My parents made my NC SIL executor of their will

[Suchalovelyday]

I'm genuinely asking if IBU to feel hurt and upset having found out on Sunday my parents changed their will to make my SIL who never tried to get to know me, just decided I was a 'yuppy working mother' executor of their will.

My mum made reference to the SIL being 'independent and very fair'. She's not independent and will be a beneficiary of their will the same as my brother. When I say will, they live in a very very very small mobile home, and have a lot of money owing on a property overseas. My brothers name is on the loan with them. They've said they're leaving the overseas property to him, and I'm assuming the money from their home here will have to pay the loan (only recently realised that!) so have they effectively written me out of their will? Do they think by her being executor I won't find out?

I've posted before about how things are, and I'm cross with myself for letting this get to me after so much but I feel so sad that despite knowing the SIL hates me they've given her such a trusted role over me. It really isn't about any possible inheritance, but it's the feeling of being so decisively excluded. I'm v low contact with them (so maybe AIBU as they see more of them) but they've just been on a visit here which was ok, mum is in super affectionate mode and keeps texting/phoning telling me how much she loves me. I'm on anti anxiety meds so I'm coping and haven got upset or even told her I'm upset, but I know she can hear/tell I'm very subdued. I've got a horrific cold at the moment so she's assuming that's why I'm quiet.

Am I being a jealous brat? Should I expect this because of the low contact?

I can understand your hurt.
But you are honestly best out of the situation they will leave with debt owing on the foreign property, and they likely know this.
I think in a roundabout clumsy way they are trying to give your SIL all the hassle and spare you.

Just to be clear, my brother did not contribute financially - due to my dad's age they had to have my brither's name on the loan to be approved for it! He hasn't paid a penny into it.

My AIBU was about the choice of executor though. As so many have said, the finances (or lack of) are an utter mess and aren't something I want any part of. I think they've chosen her because they've realised there will be nothing after everything's paid, other than the overseas property having been paid off with proceeds of uk property and they think I won't find out if I'm not executor. The have previous of acting unfairly but trying to hide it. Or justify it.

But he is liable for it, so putting himself at risk in some way? That seems fair to me. If they cannot pay it off he has to take on the debt. By signing up for it, he has enabled them to live the life they want, presumably. I totally understand that you wouldn't want to take on that risk.

If after their death they sell the uk property and give half of it to you, then he will still have half the debt on the overseas property.

Being executor is a huge, huge, time consuming task. Presumably even more so when there are multiple properties and negative equity, and complicated family dynamics.
You sound as though your relationships with everyone are not good, which makes it even harder. I can see why they may have felt someone less emotionally involved was a more sensible choice.

YABU. You brother has responsibility for the debt so should also get the property securing the debt in the will. If you are low contact with your parents you can't be surprised they don't want to leave you anything though.

It sounds like there will be nothing but debt and your brother will inherit that debt?

The brother did contribute to the property. He put himself at risk of negative equity, with no corresponding possibility of gain, so in a sense he contributed more than if he'd just put hard cash in.

Does it matter who is the Executor, other than from the perspective of who is going to have the hard work? The Executor cannot change the contents of the Will - if they've left their share in the property abroad to your brother, and any other assets will need to be sold to pay your parents debt - that will happen whether your SIL is Executor, you are Executor, or an anonymous firm of solicitors are Executor. All are obliged to follow the instructions in the Will.

He can just sell the abroad house

It sounds like the sensible option tbh. From what you've said your parents are loosing money hand over fist due to a bad investment they made with your brother and sil. I would assume it will be messy, complicated and not much will be left once things are sorted out. My assumption would be that your sil is the one who deals with the money stuff in your brothers family so she's the obvious choice to deal with it later.

If you are low contact why would it even bother you? Your parents are closer to your brother and sil. Maybe they are closer to her than you. It's sad but not unlikely if you have distanced yourself.

Being executor doesn't mean you can keep everything. It means you are legally bound to ensure the terms of the will are followed.

I can sympathise entirely OP.

My mother made my XH and BiL her executors and it has been awful. They tried to diddle me out of what money I was entitled to and have prevented me from buying her house.

Total shitty nightmare

I'm low contact because they've never forgiven me for not living near them, for searching for my birth mother. My previous posts illustrate the toxic thing it is. I stupidly (again) thought they'd finally stopped hurting me but I was wrong. This was the family that excluded me from nieces christening, put my name down on their gas bills, and numerous other things. I wish I was clever enough to link my previous thread, but that shows why I've 'distanced myself'. And yes, it hurts. For me it's another rejection on top of a lifetime of rejections.

Presumably your brother will inherit everything to pay off the loan, so what does it matter that your SIL is the executor?

You're perfectly within your rights to go LC with your parents but you can't expect them to treat you the same way as your brother who seems to be in very close contact with them. I moved away from my parents and I don't expect them to treat me the same way as they do my brother, who they see three or four times a week. He gets a lot more financial and practical support from them - but also gets a lot more hassle!