2 small potatoes and an over peppered pork chop is not enough

[StillHungryy]

For dinner for adults, left it to another family member to cook for today and this is what they come up with, lunch was scotch eggs I had already made previously.

I'm still confused.

Has a joke gone over my head? I really like purple sprouting broccoli and it would have made a fine addition to the op's dinner.

Saiorse as you're being hyper defensive. I have posted on MN before under a different nn about my "D"F but I'm not gonna link to it as I said too much and MN didn't take it down although I felt it was very identifying. The passive aggressive behaviour was doing a meal he knew that not only quantity wise but also quality ( putting too much pepper on that its practically inedible when he himself says if you can taste salt or pepper you've over seasoned) meant someone else would have to cook, after complaining about cooking for the first time in a month.

And if I did move out my parents would live in Squalor as my mum is disabled and can't cook or clean, and wouldn't eat as my dad after being able to cook at least the basics, will purposely dish up raw or burnt food on purpose, even if it's just putting it in the oven we'll tell him to put a timer on and the instructions will say 15 minutes and he'll purposefully put it on for 45 and will argue he didn't. And my dad won't clean either. It goes a lot deeper also.

I did purple as I did for the rest of my family including my dad who when I said I was going to made out it was an incredulous idea, only to end with me making him something as well.
Sorry PurpleDaisies it was the above sentence, I thought OP had done purple sprouting broccoli as well to add to the meal. Then I realised it was referring to your post. Sorry.

Ah! That makes sense. I thought I was just being really slow.

After you last post OP then your problem is your dad, who you've painted as a psychopath. I'm not going to disagree with that, from what you've posted he sounds vile.

When you visit can't you take extra food? You know you're going to be hungry but at the end of the day it's one day - no-one will starve x

Yeah I bold failed

kik I live here at the moment for personal reasons and also because as I said if I weren't things would go to shit very quickly, my dad is nowhere near able to care for my mum physically or emotionally as he's generally an arsehole even when it comes to shopping if he does it he'll purposefully forget something that we need so like before he goes we'll make it clear we need eggs he writes a list and we make sure he writes eggs and he'll come back without eggs saying we didn't ask for eggs. He continuously ignores my mums issues caused by her disabilities in fact he doesn't even take an interest he doesn't even know what all her issues are.

My dad is thrilled if I eat as much as two potatoes and a whole pork chop.

Mind you, he still thinks I'm six. Is that what your dad thinks?

Can't you do online shopping?

Hyper defensive? Not quite seeing that op. Your post explaining is so different from first post, that I really dont see why u posted first post tbh, its a totally different story.

Assuming ur explanatory post, shows the real issues, then I'd think, firstly what's the pt in getting ur dad to cook, if u know he won't? Surely its just creating tension for all.

Secondly, can u look for help from ss etc?

Finally, hard tho it is, maybe u have to consider whether u need to move for yourself.

And good luck, whatever u choose

What is the housing situation? Would your mum leave him to live with you? I ask because I would be wanting to leave him to his squalor and take her somewhere else. She must know that he doesnt give a shit about her.

Sorry Saoirse it was these comments not defensive ( in fact completely the wrong word), but attacking ( probably my own frustrations making it seem as suchas it's been a long battle, but well you couldn't know without the full story) made me feel like being defensive:

Presumably given that you're living in his house, he managed to feed u or provide resources to feed u for many yrs....give him a break

Anyway, I imagine only solution is to move

Again probably my own frustrations with the situation. Tbh I know it probably needs/ needed more information but I really don't like doing so especially when on the last thread I started about it, I felt I gave too much information including details that were quite specific that was very identifiable if my family or friends that I'd confided in had seen it. MN refused to remove the post so it's made me more
Apprehensive about it.

And the reason why we get him to cook is because my mum can't do it ,if I were to leave my father would have to cook two meals every day , him not cooking is not an option if I were to leave. So every now and then even though he complains I try to get him to cook a meal it can sometimes be as few as one meal a month, told weeks in advance so he can prepare for it, and this is the kind of thing he does.

He was never a great cook but could cook basic meals even if it was bland, he may have an issue, we've tried to get him checked he denies it and won't go to the doctor, so there's nothing we can do. If we take him at his word it means he is doing it on purpose, but if he isn't and I left then he wouldn't be suitable to look after my mum or himself.

Unfortunately I can't leave, and won't be able to for the foreseeable future as my own issues make it hard to keep on top of everything or function properly day to day ( which means I struggle also to do it but I have to and it probably contributes more to my issues effecting me) so I can't work at the moment, even if I wanted to and felt like my parents would be ok.

pyong I can't work at the moment so i couldn't provide housing/rent/ mortgage payments and if they were to divorce ( which I'm 99% sure they would in a world it wouldn't completely screw them both if it did) and everything was split I don't think either would be able to afford to live comfortably or really at all for long.

Massive co-dependency issues here, aren't there? You are unhappy living there but you can't or won't leave them to it, or remove your mum from the situation. I think you will need to suck up the occasional over-seasoned pork chop. The free roof over your head might go some way to making up for it.

I'm probably missing something but could you not batch cook a load of meals and put them in the freezer so your dad can just pop them in the oven if he's not able to cook meals for himself and your mum? Or buy a few ready made lasagnes etc and pop in the freezer if you don't want to cook them all yourself? It sounds like it's just causing stress for everyone by asking your dad to do the cooking when he isn't able to or doesn't want to.

It sounds ok as a dinner. Definitely needs some veg but size-wise, it's ok. Most people eat far more than they need (me included) and are not exactly wasting away.
Your dad's attitude is a whole other problem though. He sounds awful. Does he think cooking/cleaning/shopping is "women's work" and he's trying to teach you a lesson by doing it badly? I don't know what to suggest but I think he's an arse.

If this was 2 potatoes+ 1 chop per person (rather than for the family), then I'd have to agree with honeylulu that it sounds like a perfectly reasonable meal quantity-wise unless the people involved are doing heavy manual work, though some veg would make it more nutritious.

Concentrate on the other problems. Are you sure your dad's neglectfulness is deliberate- could he be developing Alzheimer's or something? If your mum and yourself cannot cook, could you work out some plan for getting meals done with a minimum of cooking? If both you and your mum are disabled/chronically ill, is there some kind of help you would be able to access?

Just cook for you and your Mum, let your Dad sort himself out.