to stop her from dropping out?

[user1492786507]

My daughter is two years into her university degree. After finishing school she went on a gap year and had a great time. We assumed that she would love university too. Homesickness wasn't much of a worry, or a problem, as she had been away from home for a whole year and loved it. She loved the first few months of university but after that I noticed her whole personality change. At school she was outgoing, bubbly and had a great group of close friends. Now, however, she is withdrawn, nervous, very quiet and has lost a lot of weight. After being at home during the holidays she quickly goes back to her normal, outgoing, happy self but a few days before she goes back to uni she gets withdrawn again. She always tells me how she really doesn't want to go back but seems to be 'okay' when she does return.

This morning she phoned me up saying that she wants to leave university for a year and travel. She cried and told me how she is extremely unhappy and sometimes goes days without speaking to anyone. She has acquaintances but no close friends despite her really trying for 2 years. She says that she will go back after a year but I highly doubt it. It will be even more difficult for her to go back and be a year behind her flatmates etc. She has always been extremely career focused and needs a degree to go into the field that she wants to be in. She is so close to finishing her degree and is getting great marks in exams. I really don't want her to leave and regret it in the future. AIBU to persuade her to keep trying?

I have spoken it through with her and she is adamant that she wants to leave. Tonight we are going to talk through her options (whether she transfers etc.) In terms of what she wants to do, she has always wanted to au pair for a family abroad. She has always worked and so has a little bit in savings that she could use for flights etc. Once she is there she would au pair in return for accommodation and most meals.

If she can find a real job that does that, fine. Lot of au pair abusers about so be careful. Don't forget a proper insurance policy which will cost a lot.

Unis do not want to lose fees (whether you are paying them or the Scottish government). They will likely bend over backwards to let her have a year off then return for two years, rather than drop out.

I was similar to your DD at uni, didn't really talk to anyone for the first two years and it was a bit rubbish but the next two years, the classes are more close knit, more project work goes on and classes really come together and you make loads of friends. Id see if she wanted to just do one more year, then she could leave with a degree at least, just not honours. The final two years as so much better. Honest!