Is he being unreasonable??

[unknownrebelbang]

Been helping out (as a parent helper, not as a leader) on cubcamp this weekend.

Last night, after a minor spat with the group leader he half-jokingly told me go home....so I did. (there were more than enough adults to cover safety and activities etc and I'd heard the remark once too often).

Apparently he's "not impressed" and will speak to me later.

I did what he told me to do.

so, court of MN, is he unreasonable to be "not impressed"??

I don't know...dpends on the whole story

depends on what was said

So you're a volunteer? I don't know much about cub politics but it sounds from what you said that he is talking down to you whichI wouldn't be happy with if I'd given up my free titme to help out

are you sure there were enough adults? when i have done beaver sleepovers they have always had as many children there as ratio will allow. tbh i would say he is being very reasonable, if you say you will do something like that then you should stick to it. if he said something to offend you that should be discussed but dont drop the other leaders in it cos you are annoyed with him. leaders dont get paid btw, they are doing your kids a favour

I'd probably take his side on the basis of what you've said so far (sorry!)
because it is such an incredible responsibility being in charge of other people's children for a weekend and presumably they were relying on you to make the adult child ratio as good as poss. You had made a committment to the children and the parents of those children regardless of whether or not the leader was a twat. I'd be pretty miffed as a parent if I found out that a helper on a trip my ds was on had gone home in a huff.

If he jokingly told you to go home then it was a joke

But I do agree that it seems he was talking down to you & you had given up your time for them.

in fact reading your post again I'm really quite shocked by your behaviour. You said the leader was half joking about you going home so you did what he told you. FGS how old are you? It doesn't sound as if you are old enough to be in charge of other people's children if you take such a slack approach to caring for them

i think you should not have left over a minor spat , especially if he was half joking

sounds like a clash of personality, but no need to leave !!

depends on the spat, and if you have argued before, but i would have stayed...for one thing, not an example i personally would show to my kids, of leaving because of some disagreement..and dropping everyone else in it

sorry, but i think you are being unreasonable

Time for a bit of clarification.

I help out at cubs regularly, but am a parent helper, rather than a warranted leader, and am extremely reliable, on both cub nights and for activities.

Camps are different in that I don't sleep over, the ratios are very good, and I come and go during the weekend because of other commitments (my other child and DH's shifts). I really am just an extra pair of hands, rather than being counted in the ratios and the children are used to seeing me disappear. I would not argue with any leader in front of the children.

I would NEVER ever put the children at risk, EVER.

I usually get on very well with this bloke, but his tosserish tendencies pop out now and again. He can be very smug, and often tells me that volunteers are useful, but he can manage without them if has to. It is an oft-repeated snide remark he makes and is one of the few things he knows that I don't like, but he still keeps making the remarks. I don't expect a round of applause for helping out - I choose to - but I do expect a teeny modicum of respect.

Yes, compo I'm a volunteer, as are all the leaders.

I didn't drop the other leaders in it. He told me to go home - I did what he told me to do. He was half-joking but he has been asked previously not to do it.

The parents know that I'm there on an adhoc basis, so am not relied upon for ratios.

I didn't set a bad example to my or the other children because they were undertaking an activity at the time, so didn't see the spat, and all the children are used to me coming and going.

Thank you for your opinions.

right...well, with clarification, sounds like a totally different situation...if he is a tosser and makes snide remarks..why give your time, especially if he says he can manage without you?

or have a talk with him, away from the cubs, about how you find his attitude?

Thanks lulumama.

He's ok most of the time, just has these tosserish tendencies that escape now n again, and he's "always right" if you challenge him iykwim.

I give my time because of my boys. As gigglingoblin rightly says, leaders don't get paid and they are doing my kids a favour (think she forgot that I also give my time and do other kids and their parents a favour too).

I think it is good that you 'called' him on some of his tosser-talk. May make him word things more carefully in the future.

Am guessing he is making a big 'not impressed' song and dance as secretly embarassed.

I think you could be right dimpled thighs.

i think replies would have been different if you clarified in first post. lots of parents dont realise that leaders arent paid and resent having to give up their time if they are asked to help, thats why i mentioned it. i realise you were giving up your time but it wasnt clear that you did it regularly, or that you knew the leaders were volunteers. in this situation i would have been tempted to go home aswell, and i would be really looking forward to speaking to him later because i would have something to say to him aswell.

Sorry, I do realise that, but I posted in a hurry before I went to collect the boys from said camp.

And whilst I would never ever put the children at risk, having reread my OP, I can see that I didn't make that crystal clear.

Hmm, I'm looking forward to speaking to him too, but I know of old that he'll believe he's completely in the right, even if everyone else thinks he's wrong.

Just wish I was as self-assured as he was.

As I expected, he did try to twist what had happened, but after a rather heated debate, we appear to have cleared the air, although it was rather difficult at first.

Once calm had resumed, I did raise the issue of his stance on volunteers and whilst not changing his view, took on board my opinion (and I don't think he'll be snide with me about it again).

I surprised myself, and told him he was sometimes a tosser - he didn't deny this, smirked and said "but I'm funny with it"....

I also raised the issue about ratios, assuring him that whatever happened I would not have put the children at risk, and he assured me that he knew this, and that whatever issues there were, this was not one of them.

He sounds like my ex, he used to say that "But i'm funny with it..." It used to really piss me off

I can well imagine.

Have to say, he does make me laugh, but then I only see him a couple of times a week.

DH wouldn't be so crass....