingThree]

user15262093 the OP actually said quite clearly that sugar addiction isn't an illness, but the effect her eating habits has on her body is like an illness.

I've spent a large portion of my life struggling with depression. I'm only too well aware of the effect it has on other people thanks, but hey just twist the knife a bit more. If your family member's depression fucked your life up, then I feel for you. Maybe you should seek counselling to help you come to terms with that, rather than assuming that everyone with depression does the same.

[Judydreamsofhorses]

I suffer with depression, anxiety, and OCD, and for me accepting that these conditions will always be part of me, and committing to managing them was actually a really useful thing. I recognise when I need time on my own rather than forcing myself to put on a smile and pretend everything's okay, which is actually exhausting and counter-productive for me. I also am now (mainly) able to be more objective and say "this too shall pass". I am very lucky that I have a really supportive partner, and over the years I have largely ditched unhelpful people who don't "get it", including minimising contact with my mother who is of the "pull your socks up and stop feeling sorry for yourself" school of medicine.

Anyway, that's probably not very helpful. I think it is good to accept and manage if you can, but ultimately not let these conditions define you - they may be part of you, but they are not who you are.